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18 June 2010
An unusual enquiry, this week, from ampere, who asked, "Has anyone ever made their own artificial fake rocks for the garden?" adding, without a hint of irony, "How hard is it?" Thankfully, secunda voiced the question that every MNer was silently asking - "Can't you just get an actual rock?" - to which ampere mysteriously replied, "Not for £350 I can't." Perhaps assuming the intention was to construct the artificial geology from papier mache, Goblinchild warned: "When it rains they'll go soggy. I have many Ephemeral Art Installations under my belt. All end up as a squishy heap. This is where you come back and drip the information that you live in the desert." But in the absence of further explanation by ampere, the thread went badly off-piste. ACoupleOfKooks, representing the MN Craft Corner, asked: "Could you knit some?" NorbertDentressangle offered: "A loaf of bread bought in France last week. It was inadvertently left in the car until I found it today. Solid as a rock." "You could spray paint your cat?" suggested usualsuspect, a thought expanded by Norbert who proposed: "A few tortoises dotted around maybe? That would have the added bonus of a changing landscape." "Thanks for your input," said a returning ampere, stonily.
"Note to self," posted our pneumatic friend pagwatch, "the scaffolding at the front of the means that the men will be working at window level so a) try not to walk around in your bra and pants b) if you cannot remember a) then try at all costs to avoid having a little dance to All The Single Ladies. "You might get a discount," said ItsAllaBitNoisy, supportively. But pag declared: "They are far more likely to insist on danger money", before miserably revealing that she had to go out in a minute, past the workmen. "I will just have to do a cheery wave or it will be the walk of shame for the next three weeks," she declared bravely. "Be very careful," warned Noisy, "they might think you are continuing the performance... 'if ya like it then ya gotta put a ring on it...'"
Happy birthday to accidentalchickenkeeper, who had just opened her present from the in-laws. "I thought it was a framed picture as it was rectangular, heavy and had a definite outline round the edges. Oh how lovely I thought, a nice keepsake for a special birthday. I opened it with anticipation, only to find... a chopping board." Much top trumping ensued, with Iklboo and family early contenders for the Worst Gift Ever, having been in receipt of an umbrella from the pound shop, a used treadmill, a wrapped second-hand toaster and some petrol money. Cravingcroissants' MIL bought size 16-18 pants for her size 12 daughter-in-law, while HavingAnOffDay's DH once gave her a new wiper blade for Valentine's Day. But knockraven confidently claimed the prize with her now ex-husband's gift on her 40th birthday: "Are you ready? The legal separation documents. And a card to say happy birthday." How thoughtful.
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