Childcare and going back to work

Most women feel terrible about leaving their children and going back to work, especially if their child is still a baby. Regular scare stories in the media about cruel nannies and neglectful nurseries can be unbearable. But over half of mothers whose youngest child is under five work, as do nearly 80 percent of mothers with children between five and ten. The vast majority of children thrive with their carers, often developing long-standing attachments to them.

While many mothers have to work to help pay the mortgage, women increasingly want to combine having children with a fulfilling career. However traumatic it may be to find childcare (and it isn't for everyone), going to work has advantages, if only because you can go to the toilet and eat lunch in peace (depending on where you work). The latest research from the US, a study of 1,300 children, found that babies under 12 months are not harmed by their mothers returning to work, provided the childcare is high quality and their parents are happy with their choice.

What is high quality childcare?

Finding quality childcare is not a science but there's a growing consensus from experts as to what it is.

1. Your child should have consistency of carers - particularly when under five. Ad hoc arrangements with different carers are not good for a child of any age.
2. High ratios of staff (one adult to three babies under two, one adult to four children between the ages of two and three) are also important.
3. Children under five need an affectionate environment where they are stimulated and educated in ways appropriate for their age. By three they really need to mix and learn to play with other children.
4. They also need to be kept safe.

Because such care is not always easy to find it's best to work out what you need and how much you can spend as soon as possible. Don't economise on childcare if you can afford not to do so. You can be lucky but to some extent you get what you pay for. Ideally, if you can face it, you should start talking to other local mothers and sending off to your local authority for information on childcare as soon as, if not before, the baby is born. Nursery places for children under 2 are scarce and you may need to put your fetus's name down (you can always change it later).

Be clear about what you need. If you have a baby then you need childcare that is qualified and/or experienced. If you have a child who goes to school and needs picking up, after school care and looking after in the school holidays then a mother's help may be suitable.

Childcare is phenomenally expensive for working families. You may wonder why all your wages are going to pay for someone else to enjoy your child - some mothers do stop working, others realise it's not forever and that state schools free. Should you wish to send your child to a private school at least you will already be used to coughing up lots of money each month - sometimes childcare can be cheaper.

But even with the best childcare in the world, working mothers often feel guilty and miss their children. If you can afford to stay at home with your children you may feel this is the best option until they are older and more independent. You may be able to work flexible hours so you can work when your children are asleep or at weekends. You may be able to work part time for a while. Being a full time mother, of course, is the toughest job of them all.

It's typical to feel a bit vulnerable when getting childcare but don't let anyone intimidate you. Go by your gut feeling, backed up by references, local authority reports on nurseries and talking to other mothers. Be strong. If you ever feel unhappy or unsure about your child's wellbeing - do something about it. Don't worry that you are making a fuss or that it will be unpleasant to discuss issues with whoever's looking after your child. Your child comes first and what suits one child may not make yours happy. But also realise that no childcare is perfect - probably not even your own.

Baby and toddler care

Most babies whose parents work, are looked after by relatives or childminders. Nurseries and nannies are more expensive. Au pairs are not meant to look after children under five. Mothers' helps should also not be expected to look after young children for long periods of time.

Nannies

For a baby you want a nanny who is experienced with babies. You may want qualifications - a Nursery Nurse Examination Board Certificate (NNEB). Some mothers want newly qualified nannies so they can mould them to their family's ways. But newly qualified nannies may not have the experience or confidence that other families might value. Nanny shares can work - but can also be fraught with difficulties in negotiating with another family. Above all you need to trust your nanny and go with your gut feelings about whether your baby will be happy with her.

Pros

• A nanny comes to your house (or may live in which is cheaper by about £50 to £100 a week) and so your baby is cared for in familiar surroundings and you can negotiate hours that fit in with your work.
• If you have more than one child a nanny may be good value.
• A nanny may do your baby's laundry and make her meals and do baby-related shopping.
• A nanny is one-on-one for your child - arguably what nature intended.
• If your child is sick a nanny will look after her (unlike nursery).
• With luck you'll have continuity of care, which is great for your child and subsequent children.
• You may be able to leave your child with your nanny for the odd weekend away or evening out.

