Nativity play disasters

 
Child dressed as angel for nativity playAwww. It's what parenting memories are made of - angelic little darlings solemnly playing their part in the Nativity or Christmas show. Who are you kidding? As Mumsnetters recount, thrills, spills, fisticuffs and downright Nativity play disasters can erupt around the crib...

  • A fight broke out over who was going to hold the baby Jesus. Joseph pushed Mary off the stage and one of the three wise men wet himself in all the confusion. Ooopsadaisy
  • One of the angels stole one of the toy sheep from one of the shepherds. A second shepherd then used the crook he had been given to hook round the angel's belt as she tried to escape up the aisle and dragged her back. Minus273
  • My one-time starring role as Mary lasted two minutes - me and Joseph walked across the stage, he walked too far, fell off the stage and broke his collar bone. ByTheWay1
  • My son (aged five) got a bit bored awaiting his cue and started to twist himself into the full-length curtains next to him. He completely disappeared and was not able to untangle himself in time to utter the vital line, "Look at the shining star." Pancakeflipper
  • Baby Jesus' head fell off and rolled slowly down the two steps from the stage. onepieceofcremeegg

Being chosen for a starring role can also bring out unfortunate diva tendencies and latent exhibitionism...

  • I was chosen to play Mary. An unheard-of honour. I cried and stamped my feet because I wanted to "be a weary traveller and trudge to Bethlehem with Jason!" TraitorsAreComing
  • In pre-school, daughter sat with a face like thunder, cross-legged in the middle of the tiny stage, totally ignoring the play being acted out around her, and continuously muttering just loudly enough for the audience to hear: "I wanted to be Mary!" PrettyCandles
  • Mary delicately sat down and hurled the baby Jesus into the crib with a resounding thump. YohoAhoy
  • The Innkeeper (my son) kicked the wheeled donkey across the stage, donkey and wheels came asunder, wheels carried on in the correct direction, donkey was left lying on its side, so darling son gave it another boot into the wings for good measure. Cue whole audience bursting out laughing, and him responding by doing Michael Jackson-inspired hip thrusts before he was 'escorted' off the stage by the head of drama. charlieandlola
  • My son was a snowman in the nursery school Christmas play. His outfit consisted of his dad's white T-shirt and a bowler hat and scarf. To my utter embarrassment, he turned round, pulled down his pants and mooned at the audience. Saltire

But not everyone can take centre stage...

  • My brother was the straw in the stable. We dressed him in yellow cords and a yellow jumper and tied some straw around his middle. He spent the entire production lying on the side of the stage. My poor mother was mortified. SingingSands 
     

And not every mini-performer can overcome their stage fright or calls of nature...

  • The little narrator was clearly a bit fazed by his starring role, and for comfort, unzipped his flies, got his willy out and clutched it for the whole performance. Nursery teacher was nearly apoplectic, kept gesturing, and waving her hand for him to put it away. This threw him even more, and he started to rub it (without losing track of his narrating). MrsSchadenfreude 
  • My daughter was picked for the part of the star and given Twinkle Twinkle as a solo. Dressed in silvery sparkles, she stepped forward as the introduction started, opened her mouth and declaimed loudly: "I need a wee wee..." BrigitBigKnickers
  • My son was in the front row of the choir last year, so that everyone could see that he was quite desperate for a wee. He jiggled and held his willy, ignored my hissed instructions to jump down so that I could take him to the loo, all the while still singing his heart out. MmeLindor
  • DS was in his first nativity at the age of 13 months. He was given the part of a donkey. When he was carried in by one of the nursery staff, it became very apparent that he had created some "donkey droppings" of his own. serin

What else could possibly go wrong? Major deviations from the script, that's what…

  • Nervous four-year-old Mary, having entered stage right, turns to face the audience. Sweet, but with most of her fingers crammed into her mouth in a self-conscious sort of way. Loud hiss from four-year-old Joseph: "Stop it, tha'll get WORMS in tha' BELLY." timetosmile
  • DS3 was signing, and his learning support assistant not being too good at it and my son's coordination meant that instead of signing "I am a pig", he signed "you're a pig". Then later on, instead of signing "that teddy's black", he signed "that teddy's a prostitute". TheHumancatapult
  • In the nativity, DS2 ( then a trainee cathedral chorister) loudly baa'ed his way through Away in a Manger. That ended his career really. Cazzmags
  • My daughter was a star when she was around three. Her speech had never been clearer than when she said "sod this" and walked off the stage. ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs
  • I was deemed sensible enough to be narrator for the Nativity. It had all gone swimmingly until the end, when I asked everyone to join me in saying the Gaylord's Prayer. wobblyweeble82
  • My three-year-old nephew was the Innkeeper. "You can't come in, we have no room. You have to go to that place..." Cue nephew screwing up his face as he tried to remember the word stable. He improvised with: "That place where the aminals are..." As poor Mary and Joseph shuffled sadly off with the donkey, he yelled: "THE ZOO." Melty

Proof positive, we say, that you should never work with children or animals.

Please share your own Nativity play disasters or school production bloopers on Talk and spread a little Christmas cheer.

Last updated: 18-Oct-2013 at 3:27 PM