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Talk Round-up
2 April 2010

Have I made a sinister Easter bonnet? fretted docket. "I thought it would be fun to make a bonnet with a fox chasing some chicks, but the finished article looks a bit scary. My son is in reception so this is my first brush with bonneting." "Where's the Easter message in that?" sputtered nickschick. "I think you have read the wrong guides for Easter bonneting." piprabbit agreed it was too gory: "It's a bit like sending out Christmas cards showing the turkeys arriving at the abattoir." "Maybe you could add a man in a red coat for that retro 'Countryside Alliance' look?" suggested ninah. But when the OP uploaded a picture of her scary bonnet for our final judgement, it won unanimous praise: "Those teeth! The fox is sneering!" gasped tortoiseonthehalfshell in awe. "The chicks are wide eyed and panicked." Bobbiewickham cackled her admiration: "Docket, you are a warped millinery genius."

We had a bit of a cross-forum rumpus this week, when some naughty boys from the 'CUK' IT contractor forum bustled onto the Talk boards in true Mrs Doubtfire style and got into a lather when they discovered that Mumsnet doesn't ban rude words. It all left MadamDeathstare fuming: "The way some of them go on about women and mothers makes me wonder if they have actually met a woman or if they were raised in a veal pen." Others didn't object to an occasional troll-invasion: "Couldn't we treat it as some kind of foreign exchange?" offered DuelingFanjo. Some of the chaps returned to beg for mercy: "Our admin has filtered out every possible swear word," bleated MrsFullyautomatix, "we are even forced to say 'tulip' when we actually mean 'sh*t'." "The thing about Mumsnet is that there are so many valid reasons for us to talk about sex (TTC), shit (potty training) and breasts (feeding) that there is absolutely no point trying to moderate our language," pointed out GrimmaTheNome sensibly. "And there are gardening threads, so you need to know you're planting a tulip rather than a euphemism."

What would your realistic car sticker say about you? asked AgentZigzag, feeling unconvinced by the claim: "30 and sexy". TallestTower thought that "35 and sexy (to octogenarians)" might be more persuasive, and cyb admitted hers should say: "I should be walking." "Baby on board = driver half asleep," warned sweetkitty, while pagwatch was slightly more aggressive: "I am in a bad mood, have sh*t loads of insurance and another car just in case." zapostrophe wanted her sticker to warn off dithering burglars: "Don't bother breaking into our car. It's filthy and smelly, and you'll come out with several pieces of Lego and a half-eaten oatcake." All of which reminded NorbertDentressangle of a sticker she had seen that very morning declaring 'Perfect Family on Board': "I thought it rather ironic that they were parked on double-yellow lines outside the off-licence before midday."

I think I'm in love with Brian Cox, drooled VicarInaTuTu, who added him to her Wonders of the Solar System: "Oh Brian, you could have accelerated my particles." "Let's find Higgs Boson together!" swooned an overexcited ampere, while zazen enjoyed making inappropriate suggestions involving rearranging the middle letters of Hadron. "I love his derangedly happy smiley highly moisturised face!" sobbed yummycrumpet. "He loves the world so much!"

April 1st was the perfect date to launch The Mumsnet Manifesto: "Given that we've been somewhat thrust into the spotlight this election, we thought we'd put together a list of Mumsnet's key policy recommendations," announced Justine. These included making childcare tax deductible and, erm, "restrictions on vending machines stocking Fruit Shoots". Some didn't notice the date: "It's a wishlist and unattainable," barked Scottishmummy. "Have you costed it?" Others joined in the spirit of things. Spidermama suggested "a tax on Greggs sausage rolls", while Hassled proposed that all prospective candidates took a pre-selection Reasonability Test: "If they are Unreasonable on any issue then they're out." "A stamp duty on Crocs," was Housemum's proposal, "ie you are allowed to stamp on the feet of anyone over ten who is wearing them." That definitely gets my vote.

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