Cons

• Your nanny is unregulated - no one checks on her unlike a child minder or nursery.
• Your nanny may be poached by another family or want to travel - its not unusual to have to find a new one after a year.
• You may find it hard when your baby seems to love your nanny more than she loves you and/or if your nanny is younger and trendier than you are.
• Your baby will not necessarily meet other children unless your nanny takes your baby to toddler groups.
• A nanny is not cheap - in London the rate for a live out nanny is £250-£350 a week and on top of this you must pay your nanny's National Insurance and tax.
• Nannies like sole charge of their babies - this may be tricky if you fancy working at home a couple of days a week.
• Nannies may be young girls who get demoralised and unmotivated working with a baby all day. Social isolation can affect them as much as it can a new mother.
• If your nanny gets ill then you need someone else to look after your baby.

How to find one

• Nanny agencies advertise in the yellow pages, the local paper and parenting magazines. They cost a fortune but are meant to vet their nanny's references.
• Put an advert in the Lady magazine (but be prepared to be intimidated by what other families offer e.g. separate penthouse flat with satellite TV and use of villa in South of France).
• Put advert in local paper - be careful what you ask for - experience/driver/non-smoker etc.
• Spread the word around other parents and nannies that you are looking.
• Put an advert up in local schools - ask the school secretary - as nannies dropping children off at school may know of others and may themselves be looking for other jobs.

How to choose one

• Work out what you want and make a list of questions you will ask each applicant.
• Things you may want to ask about:
• smoking
• driving
• experience
• what sorts of things they would do with your child?
• how they would deal with tantrums?
• what are their views on television?
• do they have any first aid knowledge?
• would they take your baby swimming or to toddler clubs?
• will they babysit?

Interview initially on phone. Those you like ask to come round and meet the children. Ask a friend or your partner to be present - sometimes two opinions are better than one.

See how they interact with your child: do they talk to him or her first, do they squeeze them so tight your baby squeals with pain? One friend once told me to deliberately spill a cup of orange juice over a prospective nanny to see how calmly they reacted.

Chase references. Ask about sick leave/reliability and ability to be on time. Ask about how affectionate they are with children.

The right personality is more important than experience and qualifications - someone that will look after and be affectionate to your child but be in charge in a non-smothering or bullying way.

Once you have chosen

• Discuss sick pay, holiday pay and entitlement.
• Let your child have a period of settling in, with you overseeing the nanny.
• Discuss what food she will make your child and the routine you do or do not want her to have.
• Discuss discipline.
• Discuss hygiene - how she makes up bottles and prepares food.
• Try to be tactful.

Child minders

Childminders are registered by OFSTED and have to attend various training courses including a Childminding training course and  Child Protection and First Aid. They also have to ensure their home and garden is 'safe' with regard to cupboard and window locks, stair gates, fireguards and First Aid Kit etc. The childminder and her family have to undergo Criminal Record checks and the safety of children in a childminders care is paramount. For further information on childminders and becoming a childminder, contact the NCMA (National Childminding Association), your local council's EYDPC (Early Years Development) or call Ofsted on 0845 601 4771

Pros

• They are usually mothers and so experienced (although the experience might not have been a good one).
• They will often have at least one other child so your child will have company.
• They usually live nearby and so are handy but you will have to get your child up and ready to drop him or her off at your child minder's house.
• They are cheaper than a nanny.
• OFSTED registered, which means their home is considered a safe environment and they have had some training, including First Aid.
• May get continuity of care.
• Often tapped in to local libraries, playgroups and swimming groups.

Cons

• Their home may not be as nice as yours is (although it may be tidier) so your child may not have the environment you want.
• The child minder may have other children that demand more attention than yours will - they can have three children under five which is more than many mothers would like to look after on their own for eight hours a day.
• Your child minder may be busy running her home and put the needs of your child second - she may not provide the stimulating and educational range of activities you might expect from a nursery.
• When your child minder is sick then you will need someone else to look after your child.

How to find one

• Your local authority has a list.
• Ask other parents locally - personal recommendation is always helpful.
• Advertise for one in local paper/newsagents.

