MUMSNET RHAPSODY 

Is this real life? Is this just fantasy.. Caught in a school run 
No escape from domesticity 
Force open your eyes 
Look up to the skies... and Scream 

I'm just a housewife 
I need no sympathy 
so it's easy come easy go 
No return from this we know 
Anyway the wind blows 
they always want lifts home from me....from me... 

Mama I need a drink, 
Not water only Juice 
In my green cup don't want blue 
Mama I've just stubbed my thumb 
And now I've gone and lost my highchair tray! 

Mama - waaaaaaah 
I know I always cry, 
You sometimes wish I'd never been born at all 
I see a little silhouetto of a brat Scaramouch scaramouch will you drink your bl**dy tango 
Tikkabilla's frightening 
Very, very frightening, 
see Wacky Warehouse...*waccky warehouse* Wacky Warehouse, take me there 

Bala-mo-ry would you like to go?! (like to go?) 
Bala-mo-ry would you like to know?! (like to know?) 

They're just two poor boys 
Who think nobody loves them 
Staring all night at some pork sausages Bismillah! 
No - we will not let you go - 
let him go 
Bismillah! 
We will not let you go - 
let him go 
Bismillah! 
We will not let you go - 
let me go 
Oh no it's SWMNBM 
Oh no not SWMNBM! 
Come on SWMNBM let me go! 

Oh mama mia, mama mia, 
mama mia let me go 
And Annabel has a blender put aside for meeeee for meeeeee, for meeeeeeeee 
(OR 
Beelzebub gave a devil of a son to meeee, to meeee, to meeeeeeeee for meeeeeeeeeeeeee) 

So you think you can spit apple mush in my eye? 
So you think you can scoff bits of cake on the sly? 
OOoooooooooo baby, 
don't ask why again baby, 
Your curious mind, 
is giving me a kind, 
of a migraine 

How can I love you and yet feel that I want to die 
ooooh baby -- need some sleep tonight baby 
Can't get up at 3am anymore ... 

Ooh yeah, ooh yeah You are all that matters Anyone can see 
You are all that matters - You are all that matters to me 
Anyway the wind blows..

Mumsnet Wonderland

Door bell rings, we’re not listening
in the glass, wine is glistening.
A beautiful sight we're happy tonight
Typing in a Mumsnet wonderland.

Gone away to a meet up
or sat here withour feet up
We make up cr*p songs, as we go along
Typing in a Mumsnet wonderland.

Mumsnetters of many many nations
Are watching all the namechangers like hawks
And over there in active conversations
They're arguing on feeding babe with norks.

Later on we'll go moony
as we dream of George Clooney
And face unafraid
Parenting mistakes we've made
Typing in a Mumsnet wonderland.

Parps aplenty echo through the night air
but even if we know we shouldn't post
we can't help ourselves and we'll be right there
For mumsnet is the place we love the most.

Gone away is the figure
Here to stay something bigger
We can learn to kickbox
or drink wine and eat chocs
wobbling in a mumsnet winterland
Typing in a Mumsnet wonderland
Typing in a Mumsnet wonderland

 

IF you can keep your thread when all about you 
Have trolls on theirs and blame it all on you,
If you can trust yourself in Greggs when others doubt you,
But make allowance for their frootshoots too;
If you can tell the kids that ?mummy?s working?,
Then shut the door, ignore their plaintive cries,
And quietly read a thread (some call it ?lurking?),
And yet dont spel two good, nor act too wise: 

If you can type, especially when you?re plastered;
If you can rant but come across as sane*;
If you will not make emoticons your master
(But love the biscuit one all the same);
If you can bear bad punctuation and spacing
and mess up posting links and look a fool,
Or see the thread you started go unanswered,
Or worsne, fill up with pedantry and scorn: 

If you can flirt with Brooker and keep your virtue,
Or chat with Cam and love the oatcake touch,
If neither trolls nor regulars can hurt you,
Or even if they can, just not too much;
If you can fill a bored or idle minute
With sixty seconds' worth of bumsex fun,
Yours is the Web and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Mnetter, my son daughter! 

*mostly

Mumsnet Prayer

Our Mumsnet, who art in cyberspace,
Hallowed be thy URL.
Thy Dysons come.
Thy will be done (unless we are slatterns), on earth as it is in Boden.
Give us this day our daily Style and Beauty,
And forgive us our unreasonableness,
As we forgive those who give their children fruitshoots.
And lead us not into Greggs,
But deliver us from MN New.
[For thine is the product tests, and the recipes,
Forever and ever but may be removed after 90 days in Chat]
Amen

Last updated: over 1 year ago