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Talk Round-up
12 August 2011

"OK," declared Megatron this week... (We like a post that starts off with an OK, don't we? Veh MN... brisk, forthright, sound of mind. Ya think? Read on, chums.)

"OK, first of all can I just say that I am not some mentalist who normally does this kind of thing, but both DCs are out for tea tonight so we are on our own. DH has a habit of running through the house barechested beating his chest shouting instructions (I know, I know). It's funny. Sometimes. So this evening I thought it would be hilarious if I did the same, so I duly stripped to the waist and ran downstairs into the living room waving my arms in the air shouting... to find DH sitting talking to the plumber who had kindly popped round to discuss the new central heating we are having installed."

MadameLupino was sweetly comforting: "Oh, I doubt if he noticed, don't worry <pisses self>." Unlurked suggested radical action: "I think you're going to have to move house. And possibly change your name."

Nothing so drastic required, said BellaBearisWideAwake, who knew exactly what to do: "You are going to have to spend the whole week that he's there half-naked in a nonchalant manner, so he thinks it's what you do normally." Well, at least it's the summer...

"What's the best name you have heard for a dog?" asked scarlettlips, having recently been charmed by a Jack Russell named Shackleton. "There is a Noodle in our village," revealed feckwit. "He's a Poodle."  

Here's a lovely idea from Salmotrutta, clearly a Mumsnetter in the make-do-and-mend mould. Her cats keep leaving 'little presents' of dead mice around, and she canvassed the boards for a creative use to put them to: "Could I collect them all and make a nice hat from their skins? Stuff them and make little displays like Dinner for Schmucks?"

Kennythekangaroo suggested "freeze them and use their little tails as toothpicks", to which delighted hostess Salmo replied: "Imagine how surprised guests would be!"

GentleOtter thought of flattening them and drying them out to use as "novelty bookmarks or mini-frisbees", but Timpson had been checking out eBay and it transpired that GentleOtter might be stepping on the toes of existing businesses.

Oh yes, if it's a rubber-lined taxidermied mouse skin (tagline "just stick your finger in him to make him dance") then the world's biggest marketplace has that covered, my friends, although do be sure to heed the billing instructions. It's probably best to obey a seller who asks for "payment within three days please, so that it's not sitting in the post for too long". <squeak>

AITCH

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