How to choose one

• Draw up a list of questions about outings, other children they look after, routines, food, sleeping arrangements, holidays, experience.
• If the child minder drives your child - does her car have child seats and is it safe?
• Chase references - speak and if possible visit other mothers who have used her.
• Visit their home with your child and see how your child and the child minder get on.
• See what activities go on and what toys there are to play with.
• Is there a garden for your child to play in? (nb if the lawn and beds are perfect, children probably don't get out there much).
• Check they are OFSTED registered.

Nurseries

If you're really lucky you'll work for a wonderful employer who runs a creche. If not you'll probably have to find a private nursery - there are some local authority ones but they only have few places for young children and priority may be given on the basis of need. Even private nurseries have long waiting lists for children under two. Check that there are no potty training requirements with nurseries that take children over two.

Pros

• They don't get sick - there are always staff to look after your child (except perhaps in times of flu epidemics).
• There are other children to learn to play and socialise with.
• There are usually educational activities provided and your child is offered the chance to do things you'd probably rather not do at home such as body painting, water play and experimenting with spaghetti.
• Your child may start as a baby and continue until he or she is four or more and thus have some continuity of care.
• At least some staff will have qualifications and experience.
• Regulation is by the Local Authority, which produces a yearly report you can read. (from 2001 the inspections will be by school inspectors, OFSTED - www.ofsted.gov.uk).
• Premises may be roomy with outside space to run around.
• Nurseries are open pretty much the year round.

Cons

• You may feel your baby needs more one-on-one attention than nursery care provides and that depositing her in a nursery from 8 until 6.30 every day will be damaging. There's no evidence this is so if the care given is high quality. Even so it is better for both you and your child to try to avoid long nursery days at the beginning.
• Nurseries may be expensive - they range from £150 to £250 a week.
• There are very few places for babies under two so you need to book early - so early it may not have been born yet - which is too spooky for some mothers.
• There may be high turnover of staff.
• You need to give a month's deposit which can be a lot.
• If your child is sick you may not be able to take it to nursery school
• If you have more than one child you may be financially ruined

How to find one

• Ask mothers in the area.
• Look in the yellow pages/local papers/parents magazines/toyshop advertising boards
• The Local Authority will have a list.

How to choose one

• Visit with your child - you may have to make an appointment.
• Is there a lively happy buzz in the air? Do you feel good about this nursery?
• Is there a quiet place for babies?
• Ideally you will be looking for the nursery to satisfy your child when she is three and above as well as while she is a baby, so bear this in mind as you look around and ask questions.
• Ask other mothers and ask the nursery for references.
• Ask to see the latest local authority report on the nursery.
• Does it have a nice safe and large outdoor area with toys in? This is very important.
• Do the children get taken out - to the local park or swimming?
• What are the staff ratios? They should be one to three for children under two and one to four for children between the ages of two and four.
• Are the rooms clean and spacious, light and well-decorated and stocked with toys?
• Is the day unstructured or is there a routine and if so what is it?
• Where do the children have a nap? Does a staff member sit with them?
• Do babies and toddlers mix for some of the time (which is good for development if they are closely watched)?
• What activities do they do? Is there singing and dancing? French isn't really necessary at his age.
• If the children cry, are they picked up and cuddled? You can watch and see.
• Do carers intervene a lot or do they facilitate more. Research shows they should act as more shadowy characters - letting children dictate the games they are playing and how they are relating to each other.
• Ask about discipline - the classic being what they would do if a child bit your child? The wrong answer is that they would bite him or her back. These aren't biblical times.
• What are meal times like? These should be times for children to communicate with each other and learn how to eat - not hurried times to get through quickly with minimal mess. Food should be fresh and nutritious - some nurseries ask you to provide food, which seems a shame as this means tins instead of the greens and pasta you would, of course, be serving up at home. Children from a young age should be seated together in pleasant surroundings for meal times.
• What is the turnover of staff - you can ask this and also ask how long the manager has been there for. Over a few years and you're laughing, unless she leaves shortly afterwards. If you are brave enough, ask for qualifications and rates of pay for the staff - low paid staff move quickly on and aren't going to feel that loving towards any child they are providing slave labour for.
• Does the nursery have a key worker system - this is important as this means one person is primarily responsible for your child.
• Does the nursery invite parents' opinions and hold meetings with them. Do staff communicate what your child has done that day?
• Does the nursery welcome criticism (well who does?)
• Is the nursery happy for you to pop in whenever?
• Ask about issues that concern you eg vegetarian food or kosher food. Do you want a multi-cultural nursery experience? (Not so easy if you live in the home counties.)
• How much education goes on - in Scandinavian countries caring is seamless with education - the nursery should provide both.
• How much independence is the child allowed to have?

