8 of the best ever school report comments

From the merely sarcastic to the absolutely shocking - here we’ve rounded up MNers' top school report comments

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1. The gently cutting

 

"J. is perfecting his French accent. He must now realise that there are real words in the French language that he must try to say, instead of making up his own."

"O. should remember that clowns prosper only in the circus."


2. The vintage

 

"My dad has an old school report that says 'What he has achieved is adequate. What he has potential to achieve, we shall never know.'"

"My gran had 'Thelma is no trouble, and takes none.' They told it straight in the 1930s!"


3. The underachieving

 

"'I. has acquired an increased control of body management.' That was when I was eight. I still have no idea what she meant."

"My report when I was three said: 'L. is doing better but continues to have a tendency to fall off her chair.'"


4. The overachieving

 

"I once got 'D. has developed a dry and very sarcastic sense of humour.' It was my Year 2 report, and I was six years old at the time. I'm a cynic these days, but aged six?!"

"When I was 14, in Music: 'Lavender is extremely talented. Unfortunately, her skill is often viewed as "showing off" by her classmates which can make her moody. She would do well to try to hide her talent at times.'"


5. The just-you-waits

 

"My husband once got 'Although he tries hard, X is not talented in woodwork.' He's a carpenter now."


6. The would-never-be-allowed-these-days

 

"My friend was once described in a school report as 'a strange child, rather hostile when questioned.' The ‘70s told it how it was!"

"After my parents died, I found lots of old stuff in their attic, including my dad's school reports. There were many hilarious comments on them, but my favourite was: 'Sometimes, in needlework for example, J can be slow and meticulous. In English, he can be slow and thoughtful. Sometimes, he is just slow.'"

"One of my husband's said that he could work well 'when cornered like a rat'."


7. The deeply euphemistic

 

"We had one last year about our son, something about his 'phonetically plausible spelling' - which was a polite way of saying he was shit at spelling and just wrote things like they sounded."

"My saddest one was a grade for PE. We were graded from 1 to 5, 5 being the highest and 1 being the lowest… I got a 5 for Effort, and a 1 for Attainment. Basically, I tried hard, but was still rubbish!"


8. The frankly baffling

 

"My favourite was my friend’s report: 'Michelle always works really hard in woodwork.' Michelle: 'But I don't even do woodwork!'"

"My Year 9 German report stated I was excellent at spoken French. Well, that's nice, I guess."

"My uncle got 'very' for one of his reports. Very what, we will never know."


Never mind - it's all about positive thinking

 

"My son used to get a sheet from nursery when he was a baby, detailing what he'd done/eaten/nappy changes/sleeps. The one from his first day there said 'S. was a little fussy at first, but was fine once he'd had a bowel movement.' That was the moment I knew he was destined for great things."


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Last updated: 11 months ago