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4 February 2011
And the Mother of the Decade Award goes to... AtYourCervix, who through gritted teeth this week announced: "Grrrrrr. Ballet Run. Ten whole sodding years... Once a week, out in the cold, dark evening. An entire DECADE of leotards, buns and ballet shoes. It's no wonder I turn to drink. TEN YEARS!!!!!!"
Bran wanted to know if she should try to dodge the ballet bullet: "DD has just turned three and has been asking for lessons for ages. Should I stonewall her and save myself years of trauma?"
"Or give in and embrace your inner balletmum?" suggested AtYourCervix, before adding helpfully: "Remember to always arrive at lessons with little ballet skirt freshly ironed on a hanger."
"Oh dear lord, are we supposed to iron the stuff? I am giving up now. And her buns fall out," wept bigbadbarry.
"My cleaner irons, even things that IMO don't need ironing (like DC's clothes) so I could arrive with freshly ironed ballet clothes. Will the other mums hate me if I do?" pleaded bran. "Yes," confirmed bigbadbarry, "but not as much as they will if you fill the waiting room with inane yet very loud chitchat when this is the only half hour to sit quietly with a book all week!
"Is this a good time to chirp in and say DD's school offers ballet?" twittered the INSUFFERABLE pagwatch. "So I sit at home until 5pm when her lesson finishes. Her ballet teacher ensures she is changed and ready for me. HTH. (Same with gym twice a week. Same with swimming.)
"The worst thing anyone has said to you after sex?" enquired Megglevache this week, having started the thread "for my friend (yes, honestly my friend not me)". So definitely not Meg then.
Teej <sighed> at the recollection of her boyfriend in second year at uni, who said: "'Of course I'd like to marry a virgin.' We were still in bed at the time." "'I don't know why I'm crying'," contributed ShatnersBassoon. "Awkward."
MrsYamada had suffered the double-indignity of, "I don't usually go out with girls with longer hair than me" and the highly romantic, "Do you want a glass of squash?" And poor PlentyOfParsnips hadn't realised she was going out with a man of God until he came out with: "We have sinned! Pray with me and God will forgive us."
Perhaps these pathetic tales helped Megglevache's moustachioed 'friend' regain her equilibrium. But, then again, ApocalypseCheeseToastie's experience might have pushed her over the edge. For Ms Toastie's beloved DP once piped up: "'Ron Dixon's got a new car!!' Mid-hump. We had the TV turned up high so the arguing on Brookside would drown out our noises when DP came out with that gem. And his budgie once landed on my bum just as I was getting 'there' too. DP laughed so much, I fell off!"
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