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24 September 2010
What fun, what fun, there's a wedding in the MN family and we are paying tribute in our own small way by dedicating the whole Round-up to one magnificent thread. Let us all be seated...
Madascheese was pleased as punch to announce that "DP pitched up yesterday with a very pretty piece of jewellery and proposed" and, like every excited bride-to-be, she wanted to know "the best ways to irritate all our guests, please".
"Do practise an autocratic voice to boss around all and sundry," offered ominolap, with the air of someone who has Been There. "Expect your bridesmaids to pay in full for outfits they loathe, insist they wear shoes that make their feet bleed, and at 11th hour demand they buy special hair clips at £59. This, of course, is in addition to demanding a shower and a hen week (£500+ a head). Order your mother to make certain arrangements, then criticise them regularly and publicly. Sleep with best man..."
Bigchris's advice regarding the venue arrangements struck a chord with many of us: "Make sure the ceremony, wedding breakfast and evening do are all in separate venues and miles apart with no parking so that everyone is furious about all the driving and can't drink and can't park." While bamboo reminded us about the generous spirit of the modern wedding (to the bride and groom at least) with: "If having a wedding list from an obscure, expensive London shop doesn't appeal, simply insert
dreadful witty poem inside the invitations asking for the cash instead in order to fulfil your lifelong ambition to stay in a suite at the Bellagio in Las Vegas."
"Thanks all of you, these are lovely, <making notes emoticon> do keep them coming," said our blushing bride. "At what point do I have a GIGANTIC falling out with my whole family and swear never to speak to any of them again? Was there something about forcing guests to keep their children in cupboards? And the hen night? I was thinking of insisting that 50 or so of my random acquaintances are forced to pay £3,000 each for a five-day cruise with painful immunisations beforehand?"
"Save the gigantic falling out for about three days beforehand to make sure there is no chance of making up before the big day," advised maryz, and added: "Have a two-tier list, so you send invites a month in advance, and then if anyone refuses, invite the next on the list and - this is most important - make sure you tell those next on the list that they are on a waiting list, so that they aren't under any illusion they are actually friends, but just there to make up the numbers if others can't come [bitter emoticon]." "Write your own vows," suggested NonnoMum, "make them as sub-A level and a*se-clenching as possible."
It fell to wise marantha to bring matters gently to a close: "To be honest, the best way to irritate your guests is to invite them in first place. Everybody is really just happier if you and groom elope."
Aaaah, but that would be missing the point, wouldn't it? Heartiest congratulations from the MN Massive, Madascheese! And please don't invite any of us.
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