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Talk Round-up
13 August 2010

"Over time, does your loo seat subtly shift to the left or the right?" asked MilkNoSugarPlease. "Is it to do with Earth's magnetic field? Or am I dreaming it? Oh, and can you state your global position?" she further enquired, stating for the record "London" and "to the right". LucyLouLou was eager to impart that she swings the other way: "It's the left with me. My ass grew since I got pregnant and it's rebelling. I fully expect it to migrate entirely soon and then I will have to call someone to pull me out of the toilet." LostArt thought her right-leaning loo "was to do with the angle that it's 'attacked' by'", a description that calls to mind a lion bringing down a gazelle on the Serengeti rather than a middle-aged woman plonking herself on the ceramic. Many 'right, Basingstoke', 'left, Paisley' posts later and up pops a horrified Vallhala to exclaim: "Oh god! All this time, for 13 YEARS in fact, I have been blaming the phantom loo seat sliding on DD2 standing on it to close the window above. You mean to say that I now have to buy expensive gifts apologise because it is not DD2 who has caused the loo seat to wander but that the damn things do that anyway? Oh sheesh! Thanks MN, thanks a bunch."

"What was the last childish thing you did?" asked drinkyourmilk, who had been eating her beetroot in order to enjoy Barbie-pink wee. Instructionstothedouble replied: "I showed off doing handstands in front of DD and her friends and was quite pleased I was better than them. They are five and six years old." "When I go in any shop that sells talking toys I set them all off at once and run away," added Hassled, while tom57 was delighted to report that she "went roller-skating for the first time in 25 years last week. I used to be a 1980s Roller Disco queen but didn't think it would come back... it did! Very fast, backwards, sidewards, on one leg... DD, 11, was embarrassed after she got over the shock. Neither of us could walk the next day". NormalityBites, however, found humour in the mundane domesticity that blights all our lives with the magnificent: "I sniggered uncontrollably at DP who was cutting up a chicken. He said he was 'boning' it." Admit it, you're laughing.

And now we must all bow our heads for a brief moment to acknowledge the demise (in social terms) of one of our most beloved posters, BitterAndTwistedChoreDodger. She has been around for a while but, as she herself acknowledges in the OP of a thread entitled Oh God Share My Shame, this may no longer be the place for her. Over to BitterandTwisted for a full explanation, and adios mi amiga!

"I'm sorry, I may have to resign from MN. Considering its reputation for intelligent, articulate posters I feel I am doing the site a disservice by staying. I have just had an argument with DH about the tragic Lockerbie disaster. He maintained it was a terrorist attack, while I was adamant that it was an unfortunate air traffic accident. Imagine my horror when, mid-argument, the crushing truth dawned on me. I realised that shamefully I had confused in my head the Lockerbie disaster with <squeaks>... Emmerdale."

AITCHXXX

JUICY FACTS FOOTAGE! One sunny day, 12 families visited the British farms where the blackcurrants for Ribena squash are grown. Find out what happened here. And introducing Ribena Juiced Up! - which counts as one of your five-a-day - available in most Tesco stores from 9 August.

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