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Talk Round-up
15 July 2011

"AIBU to think that one single Cheerio really is a sufficient dinner for a plastic goldfish?" queried professorsnape. Well, prof, with the cost of living and such, perhaps. "DD says otherwise. He's been sitting in a glass of water on the windowsill most day. Very little swimming around. DD declared it was feeding time and asked me what we should give him. I thought one Cheerio would be enough to fill him. She thinks he deserves at least two Cheerios and a treat afterwards."

SybilBeddows took a firm line: "Give him one, and if he eats it he can have another. That's how we deal with mealtimes for invisible friends in our house." (Invisible? Poor little guy... he's visible, he's just not very animated.) AnyFuleKno hoisted her judgy pants high, going so far as to accuse the prof of neglect [shock]. If it was ^her^ lifeless bit of orange plastic she would "prepare a selection of healthy food... quinoa, tofu, grapefruit and allow the goldfish to select. It should be goldfish led". Couldn't agree more, personally [wink].

"Lovely LOUD parenting this morning," chirruped iphonedrone brightly this week. "Transition day for new foundation kids, 30 small children milling around. One parent asking their child to sound out the words on the noticeboard in a loud booming voice, then pushing said child ahead when the teacher is handing out name tags, 'Go on darling, go on, you can read your name, CAN'T YOU?' Then asking if it is OK if child's mother knits his uniform."

"I used to have knitted school uniform," confessed DooinMeCleanin. "I draw the line at cardigans for my DC. DD1 refuses to wear them, I don't make her. DD2 will be starting school this year. I will be the mother at the back quietly praying that her child behaves like a child and not an animal."

"Oh, I was too loud at DS's induction day," said AmazingBouncingFerret, with more than a hint of pride. "I was perusing the artwork and noticed a child's name 'Mojo'. For my shame, I repeated it out loud. In a Dr Evil voice."

<coughs> Quiet please, ladies and gentlemen, Tortoiseonthehalfshell, curator of the Museum of Modern Toddler Art, is about to begin her tour...

"Now, 'Abandoned Breakfast' is a particularly important piece. Note the toast finger hanging disconsolately from the eggshell, yolk leaking over the edge of the plate and pooling onto the table below. We can see from the setting that the breakfast was barely touched, despite the care used in preparing it, and the futility evoked stands in direct contrast to the cheery, cow-patterned egg cup and bright yellow plate. The viewer is confronted by the eternal question: What Is The Bloody Point, I Ask You?"

You may now applaud.


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