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Talk Round-up
4 September 2009

"It happens too, too quickly..." sighed loflo as we kicked off the new school year: "Already 'no' has been replaced with 'nuh' and I have been called an arsehole." Bubblegumsupermum's DS was hopeful that he would be let out for good behaviour, optimistically declaring: "Now I've been good and done it Mummy, I don't have to go back!" Thequeensfool had no such useful feedback from her DD: "I asked her if she'd had a nice time this morning and she blew a raspberry at me." And kreecherlivesupstairs was not convinced that her DD was telling the whole truth: "Apparently they do spelling tests EVERY day, Ms X her teacher dangled S out of a window by his ears and the recorder teacher has hair in her armpits."

Breathless from the school-run, papulacandin had an important style question: "Am I being unreasonable to think that turning up to your daughter's first day of school wearing an 'Anti Early Years Foundation Stage' t-shirt is a bit off?"  FarkinBarkin wondered whether she's got a whole set of them made up specially: "Anti KS1 for the first day of Yr1; Anti SATS for the first day of Yr2 and Yr6. Gawd knows what she'll dream up for Yr7." "I might make one myself, for tomorrow," pondered SlartyBartFast. "Something like: School Holidays Rock." "How about 'Another brick in the wall' for your children?" suggested OrmIrian.

Go on laugh at me. I deserve it, sniffed a gloomy BunnyLebowski this week, after locking herself out of the house and attempting to break in via her own bathroom window: "Got my top half in no bother, but couldn't angle my legs to fall in. I got stuck. Couldn't get in but couldn't get back out. Then I started panicking and hyperventilating. Ten minutes of stuckage later the fire engine arrived and two lovely firemen extricated my fat arse from said window. Oh, then the ambulance turns up and I'm wrapped in one of those tin foil blankets and given an oxygen mask. All the neighbours are at this stage watching and offering help. Today I can hardly walk and I haven't even opened the blinds for fear of someone pointing and laughing at me." "Some people will go to any lengths to meet firemen," snickered Tidey, while Sagacious tried to be helpful: "Take some arnica for the bruising?"

Am I being unreasonable to put Rescue Remedy in the family juice jug? asked a fretful GreensleevesFlounced. "We are all grumpy and stressed. Is it 'drugging' them?" "Just put gin in yours and you won't need any in the family jug," suggested MIAonline, while Thunderduck tried to reassure: "It is just water and brandy." "It is NOT just water and brandy," objected a defensive Greensleeves, "it contains Other Things." "What, like 'magic'?" chortled cynical SpawnChorus.

"DS loves his Buzz Lightyear pants," smiled shoppingbagsundereyes fondly: "If you could have your hero on your pants, who would it be?" 5inthebed fancies some Angelina Jolie knickers, while nevergoogledragonbutter wants a pair sporting Barack Obama. BuckBuckMcFate really wants Tony Benn pants: "But it's just wrong!" "I quite like my local fire brigade," drooled largeginandtonic, "although that is quite a few people to fit on my pants, even though they are on large side." It would be a nice welcome should they come across your derriere neatly framed by a bathroom window.


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