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Talk Round-up
January 2010 

Cottages for you

"Only 1% of kids packed lunches healthy!" trumpeted the School Food Trust this week and helpfully suggested alternatives such as falafel and hummus with onion and avocado salad - complete with approximate preparation timings. "I'm shocked that they seem to think 16 to 30 minutes is a reasonable time to spend making a packed lunch!" guffawed l39. "Has the person who made up these menus ever tried to get two or three children ready for school while breastfeeding a baby?" "And bread! What's wrong with bread?" wailed Francagoestohollywood. "Can't we get the clowns who dreamt this up in to have a 'round the kitchen table chat' at MNHQ?" suggested a sly bibbitybobbity. "Presumably they will refuse all offers of biscuits," chortled ImSoNotTelling. "Oooh, I rather fancy a Marmite sandwich and an apricot Frube now," drooled TigerFeet.   

Am I being unreasonable to want to quit my job NOW and never, ever go back? cringed nursery nurse IncontinentiaBotox, who foolishly decide to Google for a natural solution to threadworms. Dr Google revealed that garlic in both ends is the lentil-weaver's solution of choice, but this caused an unfortunate explosive incident in the staff toilet: "People were actually considering going home early because they felt sick." "Sometimes vile chemical preparations are a good choice," advised LynetteScavo and LadyintheRadiator agreed: "Next time just go to Boots, eh?" Northernlurker offered her support: "I think you should move abroad to be honest." And kinnies suggested: "Drastic plastic surgery and fake your own death." But ZZZenAgain manfully urged: "Be brazen, go in there wearing a gas mask and say, 'Boy, I'm going to be needing this today! Sorry, girls!'"

Name five vaguely interesting things about yourself or your family, teased LeQueen (who has been arrested and can milk a goat). A worrying proportion of Mumsnet seems to have woken up in the same bed as a member of the Royal Family, while BigBadMummy has "held £1 million in £50 notes". "Both my daughters were conceived on the same day, two years apart," reminisced PuzzleRocks, admitting, "I realise that makes my sex life sound pitiful." Paulaplumpbottom was once "given a ticket in Holland for wild peeing" and mrspink27 was proud to reveal that she once won a competition for "pigeon plucking at speed". "Colin Firth told his sister he fancied me," hyperventilated bibbitybobbity, but Nancy66's factoid trumped them all: "I've just been speaking to Gina Ford on the phone!"

Something Nick Clegg probably hasn't been doing this week, after telling the Times that Ford's routines were comparable to "sticking babies in broom cupboards". A displeased Ms Ford reportedly said: "If the Liberal Democrat party wishes to be taken seriously, it should perhaps look to getting a more mature leader." "I would never have thought of voting for him before Gina Ford came along and rubbished him," mused whomovedmychocolate, while WhereChaosTheoryRules is finally up to date: "Nick Clegg has the election coming up, and thanks to Gina Ford I now know who he is!" "He has now got my vote," agreed Custardo, "I don't care about policies and sh*t. This does it for me." "I can relate to a man who is too tired to give a toss about libel," nodded treedelivery approvingly. I couldn't possibly comment.



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