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MAKE BONFIRE NIGHT GO WITH A BLAST! Mumsnet tips on all things 5th of November - the bonfire bonanza, recipe ideas for the firework feast and the-all-important safety drill for children, pets and pyrotechnicians.
5 November 2010
We've all come to expect some fireworks around Guy Fawkes' Night but it was still quite a surprise yesterday to read lostinwails' semi-incendiary account of her encounter with explosive diarrhoea. Not that it dampened her scientific rigour, oh noooo... "I'm quite sure I've just done something mad," admitted our galloping geek, confessing to having "swallowed a round piece of floaty plastic in order to time how long it takes to come out".
"Plastic?" queried the ever-practical Thingumy. "Sweetcorn would have sufficed." ShatnersBassoon was altogether more supportive, albeit in the time-honoured MN 'tough love' manner: "That is mad. I like your cavalier attitude to personal safety. Good luck with sifting through the rusty water." Thingumy wanted to know "what type/shape of red plastic did you eat? <intrigued>" while piratecat's mind was working overtime "imagining a Toy Story soldier emerging from your bottom".
"A round red bit of Lego," admitted lostinwails, before continuing, "I feel REALLY stupid now I've posted that." This seemed to confirm an admirable ability to concentrate on the details while spectacularly missing the bigger picture: to wit, she was publishing details of her bowel movements on an internet forum that will be used by social historians of the future to determine what 21st century womanhood was up to.
And then, of course, it began. TigerFeet had her own confession: "After coating last year's Christmas cake in edible glitter I sh*t sparkly cack for days." This fact was immediately seized upon by Chulita, who wondered "if that would tempt DD to try the potty?" DancingInTheDark's proud tale that "DS2 once pooed a reindeer sequin... on Christmas Day" had us all dabbing our eyes (and holding our noses) in festive recognition. A jaded TheProvincialLady proposed: "If you get really bored you could always eat more pieces and see if you expel the completed figure."
The latest update on the trial-by-plastic saw lostinwails wailing that the Lego was nowhere to be seen: "Noooo! I 'fessed up to DH, who in full scientist mode has decided that my methodology was terrible, Lego probably doesn't float as much as I thought and I should have swallowed sweetcorn instead! The weird thing is he didn't seem at all surprised I'd done it - that's 18 years together for you."
With a final exclamatory flourish, our bold experimentress smiled through the pain to bid everyone farewell with: "Here's to a weekend of sparkly baking!" Would it surprise you to hear that I have already been out this morning to buy edible glitter? Admit it, you all have [wink].
CALLING LEEDS AND LEICESTER MUMSNETTERS! Mumsnetters from Leeds and Leicester, with daughters aged 10 to 14, are needed for George at Asda focus groups on 23 and 24 November to talk about girls' clothing and underwear ranges. £30 cash for attending. Click here for more information.