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Talk Round-up
13 November 2009

Am I being unreasonable to cringe when I see handbags on kitchen work tops, squirmed wonderingwondering: "It's my pet hate. Handbags get put on the floor all the time. Then people put them on their kitchen work top." "I never put my bag on the floor either," shuddered clean-freak Ewe, "and I often wipe it with an anti-bac wipe." La chic Bonsoir agreed: "My handbag has its own special chair at home." "A handbag is the least of my worries," clucked Chickenshavenolips, "last night I had a hen sat on my kitchen work top, eating grapes out of the fruit bowl."

Apparently my daughter thinks my life isn't embarrassing enough, sulked BibiThree after being informed by her dd's teacher that: "She announced to her class today in 'news' time that she's 'sleeping on the floor like a dog' at night. She is currently sleeping on an airbed on her floor for a couple of nights as her new bed didn't turn up on time." PeedOffWithNits recalled the time her nephew was asked what he did in the holidays and wrote 'I went to the wine shop with Daddy to get some wine' and drew a picture of himself holding Daddy's hand: "In Daddy's other hand was a bottle of wine as big as himself." Tomatefarcie was approached by her daughter's teacher after she had described being given 'cheese and bones' for lunch: "In fact, it was a cheese string with a picture of a pirate flag on it." Forehead recalled the time her daughter announced to everyone that she was having two babies called Chloe and Destiny: "I only found out about this when I arrived at the nursery to pick her up and was congratulated by the nursery manager, who told me that my bump was developing nicely. I enrolled at the gym the next day."

We've been busy compiling Mumsnet Crap Tips this week (which are very different from the real ones, obviously): "Seal off really untidy rooms with crime scene tape over the doors" (Gentleotter); "Feed your new hamster straight to the cats. It'll save heartbreak in the long run" (BigHairyLeggedSpider); "Set several alarm clocks to go off at intervals throughout the night to save your children the bother of waking you!" (GreenMonkies); "Ask your teenager to write down a long list of all the many and varied ways in which you are rubbish, lame and embarrassing. When you wake up, you can simply glance through it rather than requiring him to drip feed them to you all day" (pagwatch) and finally: "Invest in pieces of plastic fruit to send to school in the children's lunchboxes. This way, instead of an apple or banana travelling to school each day, being ignored and brought home again, to go back in tomorrow's lunchbox, until it is too battered to be used again, your children will always have a fresh and crisp-looking piece of fruit in their lunchboxes" (Stayingsunnygirl). A plastic banana: the new essential Mumsnet accessory.

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