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11 September 2009
Am I right to have made assumptions about this couple's sex life? asked house-hunter shineoncrazydiamond, who was amazed when a seller showed her into a master bedroom adorned with hundreds of stuffed toys: "This couple can hardly be at it every night rampantly, can they? 'Hold on, darling, I am squashing Trunky!'" "Grown-ups with rooms full of cuddly toys are unhinged," shuddered Overmydeadbody, "no real man would allow this would he?" "Room full of soft toys = no sex life," agreed supersleuth cyteen, "Room full of china dolls = bodies under the floorboards."
What stuff do you own that hardly anybody else does? asked BitOfFun, the proud owner of "a pipe that Basil Rathbone smoked when he was playing Sherlock Holmes". ArizonaBarker boasts "a lectern in the bedroom", while MaryBS is blessed with "a cassock and surplice". MrsChemist showed off her "fully-functioning 1960s dentist chair" and ClaudiaSchiffer enthralled us with her photograph of her great-grandfather "in chains and manacles - he was an escapologist". Sentimental Deemented keeps her own slipped disc in a jar, fondly informing us: "It looks like crabmeat."
Which of these British foods should this American try first? asked our keen stateside chum BananaPudding: "My little Texan village grocery has expanded and is trying to be very posh all of a sudden and has put in a British section of food!" Posh victuals on offer include HP Brown Sauce, Branston Pickle, Marmite and Galaxy chocolate – not to mention Heinz Spotted Dick: "It's creating hilarity and shock through the town!" Cece recommended employing the Branstons in a traditional ploughman's lunch, "often found in Ye Olde Pub". Philistine catinthehat2 admitted she was rather partial to American chocolate: "I really like that weird sheepy vomity cheesy taste." But the general consensus was that the Galaxy topped the list: "I think anyone with even a normal level of chocolate afficionado-ness would appreciate Galaxy over Hershey's," mused TrillianAstra, "but it is dangerous if you currently think that Hershey's is okay." Canadian expat NotQuiteCockney thought they were all vile British choices: "Brown sauce is gross and troubling - since when was 'brown' a flavour?"
A Carry-On with the Window Cleaner moment this week for dizzymare, after she was disturbed in the act of giving herself an intimate examination: "Up comes his head with a squeegee and he looks straight at me." "For these reasons I'm glad I live in a flat and my window cleaner uses a really long brush to clean my windows," noted a relieved MrFlibble. "Many years ago my mother was caught by the window cleaner teaching me how to use a potty," recalled EyeballsintheSky. "The HV had told her that the best way was to actually get down on it and show the child what to do. Hence he caught my mother perched on the potty doing a poo." Despite these empathetic confessions, dizzymare was inconsolable, sobbing: "I'll never be able to show my face again." "I don't think he'll recognise your face," smirked differentID.
GOT A CHILD AT SCHOOL? TAKE OUR POLL AND YOU COULD WIN A £250 VOUCHER! The School Food Trust would like to know about the school meals in your child's school - or why you choose to give your child a packed lunch instead). The survey is open to all mums in the UK with at least one child at school. Everyone who takes part will be in with a chance of winning a £250 voucher for a store of their choice
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