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1 November 2010
Please bow your heads for a minute's silence as we take in kreecherlivesupstairs' solemn announcement: "Paul - the World Cup octopus - Dead." Kreecher had personal reasons to take it badly, given her dd's interest in the gambling cephalopod. "How will I break the news? She wanted to go and visit his aquarium over the Christmas holidays. I don't think I'll tell her. I already broke her heart about Father Christmas and the tooth fairy." As ever, MNers rushed to provide succour at a difficult time. DurhamDurham offered help in recipe form: "Black pepper, olive oil and a dash of sea salt. Paul will be delicious!" Oneofsuesylvesterscheerios was "wearing eight black armbands in his honour", when the news came from kreecher that her dd had found out at school. "She wondered if they would do a post mortem on him. When I told her no, she pondered on whether they'd allow her to do one. She got rather cross when I suggested he would probably be eaten." Thank goodness UnquietDad was around to provide some perspective and lift the sombre mood: "I had a bet on this happening. I put sick squid on it." Hurray!
The delightfully monickered FranknC*ck was musing over those firsts you don't write in the baby book last week. "First steps, first words, first haircuts, great baby book fodder. Today, DS (14mo) had another: first time lost in a shop. And we had 'first poo in the bath' a few months ago. Other 'firsts' you'd like to forget?" "First poo up a wall," replied GetOrfMoiLand, raising the stakes. "Changed DD on a table in my ex-MiL's newly decorated hallway, reached across to get a nappy and dd did a projectile poo which hit the new wallpaper 3ft away. She was about a month old. Should have put that in the baby book. Along with a picture of ex-MiL's face."
More fond reminiscing ensued, with nimbs remembering "the first time I caught DS's vomit in my hands", Frank recalling "the first time DS puked down my cleavage" and CMOTdibbler waxing nostalgic over her child's "first infestation". But MinnieMummy spoke for mothers of sons everywhere with, "First time they find their willy. First time they talk about it - 'Look mummy! It's gone all big!'"
IMoveTheStars canvassed for potential titles for books to add to Mumsnet's publishing arm, promoting her own future bestsellers Lentil Weaving and the Art of Mooncups and Casserole Recipe? Get a Slow Cooker. More than an hour later with nary a response, she added Coping with an Unanswered Post on Mumsnet <pouts> and replies started to trickle in. Deep Down, I Know I'm Being Unreasonable, offered whydobirdssuddenlyappear, while Stumbleine suggested How to Type so Politicians will Listen. LionOnTheFloorInAPoolOfBlood was keen to promote Zen and the Art of PFB Maintenance and Sapphireblwhooooo mooted the ultimate in maternal self-help - Learn to Love your Mother-in-Law. Judging by MN, that one would fly off the shelves.
MAKE BONFIRE NIGHT GO WITH A BLAST! Mumsnet tips on all things 5th of November - the bonfire bonanza, recipe ideas for the firework feast and the-all-important safety drill for children, pets and pyrotechnicians.