When you've found a nursery

• Be prepared for your child to howl once you hand her over to nursery staff - they usually stop once you can't hear them any more. Phone later to see if they are okay.
• Drop in at different times to see what's going on.
• Settle your child in over a week's period - don't expect to be able to go right back to work full on.
• Prepare for your child's immune system to be floored by meeting 10 snotty kids with different cold viruses and tummy bugs. Be prepared for your own immune system to be floored.
• Talk to staff and ask about their day and your child's. Be grateful and appreciative and take a general interest in the nursery.
• Tell the staff (who should ask you anyway) about your child's routine and likes and dislikes. Some nurseries encourage children to bring something of their own with them that they are fond of, for comfort.

Children three and over

Nursery schools

Look for everything you would look for in a nursery for a baby plus:

• How staff get along with the children. Friends are more important in some ways to children at this age than other adults - so nurseries are good for children - so long as the adults do not overshadow them but let them interact with each other.
• Ask if the children can play independently with each other?
• Are children allowed to be independent - eg go to the toilet on their own, get a drink from the fridge - choose to play in the garden? Childcare experts think independence is important.
• What sort of educational activities are there? Are children encouraged to learn through play, do they learn pre-numeracy and pre-literacy skills? How does the nursery help them learn to build relationships?
• Do staff comfort and reassure children when needed? Do they seem accessible?

Au pairs and mothers helps

Au pairs shouldn't look after pre schoolers but if you have a school nearby that has a nursery attached but which only runs school hours you may need help after school. For children under five a mother's help may be more suitable. She will not have qualifications and may or may not be experienced or British. Mothers helps cost about £150 a week and are just that - a help - not a replacement. Mothers helps may or may not live in depending if they are glorified au pairs (usually Australian or South African). They can be found from agencies and also by advertising in the local paper and in parenting magazines like Nursery World (which often has to be ordered - no newsagents stock it round my way). You can expect her to do some shopping, cleaning and cooking but the best use of a mother's help is for the twilight hours when they are out of school and you are still stuck in traffic.

Au Pairs are usually available from agencies and are always, at least initially, live in. Often they are young girls, it may be their first time away from home and although you may be lucky and get a slightly older or more mature one, they are likely to become your oldest child. There are often cultural problems as to what is acceptable behaviour (from both parties) and ground rules about time off, responsibilities, phone and car use, bringing boyfriends home and when they will attend college for English lessons (which is why they are here in the first place). Don't expect too much of your au pair (eg just ask her to pick up children from school and baby sit a couple of nights and maybe do a bit of shopping, ironing and cleaning) and things may turn out alright. You are expected to treat her as one of the family - but if you did that of course she could be very unhappy - treat her more as a guest or very distant relative.

Further info

Dr Spock's Baby and Child Care £12.99 List price Simon and Schuster

Haringey Childcare Information Service 020 8801 1234

Getting dads involved

Many mums are frustrated by the lack of involvement that their partner has in their child’s life. The good news is that most new fathers really want to be included - 86% of European men and women think that fathers as well as mothers should be closely involved in raising their children. The fact that this often isn’t the case is more to do with the barriers that fathers face than any great lack of desire.

