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Talk Round-up
29
January 2010 

Cottages4You

If your work colleague had mistakenly given you naked photos of themselves, would you delete them? asked Whathebutlersaw, after her DH's weaselly colleague mistakenly loaned him a USB stick that contained bizarre images of an elephant drawn in eyeliner on his abdomen: "His 'Nigel' was the trunk." "How can we help if not fully informed?" demanded sneaky pagwatch. "You have to put them on your profile so we can properly judge what you should do." "Your DH should approach his line manager and ask for advice on how to handle the situation," advised professional Monkeyfeathers, "that way he looks like he's doing the right thing while embarrassing his colleague." Doodlez was certain it would be wrong to say nothing: "It'd be like a big elephant in the room between them, wouldn't it?"

What's the strangest compliment you've ever received? After a drunken dinner party spent reminiscing, MaggieNilAonSneachta was a bit dejected to be told: "I bet you were really pretty." Gagamama didn't feel terribly romantic when her DP whispered: "You look beautiful in the dark." Jeee was bemused to be told: "You have such lovely hairy arms. In Russia we know what that means." BrightonMama's clueless colleague struggled to return a compliment one morning: "She finally came up with, 'You look warm.'" "You're my perfect woman," declared MarineIguana's male friend, before adding: "If only I could have your mind in XX's body." "I wish I had a waist," sighed ApplesinmyPocket, but her DD was quick to reassure: "But you have, Mummy! LOTS of waist!"

SqueezyIsStartinAResolution wanted to know about unusual things we have swallowed after her DH's colleague inadvertently gulped down his false tooth, which he later (ahem) retrieved and had refitted. VinegarTits once wolfed back fish bait: "My mate told me it was rice." Neglectful Flower3554 was once minding a child who swallowed a whole pickled onion: "It landed in her nappy in the exact form it went in her mouth, whole and perfect." "One dark night DH leaned out of the bed for his inhaler," recalled PortBlacksand, "took a suck and... it was DS1's harmonica. The sound woke me up and I literally cried with laughter for hours."

What funny habits did you have as a young child? asked Megglevache, who used to carry an empty yoghurt pot around with her "just in case I saw a rainbow on the floor (oil spill in a puddle)". Fearless Lubyloo and her sister used to "drink the blood from the defrosting chicken", while optimistic ShowOfHands would "open the wardrobe with my eyes screwed tightly shut, fingers outstretched, just hoping this, this would be the time I found Narnia". Feral TheBreastmilksOnMe liked to "tie worms in knots" and kreecherlivesupstairs dug up the cat "to check it's decomposition rate". Cunning Izzybiz once tried to trick the tooth fairy "by putting the end of a knitting needle under my pillow". Coolma hit herself over the head with a marrow in the greengrocers to see if it hurt: "My mother has never got over it - she said people looked at her 'sadly'."

We might be out of the recession but the housing market is still pretty depressed, as is house-seller ChickensLoveMarmite who was told this week that her garden was untidy: "It's JANUARY!" she wailed, "Tell me your feedback tales of woe to cheer me up." Gumbo's house viewers complained that her three-storey townhouse had "too many stairs": "What did they think we'd have? Escalators? Lifts? Rope ladders?" Titchy's viewers weren't expecting her mid-terrace to be "so close to the neighbours". Sweetkitty's country bumpkin viewers were disappointed when they discovered that it was only her small London flat for sale: "They thought it was the WHOLE block of sixteen flats." Poor holiday landlord aJumpedUpPantryBoy had customers threatening her with trade descriptions after being misled by the name of her holiday cottage - "'Beech Cottage' (large beech tree in the garden)" - because it was nowhere near the coast. I don't think they'd last long on Mumsnet.

MORNINGPAPER XXX

 

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