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20 May 2011
"Random interesting stuff that happens to make housework more interesting?" pleaded a (bless her) slightly unhinged-sounding AuntieMonica this week. "Like... I've just taken a duvet cover out of the washing machine, and every other item was stuck inside. It did this all by itself! No need to be hunting high and low for that one sock... the duvet has very cleverly tucked stuff inside, safe and sound. <really bored>"
"Found a fiver in the sofa throw," reported funnybumblebee. "No idea where from. It's now mine." BloodyBridget came up with the thrilling anecdote that: "Once a slice of toast flew up out of the toaster and switched the kettle on before landing, which amused me no end. [low maintenance emoticon]"
AuntieMonica returned, warming to her theme: "How many tomatoes have you ever found in a regular 400g tin of plum tomatoes? I found seven one time." (Least impressive response to this poll was peeriebear's 'two in a tin of Asda Smart Price', fact fans.)
Meanwhile, redundanttiara had discovered only the previous night that: "The new IKEA duvet cover I have just purchased has no closure method and has a flapping great open slit at the end. I was so enraged that I wanted to drive back to IKEA and demand an exchange. It was 7:30pm and it's a 90-minute round trip. I have spent many minutes today weighing up how to remedy the situation."
"Take the duvet cover back redundanttiara," implored Quenelle, speaking from ghastly personal experience. "I wish we had. We have TWO of those IKEA covers and with each one the duvet hangs out of the bottom like a hernia."
ShowOfHands was suffering irrationally from The Rage, having had an encounter with a dad who had just come back from his DW's 20-week scan: "I asked how it went and he puffed out his chest with a 'definitely all boy, no mistaking it, just like his father'. He then swaggered off. It's always irked me, this 'all boy' rubbish. Next time I announce the gender following a scan I'm going in with a confident 'half and half, just like its Aunt Michael'."
"Can you imagine if we all strode around, puffy-chested, boasting, 'I've got the biggest bloody fanjo you've ever seen - I'm all woman, me!'" cackled TalcandTurnips. "We'd then swagger off, pausing to hoik wedgie out of bottom in the most feminine manner possible (well, when the fanjo's that big, it just sucks in the undercrackers)."
So the world is due to end on Saturday (is anyone feeling The Rapture yet?) and on Thursday MardyBra wanted to know how to spend her last 48 hours. "It's my day off tomorrow, but I'll still need to be around to do the school run."
"So can I say, 'Stuff the diet' then?'" asked TheHumanCatapult, eyeing up a doughnut.
Beachyhead, however, thought she'd found a loophole: "The atheists are going to be saved. That's nice... I'm OK then. I'll help out with anyone's school run, if you don't make it."
Her hopes were short-lived, as MrsPlesWearsAFez pointed out: "Atheists are only getting 'extra time' and will be burnt to death in October. Do you think I could use this in DD's primary school appeal? If she'll only be attending for six weeks, I really need it to be a good one."
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