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Talk Round-up
17 June 2011

"We hold these truths to be self-evident..." intoned seeker, opening a thread that soon filled up with resolute and hard-won MN folk wisdom.

"Never argue with a two-year-old," sighed snailoon, with the air of someone who has lost many an argument with many a two-year-old. "If it only has to rain once in a day, it will be during the school run," offered a cheerful, if slightly damp, feetheart.

While f*ckmepinkandcallmerosie knows that: "When there is silence, that's when you should be afraid. Very Afraid."

Tortoiseonthehalfshell reckons: "Absolutely nobody, and I really mean nobody, wants to know about your child's bowel movements. Or yours, come to that." And TrillianAstra thinks that: "No matter how many children you have, they are not a statistically significant sample and so your anecdote about boys vs girls or older vs younger children is not evidence of anything." "What if you have 170,000?" queried StealthPolarBear.

Having established the truths, let's have some lies.

"What's the biggest fib you've ever told your DCs?" asked LizaTarbucksAuntie. "I told DS1 that softplay is only open on really rainy days. He didn't question this until his friend told him he had been on a sunny day, so obviously mummy is a liar!" said unashamed dissembler BooyHoo.

Thestringcheeseincident told her DD that the pilots getting on the plane (walking through the lounge) were actually policeman: "The caps and wings, etc. We had a longhaul flight to get through."

While Bearinthebigwoohouse misinformed her children that: "When you press down the plunger on a cafetière, a building blows up somewhere." At least twojumpingbeans' DH's untruths are more benign: "I have overheard him saying during the opening credits to The One Show, 'DD, can you hear the trumpet playing? Well, that's me.' And, 'DD, you know Driver Dan? Well, I taught him how to drive a train'."

CliffTumble told her DC that "I had Father Christmas's mobile number, but he doesn't speak to children" and TantePiste's husband has made sure his son knows that "only two things can hurt Superman: kryptonite and aubergine".

D0G, however, must take the prize for thinking on her feet: "DD1 walked in brandishing my rabbit, which is both vibrating and rotating, with a face like [shock], 'Mummy, what is THIS?' Me: 'Oh, darling, that's just for making coffee frothy. Put it down'." Could get awkward on their next trip to Starbucks...

StealthPolarBear wondered: "What other uses do you put your Mooncup to? "I thought it would make an excellent little bowl for passing round nuts or sweets, and you could always have it handy as an emergency wine glass (non-stem trimmers only)."

"I have two," admitted ChaosTrulyReigns. "The hamster uses them to scale glass buildings before breaking and entering bank vaults."

"Does he bounce off them or just climb up on them? Or use the suction?" asked Stealth. "Sigh. It's a woman hamster, you gender stereo-typist," responded Chaos. "Oh, and suckers, obv."

Well, ^obv^...

AITCH

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