To subscribe/unsubscribe to Mumsnet newsletters, please use #unsublink#.

Mumsnet Logo Hephalump

This Mother's Day, you deserve a gift that will set your mind at rest, the peace of mind of knowing your family is secure even if you're no longer there. Find out more.

Talk Round-up
1 April 2011

"If you hold batteries in your hand for a while, does your hand start to feel weird?" asked ChaosTrulyReigns this week. Adding for the benefit of confused MNers: "Just wondering if I'm normal?"

"Er, no, sorry," said StealthPolarBear, filing Chaos neatly in the 'fraek' column of her 'MNers to Avoid' spreadsheet. "Only if I've left the vibrator on," responded PurveyorOfBologna.

"Honestly, try it next time," wailed Chaos, desperate to clear her name, "hold them in your fist - mine goes achey and a litle bit electricky." Psammead was in: "OK, I have two batteries in my hand. Define 'a while'."

"A while is maybe 17 minutes?" answered Chaos, prompting Changebagsandgladrags to point out, "No, you are not normal. No normal person would hold a battery for 17 mins."

Soon, an exclamation from Psammead: "OMG. It's doing it! My hand is all weird and tingly. And I parped, although that may have been coincidence."

Further experimentation (Stealth showed particular commitment to the task, even hanging out her washing one-handed) led to the conclusion that yes, indeed, something funny goes on if you hold batteries for just shy of 20 minutes. Mostly farting and weeing, but for that you will have to read the thread.

"I'm too scared to try," whined the aptly-named DitheringDoofus. "My DH tests them on his tongue to see if they're live and it totally freaks me out. I read somewhere that four people a year die testing batteries on their tongues. No idea if that's true!"

"I have heard of battery-on-tongue-testing suspected murder before," reported Psammead, "but I don't think he was charged..."

"The Playmobil people in our house have been filling in their census forms," reported NormanTheForeman, recently elected as Prime Minister of Playmoland. "10 Upping Street is a one-roomed residence, inhabited by six adults. We think we were born in a factory in Germany, but we all speak English. Quite a few robbers were staying in the police station on census night. The police station owns two cars."

"What is their religion?" ForeverNamechanging wanted to know. "We believe in the Almighty Owner and his Mum!" declared Norman. "We also have a large number of Playmopeople, but they don't all live in the same residence. Actually, I fear several of our Playmopeople don't actually have houses to live in <makes note to sort out homelessness problem at next Cabinet meeting>."

"You had lots of robbers in jail and homelessness is rife in your constituency?" shouted ForeverNamechanging, revolting as ever. "I want the townsfolk to rise up and get a new prime minister."

But where's Norman when we need him?

"Calling all Playmobil experts!" yelled chillipickle. "I have a police motorbike, which I need to give to my three-year-old DS, minus the gun. He is definitely going to ask what the holster is for, and it gets in the way of the arm moving all the way round, so ideally I would like to take the holster off, but I'm not sure if I can do this without breaking it. Does anyone know?"

"Seeing you already have the gun, can you sneak up to the policeman, point the gun at him and demand he take it off?" offered Ciske


FUN HOLIDAY ACTIVITIES FOR CHILDREN Easter and summer day camps for children aged 4½ to 16 years. Visit for list of 28 locations. Enter 'MN11' into the promotions box online to receive an extra £10 off your booking. Offer valid until 11th April 2011.