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Talk Round-up
12 March 2010 

What form is your mid-life crisis going to take? asked snigger, "because I feel like I deserve one, and I need some inspiration." "I did buy a big steam iron recently," contributed KurriKurri, but others had more impressive plans. "I am going to build myself a big tree house!" trumpeted serinBrightside, while MaMight wanted 'a Chihuahua in a bag': "And I'll take up smoking again. Possibly a pipe." "I may stop being so boringly sensibly practical about keeping things 'because they might come in handy'," frowned AMumInScotland. "I think I'd rather enjoy living in a house where I couldn't immediately put my hand to a bit of string or spare set of shoelaces." Ditavonteesed and her chums are planning to set up a women-only commune: "We have worked out how much money we will have to buy our smallholding once we've paid our husbands off." "My midlife crisis shall be spent wearing leather catsuits and stilettos to go to Tesco," day-dreamed queenoftheslatterns, although she was perhaps more grounded than most: "In reality, I shall probably just cut all my hair off and get fat."

What is the daftest request you have had from your school? sighed RubysReturn, after being asked whether her daughter could bring in a fitted tweed suit 'like Miss Marple wears': "Of course, that is exactly what every seven year old has in their wardrobe or if not, is easily and cheaply found within 24 hours!" Milliways was rather depressed by her daughter's first ingredient list for cookery: "One hotdog. One bun. Ketchup (optional)". Lovecheese had to rustle up a Pearly Queen outfit: "But not to go to too much trouble as any garment encrusted with buttons and/or pearls would be fine!?!"

Blubbing pregnant ladies shared their tales of shameful sobbing after musicposy confessed to bawling hysterically by the ice-rink when her daughter's lesson was delayed: "Please tell me I'm not completely losing it." "I cry at everything," reassured PixieOnaLeaf. "I cried when I saw leaf buds on some trees the other day because Michael Jackson wouldn't be able to see them." Colie was still gutted about the passing of Elvis: "I found out he passed away when I was about 10 but found it extremely distressing to hear it on the news again recently." Tiredfeet was dreadfully upset after viewing the Creme Egg advert: "Where it catapults itself and splats." MummyElk joined in the sobbing: "He's someone's Creme Egg son, how would his mother feel?" Auburnlizzy78 fell to pieces in the cheese aisle at Sainsbury's: "I just thought about how lovely everything looked, with the shelves all fully stocked, and I was struck by how much choice there was."

SlubberFailedAtLent wanted to know all about those 'little Nissen huts that pigs live in': "Great big pig towns of them. Is it one pig per hut, or do they share?" "We call them pigloos," snorted pig wit AgentZigzag, but GrendelsMum brought home the bacon: "They're pig arks. The sow and piglet share a pig ark. And then the piglets become bacon and go and live on the shelves." ABetaDad excitedly confirmed the situation at some length: "I spent my formative years as a pig herd." "Gosh, I love Mumsnet sometimes," grunted OtterInaSkoda, "other parenting websites might be available, but I bet they don't have discussions about pig arks."

World Book Day dawned again and this year's prize for Most Inappropriate Outfit went to the parent from LadyOfTheFlowers' reception class who dressed her children as the Kray brothers: "They came complete with handguns." "What children's books are those kids reading?" gasped cakeywakey, "the big book of East End crimes?" "I'd rather see the Kray twins than yet another Disney princess," scowled runnybottom. "Where do you get a 60s mod suit for a five year old though?" I'm sure they're right next to the Tesco's Miss Marple outfits ...

MORNINGPAPER XXX

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