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Talk Round-up
25 June 2010

Festival time is upon us once more, and so is the annual "Is there an MNer-in-a-crowd identifier?" thread, posted this time by omnishambles, who suggested, "writing 'Nice Ham' on our cheeks" or perhaps sporting "a flag with 'Norks' written on it?" TeamEdward thought that "a Mooncup pinned to the lapel" might be nice, while there might be some confusion round the evangelical Christian tents if anyone follows Valpolicella's advice to wear "a small cod-shaped, fish-type brooch". SolidGoldBrass proudly stated that she was the owner of some home-made badges proclaiming 'Make Mine a Fruit Shoot' and something else that, were I to type it out, would send your spam filters on the fritz. (I'll leave you to guess, for she is a well-known merchant of filth.)

Omni was delighted with the responses and will endeavour to do "all of them at once", even promising to "do some loud parenting as well – though I'm not taking the DCs. I could just loud-parent some adults unlucky enough to be nearby." Thing is, it's Glastonbury she's going to: can't help but think that a face-painted, flag-bearing noisymaker with a fish and a feminine-hygiene product attached to her jacket will just blend seamlessly into the crowd...

"My neighbour is shouting at her tortoise," exclaimed ditavonteesed, although quietly, so as not to disturb the flow of human-to-reptile diatribe next door. "What is she shouting?" enquired a curious BigFatSepticToe. "Is it 'Oi, come back here you little...!'?" "That it is getting on her nerves, I kid ye not," revealed a flabbergasted dita. "Nasty things, tortoises: always winding people up," acknowledged Geocentric. "And, oh, the quiet, excruciating chewing of lettuce..."

But then biscuitsandbandages came out as a tortoise-shouter herself. "When the boys are in bed, we let her walk about (house-trained: don't ask) and she chews my trousers and frequently tries to trip me up (definitely deliberate). Can't let her out when the kids are up as she chases my eldest round the room (he's two)." Edam admitted that she had "no idea tortoises were so entertaining... But, honestly, biscuits, you've got one that chases a two-year-old? I'm sure two-year-olds are quite fast compared to tortoises." Not so, retorted biscuits, in a post peppered with [blushes]: "She really chases him, Edam. He is quick but easily cornered."

"If there was a degree in Mumsnet, what would you put on the syllabus?" asked isthatporridgeinyourhair this week. "IT Skills," said notwavingbutironing. "As in MNing whilst simultaneously booking an online shop and assisting with homework." "Applied Snobbery," suggested sethstarkaddersmum. "And I'm thinking the AIBU classes would be really fun." "The Flounce," said piprabbit with the air of One Who Knows, "followed by Returning with Dignity." LeQueen's proposed course: "10 Reasons Not To Google Dragon Butter (with a later module on Trauma Counselling For Your Dragon-Butter Flashbacks" predictably caused a collective shudder. Only SpringHeeledJack posed the knotty problem: "Yes but what about the children? Discuss."

And here's me thinking that's all we ever do...


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