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Talk Roundup
1 May 2009

Simpson travel

Swine flu: are we in big trouble with this then? asked Meglet. "When do we start panic buying?" "What will we use for currency?" fretted cherryblossoms. "I've read lots of journo accounts of packing and preparing for stints in chaotic countries and they always say that they pack cigarettes for currency. But I have noticed that Mumsnet is very judgey about nicotine." Sidge's DH advised: "Don't answer the door to anyone wearing a sombrero." While dinasaw observed: "Now would be a really bad time to be a busking mariachi musician out on the streets." I just tried to call the new Swine Flu Information Hotline, reported PuppyMonkey, "but all I got was crackling." Meanwhile, Eastereggfeaster was ironing out the finer points of her post-aporkalyptic planning: "If it all turns into an episode of Survivor, can I bagsy that tall, dark handsome bloke please?"

It wasn't pigs but pigeons that were concerning Dozymare this week, after she heard a bit of a kerfuffle up in the trees and "looked up to see Mrs Pigeon being taken from behind by Mr P. Mrs P must have been a bit shy to have an audience as she flew away. The next thing I knew, I had a jellylike substance on my face. Did a pigeon come in my face?" Megglevache thought the whole thing was morally bankrupt: "He was shagging Mrs Pigeon but looking at you!" While nickytwotimes confused us all with her experience of guinea pig mating rituals: "My male GP used to shag my rabbit's neck. They both seemed quite happy about the whole situation." Acronymically confused balismum was very uncomfortable with this situation and advised: "I would change my doctor."

Help me, I am trapped in Looney Lounge HELL! begged Disenchanted3, who had foolishly strayed over to the Looney (sic) Lounge chat forums and found she wasn't allowed to delete her membership: "I posted 'hello' - got 30 replies detailing ages, kids, kids' and husbands' names along with being bombarded with photos of children and women in puffball wedding dresses... The flashing is giving me migraines." But it wasn't long before Looney Lounge resident DeDeDe stumbled over to gawp: "OM freakin God. U are all such freakin beeeaches. DeDeDe xxx" Themildmanneredjanitor was confused by the young person's vernacular: "What kind of beaches are we? Pebbly? Sandy? Dirty? Blue flag?" "Am sure u all fink u are funny," gabbled DeDeDe. "Y don't u stop bein so mean. Xxx" "Because we is mean girls innit," replied themildmanneredjanitor, finally getting into the flow.

JackBauerkillspigs was all boggle-eyed after watching CBeebies: Am I being unreasonable to think Andy is blatantly playing to the mothers now? "This morning I noticed that Andy first had his 'band', which consists of five of him, jumping about on screen and then tying his wrists together with Sellotape. That's not for the kids now, is it?" I wonder what he'll do for a cigarette?

MORNINGPAPER XXX

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