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Talk Round-up
22
January 2010 

Luxury Family Holidays

I snapped at DS in Gap the other day, before realising it wasn't him, confessed MamaG, who sought reassurance that she wasn't the only person given to mistaking identities. Cicatrice was shopping when she felt a little person biting her bum – which didn't concern her until she saw her son on the other side of the shop: "The little lad who had been biting my bum was horrified when I turned round." Catinthehat2 was struggling to leave a café with her pushchair while remonstrating with a foreign couple who would not let her pass: "It took some time for them to get out the English words for, 'Would you mind not stealing our child, yours is over there you mad bint'." MmeLindt's DH suffered an unfortunate case of mistaken sausage when he helped himself to a sample on the butcher's counter, only for a woman in the queue to bark: "Do you mind? That is my lunch."

Feeling a little old and batty, we were reminiscing about things from our childhoods that our children will only see in museums, starting with StealthPolarBear's memories of "typewriters - inky fingers and changing ribbons" and MavisEnderby's "computer paper with those perforated edges you had to tear off". "Good old vinyl records," warbled NorbertDentressangle, "DD saw one when she was younger and thought it was a 'giant CD'." HumphreyCobbler missed halfpenny coins: "I told my class about these and one small chap said knowingly, 'Well, that WAS in the olden days Miss'." "Smoking everywhere," croaked old-timer CantucciniVS, adding: "Museums in the future should set up recreations of smoky pubs." Brentford Nylons were hard to recall without flinching. "I got a nylon nightie and negligee set when I was about ten, to go with my nylon bedding," cringed WickedWench, "I used to spark like nobody's business just turning over in bed."

Cathartic release this week as we were admitting to the things we would like to say in our professional lives but really, really can't. "Yes, I do expect you to work whilst in work," snarled slave driver Ronaldinhio, "this does not make me a cruel despot but at the moment you are so inactive that I'm unsure if you are currently in a PVS." EccentricaGallumbits wanted to snap: "You are in labour. Of course it hurts. Did you not read about it?" Number-cruncher snigger wanted to scream: "This is a carrier bag of manky receipts. This is not 'books'." "No, you cannot remove the pillar in the middle of the meeting room in order to look more impressive at the pitch," growled TheWorldFamousKewcumber, "the roof will fall in and you will look like tw*ts." UnquietDad had work-related terminology he wanted to clarify: "I am freelance. This does not mean I work for free."

Meanwhile, the British economy lost approximately three working days while Mumsnetters showed off their creative skills making their own David Cameron posters. They coined choice slogans, such as coldtits': "Stealing your milk since 1979." I'm sure it's just a matter of time before we're all headhunted by (Beta).

MORNINGPAPER XXX

 

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