Many fathers find themselves being gradually excluded as a result of such problems as:

• Being unable to attend ante-natal scans and appointments because their employers won’t give them time off.
• Being unable to take time off after the birth because they have no paid paternity leave or can’t afford to take time off.
• Being ignored by friends or family, who focus mainly on mum and baby in the early months.
• Being unable to get vital childcare information from health visitors and other professionals, who make appointments and visit when they are at work.
• Being ignored by nursery staff and teachers, who often prefer to deal mainly with mums.
• Finding it hard to break into groups of mothers at playcentres, nurseries and schools.
• Not having enough time with the baby to develop their own competence, so mum becomes the expert parent in the family.
• Living in a society that sees a father’s main role as a breadwinner, not a child carer.

Over time, many dads can internalise these assumptions about their role and assume that they are a secondary parent, who is there primarily to earn money and support mum.

There’s a lot that dads can do to become involved fathers – send your partner to www.fathersdirect.com for some ideas, plus advice, support and encouragement.

But what can mums do to help their partners become great dads? The key is to provide opportunities for him to develop confidence and competence as a parent. Mums get time with babies in abundance, especially when on maternity leave, but dads don’t. What dads need most is for mums to give us time and space with the child.

Some practical ideas to encourage your partner as a parent

Before the pregnancy

• When planning a family, make sure that your partner is fully involved in the decisions - he’ll be much more likely to get involved with his child afterwards if he is.
• Talk to him about the level of involvement you hope he will have. If you want to be equal parents, let him know.
• Accept that you will not be "top parent" if he is as involved as you (but you will get more sleep!)

During the pregnancy

• Keep him in touch with your feelings and moods.
• Encourage him to take time off after the birth. He has the right to up to a month a year as take unpaid time off. If you plan ahead, you can save for this: over a 40 week pregnancy, if you save a day’s wages every 4 weeks, you’ll save two weeks wages. From April 2003, he’ll get 2 weeks paid paternity leave at the same level as SMP.
• Make sure he attends the ante-natal scans. The scan is the first opportunity to see that the baby is really on the way. You can feel the changes in your body but to him it's not obvious for some time. The scan bridges that gap.
• Get him to talk to the bump and read material that you are reading about baby care. Dads often get left behind by mums before the baby is even born, simply because mums read more!
• If you’re comfortable with it, get him to attend the birth. 96% of men now attend and the majority say it is a wonderful experience. Get prepared for the birth – find out together how he can support you through labour. Make sure he knows that there may be times when you can’t bear him touching you (it’s very common) but that it won’t be personal!
• Make sure he gets information designed for dads: In your Bounty mother-to-be pack, there’s the Bounty Guide to Fatherhood – make sure he gets it. Get him to log onto www.fathersdirect.com and checks out the New Dads section.
• If you’re going to breastfeed, talk to him about it – he will need to adjust his feelings about your breasts for a while! Let him know about the health benefits for his baby – having a supportive partner is the number one most important factor that leads to successful breastfeeding.

After the birth

• Immediately after the birth, make sure he’s there when you get shown the basics of baby care. Midwives and Health visitors will show you how to breastfeed properly (if you intend to breastfeed), how to bathe, wash, change and clothe the baby. Make sure he is there for all of this and refuse to let them start without him!
• If you are at home with the baby for a while and he is at work, it will help if he has a time that is his responsibility. He could do bathtimes, for example, which will become a special time for your child and him.
• If your baby is bottle fed, or your are able to express your breastmilk, let him feed the baby when he’s available – it’s a huge opportunity for bonding between baby and dad, just as it is for you.
• When possible, leave your baby with him. Go out of the room. Leave the house even! This is really important for him to be able to develop his own baby care skills independently of you and for you to trust him with your baby. This is probably the most important thing you can do (and you get a break!)
• When your baby moves onto solids, he can play a much bigger role in feeding than before, especially if you’ve been breastfeeding. Make sure he mucks in!
• When your baby has been weaned, get your partner to take a day off work to spend with the baby on his own. Many of us dads have found that it’s only when we spend a whole day on our own with the baby that it really clicks.

