Definitive proof that kids hit their comedy peak when travelling in the car

Children say some downright weird interesting things at the best of times - but there's something extra-special about a car journey that seems to push their conversation to the next level. Presenting: Mumsnetters' best examples of back seat pearls of wisdom. 

 

1. Today my three-year-old told me, "It’s ok mammy - I'll teach you how to park!"
 
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2. "Mummy, what is 50 Shades of Grey about?"

Image credit: maxcdn.fooyoh.com
 

3. My son tells my other son, “If that car in front of us had the letters on its number plate the other way around - with an S in front of it - it would spell SEX”. Then two seconds later, he leans forward and asks, “Mummy, what does sex mean?”

 

4. Son #2 - "Mummy?"
Me - "Yes?"
Son #2 - "I love you."
Son #2 - "Son #1?"
Son #1 - "Yes?"
Son #2 - "I love you."
Son #2 - "Daddy?"
Husband - "Yes?"
Son #2 - "Are we nearly there yet?"

Image credit: tumblr.com

 

5. Whilst I was singing along to Adele, my three-year-old announced, "Mummy, you're not very good."

Image credit: funnyjunk.com

 

6. My four-year-old son recently innocently reminded me to drive very slowly when we passed a police car. I asked him where he'd got that idea and his response was "Daddy told me!"

 

7. From my seven-year-old daughter:
"Mummmmeeeeee, why do cars always hoot when Daddy drives?"
Indeed, darling. Indeed.

Image credit: rack.1.mshcdn.com

 
8. When my daughter was three she told me I was an awful driver and I deserved to 'get sacked' because I made her drop her last chocolate button. 

 

9. A conversation between my daughters in the back of the car:

Daughter #1 - "Whose driving do you like best?"
Daughter #2 - "Mum's."
Daughter #1 - "Me too."
Me - "Aww thanks."
Daughter #1 - "Yeah well Dad just seems to stop, he doesn't slow down first like you do."
Daughter #1 - "But if Dad asked, I'd tell him I preferred his driving, I wouldn't want to hurt his feelings."
Daughter #2 - "I thought you didn't like Dad though."
Daughter #1 - "Yes, I do like him."

Daughter #1 was nine, Daughter #2 four at the time.

 

10. My seven-year-old and six-year-old were bickering in the back over a Barbie doll that Nana had given them, when my seven-year-old snatched it out of my six-year-old’s hands, prompting the youngest to start wailing. I reprimanded my seven-year-old and told her that I didn't ever want to see her do that again.
She replied, "Okay, close your eyes".

Image credit: cdn.theatlantic.com
 

 
11. My six-year-old son to his friend: "Are you a member of the National Trust?"


 

12. "Mummy, you're supposed to go fast when it's orange light." (apparently Daddy told him that.)

Image credit: imageshack.us

 

13. I've just listened to my five-year-old son have a pretend mobile phone discussion in the back of the car with "one of his builder mates". He also 'spoke' to his friend's wife and one of their four children...

Image credit: tumblr.com

 

14. "Help! My cows are escaping!" - my daughter was playing on Minecraft.

Image credit: f3.thejournal.le

 

15. One bleak December morning I had to step hard on my brakes to avoid crashing into some eejit taking my right of way. And whilst braking I let out an exasperated "JESUS CHRIST!" To which my then three-year-old replied from the back seat - "Mary's boychild, mummy?"

 

16. When being driven by her grandad, my 20-month-old daughter said "Aaaarggghhh! Grandad's really bad!"
 

  

17. "I've lost my snot."

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18. My six-year-old nephew in the back:
"Shhhhhh aunty. No talking in the car."
"Why?"
"You have to bloody concentrate when you drive." 

 

 

 

 

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Last updated: 04-Sep-2014 at 11:25 AM