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Talk Round-up
10 December 2010

 

"I have just been deleting old messages from my mobile and came across this one from DP," said complexnumber this week. "The message? Simply this, 'Yes, with a wooden spoon.' Neither of us has a clue as to what or why. Any suggestions?" Oh yeeees.

Sethstarkaddersmum: "Have you beaten the children yet this morning, dear?"

NorbertDentressAngelOnTheTree: "You sorted out the dog's constipation then?"

Mugggletoeandwine: "You operated on your own piles?"

PsecretSantead: "You saw the cat pole vaulting over the garden shed?"

ItsKurriiiistmas: "You say the Dish ran away?"

CHORUS: "Yes, with a wooden spoon..."

Slubberdegullion needed some backing in a fight with her mum this week as she asked "Would (not could) a dog mate with a fox?" Slubber, whose Labrador has just come into season, said: "My mother is convinced that the moment she steps foot in her back garden, with all the emissions of pungent sexy dog aroma, the local fox will be over the fence in a flash having his wicked way with her. I couldn't remember about family/genus/species and all that malarkey, so my argument was that no dog would cop off with some mangy old fox. My mother argues that it is a magnificent fox with 'a big brush'."

"'Big brush' <snicker>," said MrsYam, helpfully, but KurriKurri was on hand with some stolid veterinary advice: "Different genus, so can't reproduce. Would a randy old fox try to have sex with a dog? I doubt it, about as likely as a baboon trying to have sex with a person. Still it's worth shoving your dog outside to see if it happens - you might get a Channel 5 documentary out of it."

Hassledge's imagination, meanwhile, was running riot: "Mr Fox will be crooning 'Well, helloooo' as he smooths his dapper moustache and twirls his big brush in an alluring fashion. If you see any empty gin bottles in the garden, be alarmed." "That's how he got me down the aisle," quipped MsFox, waggishly.

More vermin as the QueenOfFlamingEverything's DD found a polecat in the loo: "DD went to our compost toilet at eight this morning and came back fizzing with excitement about the animal that had jumped out of the window when she went in. She described it and we think it must have been a polecat seeking refuge from the minus 8° weather we have today. It beats her sighting of a baby rat falling off a fat ball we'd hung out for the birds."

Where was she posting from? "We are on the Welsh borders. Very pretty here today, hoar frost upon hoar frost." Nice.

"<Handbrake turn>" screeched BoysAreLikeDogs, "hang on, hang on. Compost toilet? Wow, but brrrrrrr." You bet your bottom, agreed QueenOfFlamingEverything: "There was frost on the seat this morning." This revelation gave WriterofDreams "visions of OP with bum stuck to the toilet due to ice". Fear not, says the Queen, who has a cunning plan re chilly nethers: "I avoid the ice by waiting until DP has been and defrosted it."

AITCHXXX

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