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Talk Round-up
3 July 2009

Al Fresco

Crucial biscuit question - which are posher: Rich Teas or Custard Creams? demanded JustineMumsnet this week: "We're split down the middle at HQ and it's more important than you think!" Much fighting ensued. "Custard Creams are a bit 'bling' with their fancy sides," frowned voda860 and ActivityApple agreed: "Custard Creams are a bit 'new money' frankly. If you really want posh, get cook to whip you up some shortbread." The fierce debate moved on to Garibaldis and fig rolls, although squeaver thought the difference between them was marginal: "Because you can imagine someone eating either of them and thinking, 'this is one of my 5 a day'." "This whole thread will go on and on," predicted a cynical slyandgobbo, "and then, lightly edited, will hit the shops as the Mumsnet Guide to Biscuits."

Much embarrassment this week for heavily pregnant VerityClinch, who was suffering from pregnancy brain and heatstroke: "I spent the morning lying in bed, in a t-shirt ,which now covers not much more than my boobs, under the fan. The doorbell rang, and, without even thinking, I got up out of bed, went downstairs and answered it. It was the Ocado man." "Please tell me you didn't bend over to pick the shopping up?" shrieked Disenchanted3, although pagwatch was more sympathetic: "I once opened the door to a member of the Conservative Shadow Cabinet and my son pulled my t-shirt up over my head. Give it three or four years and you will start to find it funny." "Have you considered changing your internet shop to Tesco or Sainsbury's?" suggested NorbertDentressangle helpfully, while merryberry quipped: "He got there for your delivery slot OK then?"

The rest of us may be enjoying the heatwave but it hasn't gone unnoticed that the heat brings out ill-advised tattoos. "I was at a ball last weekend and there was a lady in a backless evening gown," recalled diedandgonetodevon. "She looked lovely from the front but when she turned round she had a HUGE tattoo of a lady giving a devil a blow job." "My mother wants my DD's birth date tattooed on her back inside a sun," admitted a baffled ShowOfHands. "Dad thinks they need to up her HRT before she starts on the piercings." Iklboo witnessed an inky testimony to family breakdown, "Mam & Dad Colin", and cocolepew squirmed at the sight of "a fetching Rolling Stones tongue logo on a boob". BettyTurnip was not impressed: "Fast forward 60 years when she's getting a bed bath in hospital and the nurses will be thinking, 'Oooh, I bet she was a right one in her day!'"

This week's pitchfork fest was thanks to FoJo's Am I Being Unreasonable to be cross with my friend's son who has hacked up a dead pigeon? "One boy was videoing on his phone while the other hacked it up with a stick." Kimi had two words: "Ted Bundy". MeAndMyMonkey was similarly overcome with Daily Mail indignation: "It's time we all stopped collectively apologising for future psycho-killers in the making." But modrin thought they were spitting feathers over nothing: "That's what some boys are like. Hand him a shovel and say, 'Clean that up you horrible boy'." CornishKK confessed to similar childhood fun: "I remember my sister and I finding a dead crow and flattening it with a see-saw". "It was a couple of kids poking a stick at a dead bird," placated hercules1, "I really do think you are overanalysing this." Well quite: it's hardly a Custard Cream, is it?

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