21 things that women will Never Stop Talking About
In response to Buzzfeed's list of “101 things women should stop arguing about”, here's a list of 21 things Mumsnet women are more than happy to continue discussing, THANKS VERY MUCH!
"Didn't I read on another thread that a Mumsnetter broke her foot with a Kegel weight that shot out of her fanjo? And that she told the A&E nurse it was a frozen chicken?"
"Ahem, that was me with the weight. Obviously it was the biggest one in the set. The bastard shot out like a bullet."
"Love is like an orange...if you don't know what that means then you're not fit to be a parent."
"I choose by label. If it has an animal on it, it's a winner."
"My best friend was giving a blowjob to a guy who shouted 'Yes! Drink from my fountain!' as he came."
5. Anal sex
Two words: Centre Parcs.
6. Pubic hair
"I swish mine around like a Pantene advert."
"I went to the doctor in a panic due to a mysterious lump on the edge of my nipple. It was an ingrown hair."
"I think I wrote 'fuck off and leave me alone, I've done this twice before' on mine."
Suggested names for a male version: Fresh balls. Dong dust. Weiner cleaner. Cocksure.
10. Post-baby bodies
"I'm just irreversibly fucked."
11. Baby names
"Chardonnay, Champagne and Stella jumped out at me right away, though they may be a little European for some."
"Sooo can I just say that there's NO WAY to pee in Spanx without taking them down first."
13. Which One Direction member you're going to marry (Answer: none of them)
The correct thing to worry about is which Musketeers you’re going to boff. Obviously.
14. High heels
"I once read an article about how they're supposed to make women look like an erect penis. Kind of put me off."
15. Vagina names
"Vagina: every one knows what you mean. Vulva: only those that have paid attention know what you mean. Moo Moo: you need help. Frou Frou: you must be shot”
"We're getting married. What are the best ways to irritate all of our guests?"
Breastfeeding may not be for everyone, but there is always an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on at Mumsnet, as this thread shows.
"I usually find being a stay-at-home-mum great, but not today. DS2 threw my iPod out of an open window and it looks like some greedy twat has waltzed off with it."
"Just because some of us work, we don't stop actually being a mum during these times."
"Ah but if they were good botox/fillers you wouldn't know they'd had them, would you? So you can only judge on the crappy ones."
"When I was 18, a friend's boyfriend told me off and said that he hated to hear women swearing. I told the cunt to fuck the fuck off."
"It's always the week before. It's always the WHOLE week. It's always 'oh my god I'm such a fucking fat pig look at my ginormous belly pass me more cheese' and then a week later my period arrives and it all suddenly makes sense. And I realise I am not, actually, a ginormous cheese-eating fat pig."