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Talk Round-up
3 September 2010

Here's an object lesson in the importance of teaching small children how to use technology. D0G posted: "Oh bother, I just completely flashed at my window cleaner who is also my neighbour. DCs just asked me to pop a DVD on for them, so nipped out in the nud. Heard something scratching at window, went to peer round the curtain, DD yanked it at the same time and ta-da... I stood in my full, very naked, 40 weeks pregnant glory." Ethelina demonstrated some of the compassion and support for which is Mumsnet is famous with a soothing 'hahahahahahaha', before going on to suggest that: "Maybe he will be too embarrassed to knock and you will get your windows done free?" Crapweasel, I'm sorry to report, continued in a similar vein: "He's probably more scared of you than you are of him. No wait, that's spiders." This prompted D0G to inform her better half about the incident: "Just told DP and he said we'd better pay double this week. Git!" And in the end? Did she get her freebie? Not quite: "He didn't knock. Left a card to say he'd been. As if I didn't know."

Best not to enquire too closely what prompted AnyFuleKno to pose the question: "There's nothing that can end a crush faster than...?" But for her the answer is most definitely 'seeing a man in brown jeans'. Whether MNers with partners in possession of a pair of tan trews were supposed to be comforted or horrified by this was never made clear. White socks, hairy backs and halitosis made their inevitable appearance, but nevergoogle's 'badger pants' caused some confusion. What are they, precisely? Imaginations ran riot (although mostly in the direction of a single, unwanted stripe) but nevergoogle came back to clarify, somewhat disappointingly, that it's her "term for pants that look like a badger has had a right go at them". TheCrackFox finds a 'collection of Nazi memorabilia' a significant turn-off, while thefirstmrsDeVere's ardour is dampened by the sight of a chap 'putting on driving gloves and removing the Krooklok from his steering wheel'. And her tale of a friend's dinner date would chill the knickers of the loneliest maid: "I was with her when she met him and he seemed fine. Very fit, seemed normal etc. He turned up for the date in a jacket and shirt, took off the jacket and his shirt had... Winnie the Pooh embroidery. She went back to Australia not long after."

Ttalloo, bless her cotton gusset, was 'bewildered by bidets', wailing: "I've never had one other than on holiday and, even though I know what they're for, I've never used them (other than for dumping wet swimming costumes in). I really wouldn't know how." Naturally, the font of all wisdom that is MN came swiftly to the rescue, with ShinyAndNew imparting: "I hear they can be quite nice if you sit backwards on them. Not that I have tried it of course." Discussion ensued as to the direction one should sit while using a bidet (is there a U and Non-U approach to that particular U-bend?) but it fell to TheHeathenofSuburbia to sound a note of caution: "PiLs had one in their bathroom but I have never risked it. It's bad enough when the shower suddenly goes freezing cold/boiling hot, no way am I risking my fanjo to British plumbing!"

AITCHXXX

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