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Talk Round-up
28 January 2011

"What meals can you make in a hotel room with only a kettle?" asked an abandoned nevergoogledragonbutter. "DH staying in a Travelodge or Premier Inn or summink. For 10 days!" Easy-peasy, thinks Everyone On Mumsnet, but no: "He needs ideas other than Pot Noodle." Well, if he's going to be a picky eater...

BonzoDooDah came up with the eminently sensible suggestion to "use a travel iron to heat up flour tortillas", which will go nicely with the hot roast chicken that he has already smuggled into his room. ("He has his own Alan Partridge large plate," confessed dragonbutter. "He's thinking of cooking sausages in the cigarette lighter. Poke it in, cook it, take a bite, put it back in. Repeat.")

"I'm wondering how you could use hair straighteners. Maybe you could slowly slide them along a rasher of bacon," suggested NorbertDentressangle, while Junction3 reckoned they could probably "do a panini" as well, to create the ultimate bedroom bacon sarnie. "I bet the Babyliss Big Hair would make a mean scrambled egg," snorted dragonbutter. Anyway, good news! "He's made some friends and is going out for pizza tonight."

"Is he going to invite them round to his room for dinner one evening?" quipped Norbert. "Yes, a dinner party is the next step," agreed MrDB's loving, chortling wife.

A case for the MN Jury this week, as krisskross has just bought a new bed but "DH has asked me not to fart in it. I think he is being stupid and cannot stop what has to come out. We agreed to let MN decide." Quite how she is to abide by our ruling should it not go her way, no one could say, but here goes.

"Would he be OK with you sticking your a*se out of the sheets and farting that way... it's all about compromise," said would-be marriage counsellor BluddyMoFo, while tough modern woman Dylthan felt strongly that "as long as you don't waft the sheets then he has nothing to complain about". VeeBee3 "can think of more pleasant ways to christen a new bed" but Lovetheskinurine took a harder line: "Pack him in. And, can I add, 'parp'." 

"Why does fate allow DD to bring home the class teddy on a weekend when we are doing NOTHING?" wailed LadyInPink. "Usually we have lots going on, but DH is working and I am cleaning. Looking at the other entries, he has been ice-skating, Chessington and, get this, Disneyland!"

"Our teddy went to Tesco for the big shop with DH and DS2. He came out for tea with us as well. He also watched NCIS!" sympathised upahill. "We normally wait until the kids are in bed and get the bear smashed on vodka," revealed RealityIsKnockedUp. "He's an animal when he's pissed."

LovelyJudy, however, took the opportunity to "<sneak in, looks around furtively, and whisper>" some excellent advice gleaned from her own shamefully brief soft-toy-fostering experience. "We lost the class teddy," she confessed. "We've never been allowed to forget it. The horror, the horror. Please, OP, please, never take the class teddy anywhere out of your house, I beg you, in the name of all that is right, keep it safe <runs away, tearing hair out in handfuls, to continue the search>." And for all we know, she's still looking for it...

AITCHXXX

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