When your child is a toddler

• If you and your partner are both working, don’t assume that he has to keep working full tilt while you have to work and take responsibility for childcare arrangements. He may be able to work flexibly and take responsibility for taking your child to the nursery, or take time off if your baby is sick (he has a legal right to do this, just as you do).
• If you are working, when you come home in the evening you may find that you’re itching to be with the kids and tend to take over. When mothers work, it’s actually the dads relationship with the kids that suffers most– dads recognise your need to be with your children and tend to "step back". Make sure your time with the children after work involves him as much as you.
• If you have girls, you might need to make a special effort to get your partner involved in playing with them, especially if they are into ‘girly’ toys and games. Get him to play his way as well – most girls love a good kick about with a football.

When your child is at school

• When your child is at primary school, the one thing that you’ll notice is that there aren’t many male teachers. Your partner can actually do something about this – by volunteering to read a story to the class for example. This helps your children learn that looking after children isn’t just something that women do, and he’ll become a local celebrity at the school if he does it!
• Make sure not to use a "carrot and stick" approach to school work and discipline – with love from mum as the "carrot" and disapproval from dad as the "stick". It’s important for your children to know that both of you can provide them with love, encouragement and affection, but both of you will set boundaries.
• Make sure that both of you are taking responsibility for school runs and organising extra-curricula activities. Research has shown that some of the most important connections between children and their fathers are the car when he’s driving them somewhere!
• Make sure your partner doesn’t fall into the trap of just being with your children for the fun times – just for playing and messing about. This won’t help him in the long run, even if it seems like a sure fire route to popularity with the kids. He needs to be involved in the ebb and flow of their lives, especially if he wants to have a relationship that has enough substance in it to last through the teenage years.

The teenage years

• It’s a very common pattern for mums to pass on the disciplining role to dads when the kids get bigger – often bigger than mum. This isn’t helpful and it isn’t really fair. The best way to handle discipline issues is to do it together. Back each other up, even if you disagree – and talk about it in private afterwards. Present a united front.
• Play to your strengths – there are areas of your teenagers lives that he’ll be much more useful at handling, and areas that you are more competent at.
• Encourage him as a parent – tell him what you like about him as a dad. The teenage years can be a real struggle and you’ll both need encouragement to see you through.

If you are separated

• This can provide all sorts of problems to mums, dads and children. It’s best to remember that even if your love has died, your children still love both of you and if it’s possible, you should try to honour his involvement in their lives. Extreme circumstances aside, you will be doing your children and him a favour if you help their relationship stay alive.
• If you are with a new partner, both they and your children’s father will benefit if they are able to help each other in their relationship with your children. This may take time. Don’t call your new partner your childrens’ "father" – he isn’t, and their real father will resent this. You should explain to your new partner that he should respect your ex’s role in your children’s lives, and tell your ex that your new partner is playing a role, but not replacing him. It’s a careful balancing act, but if they can work towards respecting and supporting each other’s role, the kids will benefit the most.

These are just a few practical ideas. I hope they’ve helped. If we really want dads to be involved in the lives of our children, then the most important change is in our thinking. We live in a society where many people think that mothers are naturally carers of children and fathers should be out working and earning money. It is an attitude that is reflected endlessly in the media; in magazines, books, films and on radio and television. In order to change things for your family, you might first need to change your own mind; recognise that dads can be just as involved and capable parents as mums and that mums can be just as successful at work as dads. Then you can resolve to share the fun and responsibilities of being parents together.

Author: Tom Beardshaw – webmaster www.fathersdirect.com

 

 

Pre-secondary education - your choices and when to make them

Cradling your newborn, it's hard to believe that your bundle of soft flesh will ever even vaguely resemble the hulking great schoolkids up the road. Sooner rather than later, however, you too will become an active participant in the Great British obsession of education, education, education.

For under-fives, nursery schooling takes over from general childcare from the age of around two and a half in the private sector, and three and a half in state pre-school units. So, scarcely is the babe out of nappies, before the agonising begins - where to send our precious little mites to start their way into the big, wide world?

