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Talk Round-up
16 September 2011

Oh dear, oh dear, a furious Salmotrutta is "outraged at discovering a long chin hair".

"When did this happen and who put it there?!" she ranted (having presumedly yanked out her wizardy beard before daring to lean over the keyboard, for fear of entanglement). Everyone was very sympathetic, of course, especially when Salmo revealed further evidence of decrepitude: "I have a sore hip every morning until I 'warm up'." 

RedRubyBlue once worked as a dental nurse and went to move a very long and fine wavy hair away from a patient's mouth: "It was attached and 'plinked' like something out of a Tom and Jerry cartoon."

TalcAndTurnips, all too aware of her advancing years, took the opportunity to speak to her bewhiskered sisters about the accompanying traumas of age: "Do you recall the 'pencil test'? It was the deciding factor for whether you needed to wear a bra; you put a pencil under boobage and if it stayed there, bra required. What size object can any fellow MN gimmers feasibly 'tuck under' these days? Large bag of chips? Gin bottle? Rolled-up duvet?"

Answers on a postcard, please (if you can manage to locate your pencil).

"Oh bloody hell, DH has just flung two dead mice from the dustpan and they've landed on next door's garden table," exclaimed an exasperated Paschaelina. "Right in front of our neighbour who was quietly enjoying a cup of tea in the evening air! Said neighbour is now anxiously scanning the sky for what I can only guess is freak mice-storms."

"Go outside with a brolly. Walk up and down saying 'Tut tut, it looks like mice'. Or go and warn the neighbours about the ASBO owls you've seen loitering with intent," suggested SuePurblyBilt, helpfully. Minipen was more concerned that the neighbour might be an MNer. "Have you checked Chat for a, 'You will NEVER guess what has just landed on the table in my garden' thread?" she grinned.

Ostensibly, FetchezLaVache's thread this week was about second dates that MNers forebore to grant. However, as Olderyetwider revealed, sometimes the decision is not ours to take. "Many, many years ago was single parent, DS about three years old," she explained. "Very attractive man took me out to dinner. It was going well, conversation really natural, then I realised he'd stopped talking and was staring at his plate. I'd been busy cutting his dinner up for him. He didn't ring me again."

Monty similarly blew her chances with a 'hottie at work'. "I was a single parent to young 'uns at the time, too. We were walking towards each other in the corridor and I stopped short, tilted my head to the side and said in a very stupid voice, and wearing a very stupid expression on my face, 'hellllloooooooooo' as one does with toddlers. He cooled off after that, not surprisingly."

Fortunately, we were soon back on topic, as shineoncrazydiamond explained one of her worst-ever dating experiences (that didn't include penguin parks). "This guy was a Jaguar-driving CEO of a successful company, 44 years old. Suited. Very corporate in attitude etc...

Me: [admiring prints on wall ] Yes, must be a 17th-century inn.

Him: Yes. <pause> Are your breasts sensitive?

Me: <pause> Sorry?

Him: Are your breasts sensitive?

Me: Why do you ask? I mean, at this particular conjuncture?

Him: It's important to me that my woman has sensitive breasts.

Me: I see. Well, that is something that you shall just have to wonder for now. How's your fish?

Inwardly, I was positively AGOG." As are we all, Shiney, as are we all...

AITCH

 

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