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Talk Roundup
17 April 2009

Elemis

Much excitement this week after shineoncrazydiamond set up a false date with her idiot boyfriend, who had flirted with her when she sent him her new mobile number, thinking she was a stranger: "I shan't bore you with the back and forth, but he was full of 'are you single/ how old/ where do you live' etc. He also said he was single. He then suggested we meet." A date was arranged at a local penguin sanctuary and Mumsnetters devised viperish plans of revenge: "Do you have an elderly aunt who would be up for a laugh?" suggested mychildrenarebarmy, although yama thought he deserved to be stood up with the text "Sorry, took one look at you..." "We need a MNer to go and mess with his head" agreed ShowOfHands charitably, while BottySpottom thought we should arrange a MN meet up: "We could all dress up as penguins." In end, Shineon stood him up with the text: "I'm here! Over here! I'm the one in the sleek black and white jacket with the yellow eye feathers and sleek red beak." Not surprisingly the bounder was baffled, wanting to know whether she was "a real person". "Well of course you're a 'real person'" scoffed YanknbeforetheCockcrows. "How would a penguin text?"

Singledadof2medway was new to mumsnet and wanted to know where the acronym list was. JaquelinehydeAllTheEggs was not sure "but some clever old sod will be along soon to let you know for certain." Clever old sod SheSellsSeashellsByTheSea popped up to point the newbie in the right direction, but confessed that she wasn't that clever really: "When I first joined there was a thread on racism in 'Am I being unreasonable?' and I thought 'yabu' must be a term for a racist that I had never heard before."

There were plenty of suggestions for things adults think that children like but ultimately are very dull, such as air shows (spenthen), rides on steam trains (TheBolter) and pass the parcel (mollyroger). Organised singing was a step too far for EffiePerine's DS: "He will happily bellow the Fireman Sam theme round the supermarket, but stick him in a circle with a tambourine and he becomes mute." "Something inside DD dies every time I mention going to a knitting shop" noted a strangely surprised JustCallMeGoat while Gibberish felt her children's interest expiring with "anything remotely involving the National Trust." Open farm days were the limit for fircone's children: "Hundreds of po-faced parents explaining where their carrot sticks come from to blank-faced Boden-clad kids. And as for the 'vegetable poet' - Why oh why were parents busting to the front to hear some loony deliver the ballad of Sammy the Spring Onion?"

This week we were pondering what our mums would have posted had they been blessed with the gift of Mumsnet. "Isn't 'Smash' potato a godsend?" suggested Kbear. "I love this new powdered orange juice you just add water to." "AIBU in making my 10 year old and 7 year old daughters wear matching sailor suits to a school event?" asked a still-bitter FfreckleFface. "What do people see in this spaghetti stuff?" would have been the concern of tigerdroveoverthebunnies' mum "who still puts quote marks round 'pasta'." Dearprudence suspected her mum would be asking for innovative recipes involving her ubiquitous mince: "steak, when it made a rare appearance in our house - for dad only - was known as 'joined up mince'." LastOrders was sure her mum would be asking: "Why can't my DH be more like the man from The Joy Of Sex books?" It's good to know that some things never change...

MORNINGPAPER XXX

THE BOOK EVERYONE'S TALKING ABOUT - or will be if you go into your local Waterstones, Borders etc and ask loudly where copies of Toddlers: The Mumsnet Guide are, rearrange their display, rifle through a copy and snort with laughter, demand they order copies if it's not in stock, go online and post witty, incisive reviews on Amazon etc, plaster publicity posters around your neighbourhood...

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