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26 February 2010
Cat-fight of the week occurred in Pedants' Corner, where a rumpus kicked off over whether one might have 'another thinG or another thinK coming'? "Oh, this makes me so cross," roared CJCregg, "It is THINK. Of course it is." "No no no! It's thinG!" screeched Edwardcullensotherwoman. Others couldn't bear the shouting: "I am feeling quite riled in my stomach that people on the interweb are disagreeing," whispered little flower AnnOdyne, while Groundhogs was panicking about the unforgetting nature of the internet: "Can we ask to get this thread deleted before anyone embarrasses themselves further?" "Thing people - it doesn't matter if you are in the majority or not. YOU ARE STILL WRONG," reprimanded theyoungvisiter, before pondering whether there was scope for a new comic-book heroine: "She would be just an ordinary mother until abuse of our language enrages her to such an extent that she swells with rage and becomes GRAMMAR GIRL."
Fresh-faced newbies James and Tania popped by this week to fret that Mumsnet was a sexist name for a parenting website, setting the ball rolling by copy-and-pasting their email correspondence with poor beleaguered OliviaMumsnet: "We think a title such as this propagates a stereotypical view that women are the main parents, and can't quite believe that anyone would think this as acceptable… Why not all work together?" they proposed cheerily, before adding "Have a happy day." "I'm having quite a happy day," whimpered Olivia, before throwing them to the dogs and suggesting they post their proposals on the Talk boards: "You'll be in good hands." "It is starting to seem as though we need a 'new ideas and criticisms from first-time posters' topic," tutted an unimpressed paisleyleaf. "The site, as we've correctly identified, is Mumsnet," explained namechanger JamesandTania slowly, "Not Explaining-the-obvious-at-great-length-over-and-over-again-net." "I suppose we could call it Peoplesnet but then the dolphins would get arsey," sniggered snigger. "If they had opposable thumbs and broadband, that is." "I think they have another think coming," tittered Uriel.
"We're feeding the birds," declared nature-lover bintofbohemia, "and a GREAT BIG RAT. We just had a lovely 20 minutes watching him picking up a bit of bread and butter and running home again." EarthMotherImNot thought that it was fine to feed him: "But when he has a heart attack from eating all that butter, you're going to feel so bad." "I have one too!" squealed inzidoodle. "My first reaction was to kill it but after hearing my DD shouting, 'Aw, a loverly mouse!' I kind of think he is cute." "What if the beastie comes in for jam?" fretted LeGod. "I applaud your inclusiveness but when he brings his mates..." "Awww, we have them in our garden!" cooed MomBombadil. "They are so cute and dance in the moonlight."
"Do you live in a real village?" asked envious townie squeaver, who lives in a pretend London village: "People say: 'I'm just popping into the village for something.' No you're not, you're walking up the A1. It's NOT a village if it's got a Tube station." Romantic tales of village life came thick and fast: FimBOW's village included "old ladies who cycle everywhere", while DownyEmerald can only catch a bus "on Mondays and Wednesdays". MammKernow's village newsletter said that five crimes were reported last year: "This 'unheard-of crime wave' was mainly caused by nasty men in a van ('from a town')". Feralgirl was not such a fan: "No cashpoint for bleedin' miles and cows giving birth very noisily in the night." And Isthatporridgeinyourhair warned potential city-escapees that villagers have long memories for dabblers in extra-marital jiggery-pokery: "One of my elderly neighbours is always referred to as 'that girl who went wrong in the War'." Thank goodness I live in a town.
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