The choices

Under-fives

• Keep the child in the home - you are under no obligation to send under-fives to nursery school
• Playgroups - or pre-school groups - run in the local community, for a few hours a day. You may be expected to help out once a week.
• Private nursery schools
• State nursery school or nursery unit of a primary school

You will only get a clear idea of what is right for you and your child by visiting a number of nursery establishments. A naturally boisterous child might well feel stifled in the precise and controlled atmosphere of, say, a Montessori school, whilst a more sedate little person may find a large, rough and tumble playgroup alarming. For under-fives, even more than at any other stage in schooling, the child's happiness must come first. Try to think about what will suit them rather than your own aspirations.

Different educational philosophies

Particularly in the private sector, a range of educational labels is attached even at the pre-school stage. Montessori schools, for example, aim to develop the child's whole personality. They attach particular importance to the child's appreciation of their surroundings, sometimes through creating an environment where everything is scaled down to fit a child's proportions. Steiner schools aim to foster imagination and creativity and do not introduce formal education before the age of six, concentrating on creative play rather than the "three Rs" from around four years old.

State pre-schools have six 'desirable outcomes' or 'early learning goals' for children to be achieved by the end of reception year (see below for an explanation of which year is when). These are:

• Personal development
• Language and literacy
• Mathematics
• Environmental knowledge
• Physical development
• Creative development

Free Places for 4 Year Olds

Bear in mind that every 4 year old is entitled to free part-time education either in the state or private sector. The government provides a flat-rate grant to cover this, direct to the pre-school provider. So long as your nursery - be it a pre-school unit, a playgroup, a day nursery or private school - meets government standards then if your child is registered and attending the funding will follow. The maximum entitlement is five two and a half hour sessions per week. Two sessions can be combined in one day and you can top up the fees to full time.

Over fives

From the age of five parents are legally obliged to make sure that their child receives an appropriate level of full-time education. This may be received via:

• State (primary) school
• Private school
• Home education

The vast majority of kids are educated in state primaries - around 93%. Of the remainder most are privately educated.

In today's jargon, state primaries are arranged something like this:

• Nursery: 3 to 4 year olds
• Reception: 4 to 5
• Year 1: 5 to 6
• Year 2: 6 to 7
• Year 3: 7 to 8
• Year 4: 8 to 9
• Year 5: 9 to 10
• Year 6: 10 to 11

Private Primary Education

Independent primary schools are known as Pre-Prep and Prep Schools. Pre-Prep goes from 5 to 7 year olds, whilst Prep Schools generally take girls up to 11 and boys to 13 - the point at which the Common Entrance exam to independent secondary schools is sat.

Types of state school

There are five types of state school

• Community - common or garden state schools (formerly County schools).
• Foundation - mainly former grant-maintained schools. Governing body owns land, employs staff and is the admission authority with the LEA. Some LEA representation on governing body.
• Voluntary aided - owned by a voluntary body, usually religious, who appoint most of the governors. LEA-funded except building and repair costs, which are shared between governing body, LEA and government. Governing body is admission authority - with consultation again from LEA - and may prioritise practising members of the relevant religion.
• Voluntary controlled - like Voluntary Aided, but with mainly LEA appointed governors and the LEA as admission authority.
• Community special and Foundation special - for pupils with severe special educational needs.

Religious schools are in general over-subscribed and do well in the league tables. To get your child in, you may need, especially in urban areas, to 'prove' your religious affiliation and commitment, to the extent of getting a letter from the priest (or equivalent). There are many true stories and urban myths about the lengths to which people will go in order to get in - it is down to your conscience how far you are willing to adapt or bend the truth!

How to choose: the theory

Armed with Ofsted reports and league tables, the discerning parent visits all the schools in the local area and makes a decision as to where their child will best thrive. Parent applies and child is offered a place.

How to choose: the practice

Having made the key decision the parent finds out that in order to get into the appropriate school they will need to move to within a metre of the school gates, convert to Catholicism and come up with an elder sibling already at the said school.

Alternatively...

Give up your career, move into a less expensive area, cancel all social engagements for the next twelve years and educate your children at home. But seriously (!) all   those considering the idea of home tuition - and there are currently around 150,000 children in England and Wales educated at home - may want to check out the following websites for more information.

