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12 November 2010
Hello all, it's that time of the week again, when we locate the funniest threads and reprint them herein to share the hilarity with as many MNers as possible... But what's this? A thread worthy of immediate Classic status whose URL cannot be reposted for fear of exposing The Most Bonkers Couple In Britain to global scrutiny? I'm afraid so. Let me just repeat the immortal line, "Pom Bear, anyone?" and leave it at that. How you fill your own personal search boxes is no business of ours <wants more than anything else in the world to be invited to a dinner party at slightlyjaded's house>.
LeQueen, however, has no qualms about being identified (by social services) as her thread "What cruel things do you do to your children?" makes clear. "I am guilty of making the DDs repeat such gems as 'I'm Mummy's ickle, fluffy baby flumpy wumpy' if they want me to reach them something, or get them something. They just sound so adorable when they say it. A few years ago, they were perfectly content to utterly debase themselves, but nowadays they say it with some rolling of the eyes." Itsjustafleshwound's DD has been (mis)informed that "when she hears the ice-cream van jingle, the van is going back to the depot to pick up more as they have none left", while 4pus1 painted a picture of her degraded home life with the revelation that she pays her children "5p a minute to massage my feet".
Hecate suspected that her confession - "In tickle games, my speech-delayed children's 'safe' word is 'supercalifragilisticexpialidocious'" - would send her "straight to hell", but this proved not to be the case as MNers applauded her twisted sense of fair play. However, TitsalinaBumSquash's admission that she "may have told DS he was going to Hogwarts after the summer holidays... he cried when he realised it was a joke" did cause a few eyebrows to arch.
But ultimately, no one could compete with the horror that was MargueriteArgeneau's cruel joke on her unfortunate nine-year-old daughter. "I just did a terrible thing. I don't know what came over me," she confessed, evidently shaken (and suffering from well-deserved pain in the nasal area, of which more later).
"DD was hanging all over me as I sat her down with DH. She grabbed me around the neck and the following ensued. DD: 'Don't worry, I won't press your pressure point.' Me: 'What pressure point?' DD: 'This one right here...' <pokes her finger into the side of my neck>. I don't know why (other than I am cruel) but I slumped over, apparently unconscious. Cue her shaking and shouting at me, and DH (also cruel, apparently) shaking with silent laughter. I only came back to life when she leaned in close and bit my nose."
I think the expression you are all looking for is [shock].
Off to see how the campaign to institute that Pom Bear icon is getting on <saying nothing>...
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