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Talk Round-up
11 February 2011

Like a good tabloid sub-editor, Ms Slubberdegullion of this parish knows that when it comes to attention-seeking it's all about the headline. So it was that an utterly mundane 'what the hell do I do with this ingredient?' post became "A white knuckle ride of a thread about PEARL BARLEY" and garnered 140 posts in response. Look and learn, threadkillers, this is the way to do it.

"[Florence & The Machine Inspirational Music Intro] 
Pearl Barley 
[Shots of young people doing parkour on walls with graffiti]. 
Right, I have 375g of pearl barley left in my 500g bag and unless I get some VERY EXCITING and dramatic ideas of what the chuff to do with it the DDs will be clearing it out from the top back shelf in 40 years time when I have snuffed it. NO SOUP. Thank you."

Of course she was deluged with suggestions, including Mongolian stew, risotto (orzotto, technically, but we can't all be Nigella) and a rainmaker, and there was some heady discussion of the grain's comfortable mouth-feel. No answer as to what had become of the missing 125g but we can assume it was a recipe not to be repeated.

"Doesn't it cure cystitis, too?" asked Eleison. "I think I am having a carbohydrate epiphany," said Slub. "It is trendy and comfy on the mouth... and, cor, medicinal properties too." 

Only MarineIguana spoke out against the pro-barley constituency, bravely suggesting: "It's horrible. I would use it to make a bean bag animal of some kind. (Which will be fine until someone spills Ribena on it and it starts to germinate.)"

Thank God for Greige, then, in what she admitted was her "first (and possibly only)" post on MN. "Have you heard of frumenty? It's a medieval recipe, great instead of potatoes or bread." (I think we can consider any charges of dumbing-down on the site well and truly answered, people, when new members pitch in with historically accurate, delicious and OP-relevant recipes.) She went on: "Throw some into an ovenproof dish, add a little saffron then cover with chicken stock. Bung in an oven until cooked." Et voila! 

"Where has DD's willy gone?!" posted mjloveswineoclock this week, after her nearly-three-year-old son, "despite sharing a bath with his sister for a year", noticed with "utter horror" that his sister doesn't have one.

"A pigeon got it," said weedle, helpfully. At least that was the warning that had "stopped my friend's son dropping his pants in the high street". Ormrian was sympathetic: "DD was confused on this very issue many years ago. Having shared a bath with DS1 she used to try to wee standing up whilst holding onto her belly button. It was messy."

Feargalthecat's sister, meanwhile, had already dealt with the ultimate male intimate health question some time ago: "She was bathing my three-year-old nephew when he pulled his testicles and asked, 'Are these my brains, Mummy?' 'Not yet,' she had to reply..."

AITCHXXX

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