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Talk Round-up
23 September 2011

"If my 3yo had access to AIBU," mused allhailtheaubergine this week, before settling into the toddler mindset to pen this instant MN Classic. "AIBU to throw my bowl of pear across the kitchen? Earlier today I demanded that my mother stop what she was doing and immediately get me a pear. She is by nature a difficult woman and she insisted on finishing her wee and washing her hands first. I explained loudly that this was unacceptable but, typically for her, my protestations only made her more stubborn. Then she moved the goalposts and decided that I could only have my pear if I said 'please' (actually I worry about her in this respect - she is utterly obsessed with that word, it's not normal) so I stormed around the house for 25 minutes or so and then eventually gave in and said please (so now she'll think if she holds out long enough I'll end up saying 'please' every time - made a rod for my own back there).

"Anyway, she asked me if I wanted the pear to be cut up or whole. I replied 'cutted up' and the utter a*se of a woman cut up my pear! I was speechless with rage! Obviously, words were not enough to express my fury so I threw the cutted up pear across the kitchen and kicked her in the shins. WIBU?

"Several posts later [dripfeed]: Oh, and then I weed in my shorts because I was still cross. That'll learn her."

So, was she being unreasonable? BitterAndTwistedChoreDodger was sympathetic but had her own (proxy) tale of misery. "Poor you, OP. Your life sounds like a bed of roses compared to mine, however. My mother reduced me to tears the other day by refusing to let me eat my sandwich with a spoon. MiniBitter 2.8."

Pamplemousserose wanted to know: "If I divorce my mummy, will she still cut my Marmite on toast into soldiers and wipe my bottom?"

However, it fell to DoingMyVeryBest's darling children to pose the greatest threat to the wellbeing of the MN parenting massive, with an offer to coach our younger children in their wily ways: "My sister and I have had a fab day today making Mummy say everything (that is EVERYTHING) twice," they reported. "Simple, but has quite effective results. We are much older than you guys though. We're five and six. You may learn at our feet." Be afraid, MNers. Be very afraid.

Another AIBU, this time from the generally mild-mannered MmeLindor, who wanted to know if she would have been unreasonable "to have told the businessman at the bus stop that his tie clashed with his shirt?" She wanted to, but she didn't. "His shirt was pale pink and the tie salmon pink. It was horrible. What did you want to say today, but held your tongue because it would have been rude?"

Troisgarcons remembered giving some much-needed fashion advice to a colleague. "I once told a man at work that the black lacy bra he wore under him shirt was a no-no and he should wear a white one," she reported with a grin. Meanwhile, heleninahandcart worried that "one day I will be arrested for taking a wax strip to my neighbour's upper lip".

Hurrah for bytheMoonlight, however, who bit her tongue and didn't tell her manager that "he is a chauvinistic pig who is one step away from me filling in a grievance form against him". "I told my union rep instead," she declared proudly.

And now we interrupt this Round-up to bring you breaking news... Meditrina is in a panic and wants to ask: "OFRS packed? 20-tonne satellite falling to earth..." (RS stands for ruck sack, the OF you are going to have to work out for yourselves but let's just say that it has a certain rhyming quality and the spam filters will not like it.)

"They won't know where it'll land until a couple of hours before it does. There's a 1:3200 risk of harm to public safety."

Cheaptrick's staying in: "Just my luck that it will fall on me and I will be known as 'that girl who died from a fallen satellite'." But CogitoErgoSometimes sticks out her stiff upper lip: "OFRS not necessary. We're British. Pack an umbrella and you'll be fine."

So you know who to blame if you and your brolly get flattened by space debris.

AITCH

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