Vacancy: top dog wanted

If your dog went looking for a new position, what would they put on their CV? We asked Mumsnetters to submit CVs on their pooch's behalf - here's who made our shortlist

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The brutally honest candidate

Name: Kublai

Stand-out skills: Repurposing food. Doing 180° turns while running really fast. Catching flies.

Personal interests: Food. Rolling in fox poo.


The one looking for a very specialist career

Dog in ninja mask

Name: Dillon aka Ninja Dog

Education: Puppy Ninja school, Barking. Class of 2006

Qualifications: Dogploma in combat and espionage (and bum-sniffing)

Special skills: Being able to poo up a lamp post. This has taken me years to perfect and always takes my owners by surprise.

Interests and hobbies: Lounging, sausage eating, hide and seek and bum-sniffing.


The fresh-faced, but promising, youngster

Patterdale puppy

Name: Alba

Age: 10 weeks

Skills: Peeing everywhere, biting everything, looking so cute I get away with it.


The seasoned professional


Name: Sam the Dale - known as The Boss

Current Employment: CEO of household, June 2005 to present

Main duties: Pleasing one's self; unwrapping subordinates' Christmas presents before December 25th.


The one with the stick

Dog with stick

Name: The Dog MacIntosh

Current Role: STICK!

Responsibilities: STICK! STICK!

Education: STICK!

Skills and attributes: STICK!

Awards: STIIIIICK!


The one with a more modest resumé

Sleeping weinermar

Name: Wellington

Achievements: Winner of the biggest, softest (but rather useless in any other way) ears competition. Runner-up in the biggest dog/smallest brain competition.

Specialist in: Using a full bottle of Lactulose as a chew toy and then consuming the contents, resulting in him having the world's cleanest bowels.

Future ambitions: Not to be in trouble as much and to perfect a guilty, hang-dog expression if all else fails.


The formal education dropout

Greyhound

Name: Ronnie Dog

Education: Completed two weeks of puppy school, before deciding I was better suited to homeschooling. Further education ongoing.

Ideal job: I feel I'm best suited to working in the field of digging and sleeping, and would ideally be paid in biscuits.


The gourmand

Name: Jasper

Skills : Catching drones that are still flying; giving the best cuddles; managing to be in the way of any door that needs to be opened.

Seeking: Employment as a food tester. Any kind, I am really not fussy.


The security expert

Name: Bandit

Current position: Security manager

Previous position: Guardian of the biscuit barrel. In this role I was responsible for being alert to any opening of said biscuit barrel. I was made redundant from this position due to my owner going on a prolonged (and I have to say ineffective) diet.


The two-for-one

Names: Luca and Honey

Collective age: 4 years old

Collective mental age: 6 months

Qualifications (School Of Hard Knocks, streets of Romania): Begging, lounging in highly uncomfortable positions, slobbering with distinction. Graduated with honours in farting at inappropriate times.


The team player


Breed: A labrador who can sneak onto your lap without you realising

Skills: The best full-body wag - it's like watching a hairy snake. Will play with children for hours, including being put in fancy dress. Can convince you she's not been fed by using a face worthy of Dogs Trust adverts. Looked after us all when her big brother was put to sleep.


The one who proves that dogs really are man's baby's best friend

Life saving dog

Name: Millie

Special skills: Being able to tell when a five-month-old baby has stopped breathing. Ability to bark at owner continuously until she gets help and starts CPR.

Special Awards: Runner-up Dogs Trust Dog Of The Year, Dogged Devotion category in 2010 for saving my owner's baby.



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Last updated: 4 months ago