9 ways kids trump adults when it comes to toilet talk

We asked Mumsnetters to share with us the - ahem! - eccentric things their kids have said about keeping clean - the results were rather marvellous. Imagine if we could all get away with talking about our toilet routine like this...


 

1. "When my son was four he hated having to come into the ladies’ toilets with me when we were out, as he loved to wee in the 'rhinos'."

 

 

2. "My four-year-old recently washed his hands after using a public toilet, but was completely baffled as to why the hand dryer wasn't working. He had put his hands in a condom machine."

Judy Garland shock  
Image credit:  hellogiggles.com

 

3. "My daughter (six) has recently started covering her whole hand in toilet roll so she can 'clean properly'."

toilet roll

 
 

4. "I have a four-year-old and we have a code word for when she has been for a poo - she shouts 'toilet roll'. This all started when she had friends over and she didn't want them to know that mum still checks she's clean!"


 

5. "My son always applauds himself when he has been. You can wander off and do other stuff; when you hear clapping it’s time to return for bum-wiping duty!"

Standing ovation
Image credit: gifbooster.com 

 

6. "My two-year-old son is toilet training at the moment. If I'm already on the loo and he needs it, I give him the potty to use. He very confidently says 'no Mummy, move please' and tries to get me to use the potty instead. Flattering that he thinks I will fit on it!"

child with potty

 

7. "On coming out of the toilet, I asked my five-year-old son if he'd washed his hands, and he replied, 'well I did, but only this hand because I only peed on the other one!'"

 
Image credit: The Office/NBC Universal/via tumblr.com 

 

8. "My toddler daughter is so independent. This has recently gone one step further in that she now wants to wipe MY bottom when I'm in the loo. She tried to do it without warning the other day saying, 'Mummy, I helping you!'."

 

 

9. "My daughter likes to wave goodbye to every poo. They also have names. 
"Bye Terry!" 
"Well done Beatrice!"
"Excellent work Dave!"

wave goodbye
Image credit: tumblr.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

Last updated: over 1 year ago