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Talk Round-up

8 January 2010 

simpson

Happy New Year! If you could have given yourself one piece of advice last year, what would it have been? asked lisad123wantsherquoteinDM, who suggested: "Don't eat the chocolates." InMyLittleHead could have used the warning: "Your car is going to run out of MOT in January, not November - that's the tax, you muppet", while zookeeper learned: "Don't ignore the red lights on the car dashboard - it means something is wrong with your car." Ggirl was definitely older and wiser: "Don't invite your parents on holiday with you", while a worrying number of Mumsnetters, including itwascertainlyasurprise, wished to impart some belated contraceptive wisdom: "Advice to self - SOMEONE has to be in the 0.1%"

To start 2010 we enjoyed a cosy webchat with Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg, who strode in manfully "only a bit late, snow brushed off having crossed the road from the Commons..." First question on the table was "Biscuits, biscuits, biscuits" from BigBadMummy, for which Nick came well-prepared: "Let's get this one out the way. Rich Tea if dunked. Hob Nobs if not." Onebat wanted to know whether he'd rather be snowed in with Gordon or David, but greedy Nick wanted a ménage à trois: "Both. Watching them squabbling would help pass the time."

Snow joke elsewhere in Mumsnet when a nine-day overdue Stellamel went into labour in the snowy Peak District: "I am SERIOUSLY snowed in and need advice ... the midwife will have to come to me via our local mountain rescue team and stay till the job is done."  Hundreds of increasingly broody posters refreshed their screens obsessively and even the Guardian was hooked on the drama. Chaostrulyreigns whiled away the hours thinking up suitable names: "I was thinking about that baby who was born in a car recently and was named Kia... What about Bob (as in sleigh)?" Keen Twit GeraldineMumsnet spotted a Tweet in the ether which put us out of our misery: "Mel had a boy at 1:30 this morning, 9lb 3.5 oz. Mum & baby (Jimi Ray) fine." "Fantastic news!" cheered Poledra. "Finally - a use for Twitter!"

What would you do if you were a man? pondered ArizonaBarker this week, who would "grow some stupendous lambchops. Real conversation starters. People wouldn't know my name but they'd all know me because of my delightful chops." KurriKurri thought she would probably "stride up and down talking about myself", while pointydig felt similarly masterful urges: "I'd swagger about a bit and lift heavy things. I'd be out doing a heck of a lot of shovelling." Bobbiewickham dreamed that she'd have "pants that reappear clean in my bedroom after I sling them onto Magic Laundry Mountain."  "When buying a second-hand car, I'd pop the bonnet and prod knowledgably at a few things in there," mused LeQueen, "even though I have been known to pour washer fluid into the radiator before now."

Much upset this week over a new £1.25 million billboard campaign, which plastered buses and hoardings with the phrase: "Career women make bad mothers" in the hope of sparking public debate.   "I feel like putting exploding knickers on" ranted an angry HerBeatitude. Dittany suggested slightly more decorous direct action: "Somebody needs a ladder and an aerosol can to sort this out. Or a lot of someones, a lot of ladders and a lot of aerosol cans." Mrsbaldwin suggested "a shedload of dirty nappies landing on the floor of the ad agency offices" which had  Dominique07 chomping at the bit: "Is it wrong to feed DS curry in preparation for the attack?" But before the nappies were fully loaded the Outdoor Advertising Association issued an apology and promised to withdraw the ads, assuring us that: "We did not intend to cause any offence." But it was too late for poor Justine, who was already deleting posts aplenty because "this is what we've agreed with the LAWYERS!" BecauseImWorthIt encouraged us to rally round behind our Great Leader: "I have a name for our campaign: Mothers4Justine." Wonder what handbag would go with my Spiderman outfit?

MORNINGPAPER XXX

 

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