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27 November 2009
We're still wiping the drool off our keyboards after this week's live webchat with Guardian columnist and broadcaster Charlie Brooker. Mr Brooker arrived in a manly blaze, declaring: "I AM ALREADY BETTER AT THIS THAN DAVID CAMERON." Various posters got straight to the point. MrsMalcolmTucker confided: "You are on my list of people that it would be OK to sleep with and it wouldn't count as infidelity, so if you ever find yourself with a spare couple of hours to kill in West Yorkshire, do please get in touch." PopsyWind wanted to know whether Charlie was a fan of internet message boards. "I used to frequent a board or two many years ago," he admitted, "but quickly got into rows and behaved like a prick." "You will fit right in!" reassured WouldYouCouldYouWithaGoat.
Am I being unreasonable, asked Swedington, to want my dad to stop calling me sausage? "I'm 45 FFS!" Macwoozy is also the sausage of the family: "But I'm more freaked out that my cousin is known as 'mash'." "Perhaps you could be something a bit more grown up," suggested CatIsSleepy, "Chorizo?" "I was Pigeon," recalled a bemused whoisasking, who never fathomed why, "unless I was constantly sh*tting on the car windscreen and was minus a foot." "I still get called puke-o," sulked zanz1bar, "and yes, I did puke a lot as a small child, but I am now 41." ImSoNotTelling counselled her to hold onto her nickname for as long as possible: "When I had DD1 my mum said to me, 'How's little tootles?' My brother exclaimed, 'But I'm Tootles!' He is in his 30s."
What nice things do you remember from your time at primary school? asked PixieOnaLeaf, who recalled "being taken to the local shop by the headmaster to buy an ice-cream as a reward for good behaviour". Cocolepew had rather more bizarre memories of being sent out to buy 'fags for teacher': "But we went in pairs, so it was safe." Likewise Gladbag, who recalled a playground craze for little penknives: "Everyone had one, whittling away on sticks and making spears and things." And Wilkos recalled the time her teacher wheeled in a dead badger, exhorting her young students to gather round: "Because it's not very often you'll get to see one of these in the wild." A now-grown-up wilkos noted that the correct response should have been: "No, we probably won't Miss, mainly because you just squashed one with your car."
Am I being unreasonable to not be able to stop my DC from jumping on the bed? asked monkeymaman. "One just fell off and bumped his head. I phoned my GP and he said to stop them jumping on the bed, but they won't stop!" Tibni suggested a home visit: "You need the doctor with his bag and his hat, who knocks on the door with a rat-a-tat-tat." "The medical services are under a lot of pressure at the moment," tutted MisterAlestorm, "I heard of a GP in Gloucestershire who was recently caught in the floods and he stepped in a puddle and it was waist deep!" SebbysMum recommended home treatment for any head injuries: "I've heard vinegar and brown paper works well." While an angry MrsDucky thought she was definitely not being unreasonable: "My DC went swimming today and when it was time to come home, only four of them bothered, and one of them is missing!" "I hope none of you are sucking your thumb, or the Scissor Man will come and snip them off," shuddered deaddei. "Now that would be a challenge for NHS Direct."
YOUNG PEOPLE AND ALCOHOL: SURVEY WITH PRIZE DRAW. We've been asked by Ed Balls' team to find out your views on talking to young people about alcohol. If you have a child aged 9-16, please take this survey. Everyone who completes it will be entered into a prize draw to win £250 in store vouchers. Whatever the age of your child, you can also add your thoughts on alcohol and children here.
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