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Talk Round-up
28 August 2009

Make sure your zombie plan is up to date Mumsnettters were warned, following important academic research by a Professor Robert Smith demonstrating that certain strategies are more effective than others in dealing with the undead. Kevlarhead noted that us Brits had a historico-geographical advantage: "Castles: Great big wall. Huge gates. Hide in your nearest National Trust Property." "Perhaps they could write a zombie attack into The Tudors to demonstrate that," suggested cornsillk. "Anne Boleyn would make a great zombie." But IdontMN2makecopyforlazyjournos spotted a flaw in her plan: "Anne Boleyn couldn't be a zombie, because she was killed by being decapitated. Sorry to be a pedant." Poor NormaSknockers was feeling inadequate: "Goodness me, I don't even have a plan for a power cut, let alone a zombie attack!"

Crokky put out a call for someone with a biology background to settle a marital dispute, after her husband left plastic tags from clothes labels on the kitchen table: "I think it would be really harmful to eat a little T-shaped piece of this tag and that it would get stuck in the children's intestines and not be visible on an x-ray and potentially kill them." Resident GP PacificDogwood offered reassurance that it would "re-emerge unaltered after a couple of days". Sharksarepeopletoo confirmed this was indeed the case when her DD swallowed a pound coin: "The coin was a funny colour when I got it back but it still went in the parking meter okay." Teddington's DD once ate the zip off her grobag: "She announced this over the baby monitor, 'Oops, Daddy, I think I eated my bag!'"

Am I being unreasonable to be repulsed by the words 'pasta bake'? asked EleanoraBuntingCupcake. "I actually retch at the thought." Ttalloo agreed: "It is far tastier and more honest just to toss some pesto and parmesan into cooked pasta." Trefusis was baffled by the thorny issue of food honesty: "Where's the deception in a tuna pasta bake? When you dish one up, everybody knows what you did." "The chicken and vegetable fajitas that I am going to eat tonight have just told me they contain NO calories," announced herladyship. "Do you think they are being honest?" "Tuna pasta bake is an issue of class," concluded MaryMotherOfCheeses. "You thought it was just a mix of flavours which didn't go, but it's all to do with your father's job when you were a child." kathyis6incheshigh recalled her worst ever pasta dish: "Parmesan and lemon - the acidity of the lemon combined with the taste of the parmesan made the experience unpleasantly like vomiting in reverse."

Poncetastic poser of the week was FoffDailyMail's: Is there a difference between Farrow & Ball 'Old White' and 'Bone'? "They look EXACTLY the same on the colour chart." "They are both white with a hint of pretentious," scowled cynical FlightHattendant. "You may have an antiquated texture on your walls but that doesn't mean you don't live on a new-build in Swindon." "They taste slightly different when you lick the finished wall," mused preciouslillywhite, "Bone tastes slightly of feta, while Old White has a hint of langues du chat. Whereas all Dulux shades have a strong note of Haribos and B&Q own brand tastes of Lambert & Butlers." I wonder if they have a Zombie shade with a hint of tuna pasta bake?

MORNINGPAPER XXX

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