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27 August 2010
"What have you done that you reckon you are the only one or one of the few to have done it?" asked DarrellRivers, eager to share her own wince-inducing and strictly contra-medical advice tale of having removed her own copper coil contraceptive device. "Feel free to share," she said, crossing her legs (ouch) and looking concerned, in the style of a young Trisha Goddard. We quickly learned that Greensleeves did something unspeakable on the altar of a Catholic church "with a massive statue of the Archangel Michael glowering down at us throughout". CerealOffender admitted to having put "a cat in a wheelie bin", which might explain her absence from the boards these past couple of days...
There was a lot of nakedness and amateur surgery (folks, do NOT take scissors to a skin tag) before Greeny recalled having "procured a pig's head, prised open one of its eyes, set its ears at a jaunty angle and stuck a fag between its teeth then put it in somebody's fridge". Narkypuffin suggested that Greensleeves "should have to sit on her hands for a minute or two to give other people a chance. Not that they'll beat that. Unless the pig posts".
"Am I Being Unreasonable to dismantle DH's Lego constructions?" asked zapostrophe. "After all, we all know he can do clever things with bricks because he's nearly 40, and if we have to preserve the Great Tower of DH then the kids have much less to play with the next day." According to Widgeon, her DH says: "He's happy for me to break up his Lego creations as long as he gets a chance to show me first (and I say well done!). He would like to add that he recently made a vehicle containing all the bricks and pieces from the big Duplo box. Clever DH." Pancakeflipper spotted an opportunity for a very successful playdate, asking: "Does he want to meet up with my OH? I am currently being ignored by him because I dismantled the Lego garage and the cars he made this afternoon whilst I was out with the kids." The subject of the OP, one Mr Zapostrophe, then hijacked (or as he put it, "borrowed the missus' account") to declare: "I AM NOT 'NEARLY 40'!" Back at the helm, zapostrophe had a new question: "My husband will be celebrating his 39th birthday this year. AIBU to describe him as nearly 40?"
How to describe this last Talk highlight, I wonder? On the face of it, a simple thank you from missbeehiving to whoever recommended Oven Pride, accompanied by the kind offer of a snog, "with or without tongues". So far, so Good Housekeeping, but soft... what light through yonder oven door breaks? StealthPolarBear coyly revealed her great love of the non-scouring product: "I kept looking in my oven, turning the light on because it was just so gleaming! In fact," she recalled with a blush, "there are pictures on my profile." "Stealth," said missbeehiving, "it must have been you. Come closer, that's it <licks lips>..."
Now here is where it all goes a bit peculiar <breathes deeply>. LadyBiscuit then appeared and said: "I am going to get some today! You've sold me. Shall I post before and after pics?" To which the answer was a resounding YES, and before LadyBiscuit knew what was happening she had signed up for the first-ever Mumsnet Cleaning Product Photo Love Story.
Later that evening... (you'll all just have to imagine the words hand-lettered in a pink box at the top right-hand corner) LadyBiscuit returned. "Right, here goes: The oven is filthy!!! I'm horrified. I need Oven Pride - the miracle oven cleaner. Simply pop your trays in the bag, leave them for four hours and watch the dirt start to fall off immediately! It's a miracle in the oven, too!" So was it a happy ending? You'll have to look on the thread like the rest of us. Let's just say that if Oven Pride don't offer that woman a year's supply, it'll be a terrible
JUICY FACTS FOOTAGE! One sunny day, 12 families visited the British farms where the blackcurrants for Ribena squash are grown. Find out what happened here. And introducing Ribena Juiced Up! - which counts as one of your five-a-day - available in most Tesco stores from 9 August.