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Talk Round-up
14 January 2011

PonceyMcPonce this week expressed her concerns that her DH was planning world domination, based on the evidence that "he sits in a swivel chair, stroking our white cat and snickering, and he looks at several large computer screens with maps on, marked 'Evil Empire'. AIBU to be concerned or should I not discuss his private business on an Internet forum?"

Tinkgirl to the rescue: "Does he have a scar on his face? If so, then be afraid, be VERY afraid. If not, then tell him to grow up and put the bins out." Catsmamma took a similarly hard line, suggesting that Poncey "unscrew the chair so a half-swivel in any direction tips him onto the floor. That should put an end to his nonsense."

"Has he by any chance recently moved you to a hollowed-out volcano?" asked COCKadoodledoo. "Does his best friend have metal teeth? Or a really sharp top hat?" quizzed Saggyoldclothcatpuss. "Oh, and does your doorbell go 'ding-dong' or 'WHOOoooop WHOOoop WHOOOooop'?" said GrimmaTheNome.

"Poncey, you need to WATCH OUT!" warned OTheHugeManatee. "It starts small, with a bit of missile-trafficking but then, before you know it, he'll have replaced all the house staff with bikini-clad 20-somethings and started keeping sharks in the goldfish tank."

"Alert the media! I am going to bake a cake," broadcast bibbitybobbityhat on Sunday night. "I can't remember the last time I made a cake. Possibly in the late 1980s. Anyways, I have a tremendous urge to make a pineapple upside-down cake – the kind where you start off by warming unsalted butter and brown sugar in the bottom of the tin before putting in the pineapple and cherries (yes, I'm going to have the cherries), then the cake mixture. So, my question is, cake-makers, can I use a loose-bottomed cake tin for that or do you think all my lovely, sugary, buttery sludge will leak out of the bottom?"

"Aren't you meant to do it in one of those ring tins?” asked BluTac. "Ring tin??? Oh good gawd!" fretted Bib. Ooopsadaisy was also confused: "Ring tin? Is that a sort of S&M garment?" But Bib's confidence was already shot: "I don't think I am singing from the same hymn sheet as anyone who uses a ring tin." A shaken BluTac reappeared with some more baking advice: "Never Google ring tin!"

Talking of which, none other than nevergoogledragonbutter herself posted this week to announce with some pride: "I just found a gold star in my bra. I must have been good today." "Maybe there should have been two? One for each nipple?" wondered SecretNutellaFix. "I was surprised by one; I couldn't be lucky enough to have two," trilled dragonbutter in reply.

"A friend of mine once found a whistle in her bra," offered Carrotsandcelery, by way of distraction. "I normally find food," said not-so-yummy-mummy COCKadoodledoo. "And it's not usually mine."

AITCHXXX

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