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Talk Round-up
15 April 2011

This week, our friend ApocalypseCheeseToastie has been mostly thinking about menstruation. "The subject of pregnant chickens got me thinking... wouldn't it be easier if our periods came out encased in a shell?" Well, wouldn't it?

"Sounds painful," commented the aptly named stillbroody. "What if it cracked on the way down?"

SomethingSuper didn't fancy it either: "Oooh, I don't want to lay eggs. Would it be accompanied by clucking? Very inconvenient and I think that socially it would be a nightmare."

Meanwhile, controlpantsandgladrags felt that her "poor pelvic floor might not cope with the laying of a monthly egg". "And guaranteed the egg would arrive just when you least needed it and there would be nothing you could do to stop it," pointed out MrsOliverQueen.

"No way! Yuk," squeaked a disgusted Psalmead, despite dissatisfaction with the current system. "I am still lobbying Mother Nature to provide us with a period button."

So it was a whole-hearted 'no thanks' from the MN Massive to Apocalypse's eggcellent scheme, not least owing to the testimony of one Saggyoldclothcatpuss. "Having once been the main carer for an egg-bound hen, I can state categorically that I do not wish to lay eggs! The poor little sod just stood there, straining and groaning slightly. I had to: a) massage oil into her arse; b) steam said arse over a pan of boiling water; c) massage her bottom gently; d) leave her in a warm place and hope for the best! Two hours later, she was still groaning and straining. She eventually passed the HUGEST egg you've ever seen!"

"Wish somebody would massage my arse with oils and give me a sauna," sulked Apocalypse.

With the Royal Wedding fast approaching, GhostInTheBackOfYourHead wondered: "Am I being unreasonable to send my daughter into school with slightly Republican fairy cakes?"

The cakes were to celebrate the last day of term with a Kate and Wills party, but the request for royalist home baking had raised Ghost's hackles somewhat: "I've resisted the urge to decorate the aforementioned cakes with 'Off With Their Heads' and have gone instead for the educational 'Let Them Eat Cake'. What price a daughter's embarrassment compared to standing up for principles, eh?"

"How did you manage to fit that whole phrase on to a fairy cake?!" queried a practical annh, mistaking a fierce political debate for a home-baking seminar. "Mine are usually only big enough for a cherry and some chocolate sprinkles." "Very craply, if truth be told," confessed Ghosty.

There were more lessons in Modern Mumsnetting Manners courtesy of Bogeyface, who wanted to know if she was being unreasonable "to fart, run away and then let the kids blame each other?!" Her husband thinks so, apparently, so who is right?

"YANBU," said QuoththeRaven. "Treasure these moments, they'll catch on soon enough." 

"Thank you, I feel vindicated," quoth the smelly Bogeyface, admitting her DH would be appalled if he knew what else she got up to when he wasn't there.

AITCHXXX

Turn your smartphone into a sat nav with CoPilot Live. CoPilot Live is the easy-to-use sat nav app that works exactly like an expensive in-car system, giving you spoken directions right to the door. Because it runs on your phone, it goes wherever you do. You’ll never be stuck without directions again! £19.99 via iTunes and Android Market.