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01 July 2011
By unprecedented popular request, we open this week's Round-up with: "I have literally just nearly cut off DH's balls." <faints>
A rightly HORRIFIED OohMatron elaborated: "I usually give DH a quick trim round his bits with the scissors and stupidly suggested I use hair clippers to make the job a bit more professional. <stifles giggles> Anyway, the baggy skin on his scrotum had a fight with the clipper blade resulting in a chunk of skin on the bathroom floor and a
lot bit of blood. I feel awful, <whispers> it's his birthday today. I can feel a namechange coming on... any suggestions?"
"OMG," squeaked SarahStratton. "Sweeney Todd?" "Poor sod," sympathised blackeyedsusan. "Your surname isn't Bobbit, is it?"
"'Happy birthday, shall I cut your scrotum off?' I guess it makes a change from the birthday bumps," exclaimed KurriKurri.
"If there was an MNuseum... what would the exhibits be?" wondered ChaosTrulyReigns. "A Mooncup in a glass case on a velvet cushion," proposed SinicalSal. "A large information board with the explanation of how I got my name," suggested nevergoogle.
Further suggestions came thick and fast: "An exhibition of Booble plates" (SecretNutellaFix), "A seasonal exhibition of Easter bonnets, with the terrifying fox as a centrepiece" (EduStudent) and "A display of cubes of poo, all neatly tagged with dates" (Tigerbomb).
OTheHugeManatee liked the idea of a life-modelling gallery to contain "a life-size waxwork of Terry Wogan's [redacted]". (I believe we all know what the edit refers to, although it might be overshadowed if it was placed next to FrannyandZooey's DS1's most famous sculptural piece.)
SybilBeddows assumed the HR role, warning against employing Cod as textiles curator, "or we will come into work one day and find the Per Una collection in a skip at the back of the car park".
It only remained, then, for new poster ExitPursuedByAKitten to pipe up. For some curious reason, she really, really wanted 'I Agree With Pagwatch' badges on sale in the shop...
And while we're on the subject of history, "If MN was around 100 years ago, what would people post?" enquired Happydogsaddog. PrinceHumperdink wanted to know: "AIBU to use teeth
wrenched donated from the mouth of a still-living orphan? Might they be in some way tarnished with poverty?"
"I imagine some mums would get slated for being 'posh' if they can actually send their children to school," muttered BourbonChops.
Binfullofmaggotsonthe45, meanwhile, raised a discipline question: "My DS (5) is refusing to go up chimneys," she asked. "What punishment should I administer?" Now would that go in Victorian Good Housekeeping, or in Parenting?
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