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Talk Round-up
23 October 2009

This week squeaver shared a fun evening at her parents' house: "One hour of gossip from the RNLI coffee morning. Twenty minutes of detail on my Dad's medications. Thank the Lord for the iPhone." "Have you read any copies of Saga Magazine yet?" asked UnquietDad. "I bury my nose in them to pretend not to have heard my mother when she starts on a racist rant. All it takes is for the news to be read by Krishnan Guru-Murthy." Becstarlitsea's parents play a fun game of Guess Who's Dead Now: "I refuse to guess: It's always someone I didn't know and won't miss." Kickassangel's mother-in-law speaks for her whole generation: "We do try new things, but we find we just don't like them." 

A different sort of mother-in-law crisis this week for DrNortherner, who had been gifted a ghastly hand-me-down evening frock, which she swiftly donated to a charity shop: "She is off on a cruise next month, has lost weight and now wants it back. HELP me." "The only real way out of this is divorce," advised SueMunch, "unless you can arrange a small, highly localised fire in your wardrobe area." "Tell her you wore it when you murdered someone," suggested FlamingoBingo helpfully, "and had to burn it to destroy the evidence." "You're going to have to fake your own death," screamed Butterball, although whomovedmychocolate thought she might fall for a tale about a cat leaving an animal carcass on the offending garment: "This can happen. I once found a wild rabbit in my knicker drawer."

Humiliating pregnancy symptom of the week for Thandeka, who keeps blushing profusely when being introduced to lesbians, an unfortunate condition as she works in sexual health: "A lot of my work is with challenging homophobia and working with the gay community." "Maybe your baby is homophobic?" fretted MandaHugNKill. "Reading anti-homophobic literature aloud now your baby can hear may be the way forward." "Maybe looking at pictures of lesbians would desensitise you?" suggested an optimistic LissyGlitter, while ajamore sympathised: "I blushed EVERY time I told someone I was pregnant. I can only assume that it was deeply embedded Catholic shame that I was, in effect, admitting I had actually had sex."

Should I go out there? wibbled wussy mrmump: "It's really windy here and the garden gate is banging. Thing is, DH is at work all night and I'm in my jarmies. And I bet the bogie man is waiting in the shadows just beyond the security light." "Oh don't be so silly," scolded whomovedmychocolate manfully, "the bogie man is upstairs, waiting for you to turn the lights off." "Jammies reduce the chance of a mad axe-murder," reassured Poledra, "skimpy little silky nightie, on the other hand, is akin to going down the cellar to see what the noise is." JackBauWooohooohoowa thought the teasing was a bit rum: "For all we know, mrmump is being poked with long sticks down some lunatic's 'girl-keeping well'." "You need a torch with dodgy batteries that will give out when you reach the gate," piped up itsmeolord, "and a big spooky tree that comes alive and stuff. Hope that helps."

Mumsnet made the front pages this week after Prime Minister Gordon Brown popped into Mumsnet Towers for a webchat - and failed to answer repeated questions about his favourite biscuit, focusing instead on things like politics. Biscuitgate gossip was buzzing everywhere from the Wall Street Journal to Prime Minister's Questions, which had GentleOtter in a panic: "Do you think our innocent biscuit question may lead to the collapse of the government as we know it? Who will be the first to mention 'Golden Credit Crunch'?" Other party leaders clamoured to get their biscuit choices heard, leading to fears about a hidden Tory agenda: "In real terms, 'oatcake' translates as massive public spending cuts once the Tories are in power, which will probably be socially and economically disastrous," deconstructed ZephirineDrouhin. Meanwhile, others pondered the biscuit choice of BNP leader Nick Griffin. "I think we can be sure it's not Gypsy Creams," snorted GrimmaTheNome.

MORNINGPAPER XXX

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