For the official DfEE line: http://www.dfee.gov.uk/a-z/PARENTAL%5FHOME%5FEDUCATION.html
or a for a rather more entertaining and informative view:
http://www.home-education.org.uk/ and http://www.education-otherwise.org/

Or one last option.... upscale your career, move into a cheaper area and fork out for private education.

The league tables and how to decipher them

The tables show the type - Community, Foundation etc - of school, its age range and size. A quick calculation will tell you whether the Year 6 number of pupils is roughly equal to the total number of pupils divided by the number of years. If not, check out if it is either getting more or less popular over the years.

Next come a couple of columns which enable you to assess if any 'value' is added - there may be a listing for English as an additional language or for special needs pupils. These factors may help you to see what the school makes of the "raw materials" it starts with.

The crucial columns show the results at Key Stages - particularly at Stage 2 - currently around 68% of all Year 6 pupils achieve Level 4 or above (the Level expected of an average pupil), so use this figure as a rough benchmark.

As with the Ofsted reports below, be aware that the tables represent only a snapshot - things can change incredibly quickly with the arrival or departure of key teaching staff, especially in Primary education. Also be aware that, as much as anything, a 'good school' may mean a high level of motivated and interested parents, rather than anything intrinsic to that school.

And what about Ofsted?

Ofsted is unrelated to the league tables. It is the body that inspects and aims to improve schools with regard to:

• Quality of education
• Educational standards achieved
• Management of financial resources
• Spiritual, moral, social and cultural development of pupils

It inspects on a six-yearly cycle. You can obtain Ofsted reports online via www.ofsted.gov.uk/inspect . However, in order to read them you need an Adobe Acrobat reader. This can be downloaded free, but it takes time and doesn't always work straight away. The reports are wordy and mind-numbingly dull, but worth a trawl through if a school interests you.

Private schools are currently being brought into line in terms of inspections, having previously been inspected by their own associations.

The National Curriculum - All change in reception

As many of you are aware, it's all change in terms of the assessment procedures for children at the end of the Foundation Stage.

Until last September children in reception underwent Baseline Assessment. They were tested within the first seven weeks of full-time schooling and then again at the end of their time in reception to measure the progress made.

But things have changed and Baseline Assessment is no longer statutory. However, some schools have opted to continue with it as they find it a useful way of assessing children entering reception, while others have adopted alternative assessment procedures. In its place is the Foundation Stage Profile, which is used to assess all children of statutory school age who are in receipt of government funding.

What is the Foundation Stage Profile?

The Foundation Stage Profile sums up each child's progress at the end of the Foundation Stage. It assesses all six areas of learning on an on-going basis throughout the year and also outlines the next steps in terms of learning needs and personal and social development. The six areas of learning are Personal and Social Development, Communication, Language and Literacy, Mathematical Development, Knowledge and Understanding of the World, Creative Development and Physical Development.

How are the assessments made?

Children are assessed against specific criteria by teachers and support staff. They observe each child within the normal classroom setting and record progress as it is made, so that by the end of the year they have an up to date record of achievement. The final observations are collated in June and forwarded to the LEA. Copies are also kept in school and form part of the child's school record.

How is the information reported to parents?

As the profile is carried out on an on-going basis, observations and assessments are fed back to parents at relevant times throughout the school year, for example during parents' evening. The final levels of achievement also form the bulk of the school report.

If a particular area of concern comes to light at any other time the teacher should, as in any other class situation, make an appointment with the parent to discuss the matter further.

Are children with Special Educational Needs assessed?

The profile is a record of achievement made in the reception year and, as such, all children reaching the end of the Foundation Stage need to have a completed Foundation Stage Profile. Details of any particular needs, strengths and weaknesses that a child may have are included on the profile.

What happens if my child enters the school halfway through the year?

If the previous school forwards up to date information on your child's achievements, then the profile is continued. Where there is no information, a new profile is started. Children are usually given time to settle into their new environment before the assessment procedure begins.

What can I do to help my child do well in the Foundation School Profile?

It would be very hard for you to target individual activities as the profile is carried out on an on-going basis. The best thing you can do is support your child throughout the year in terms of reading and other homework activities as these will have been specifically designed to support the Foundation Stage curriculum.

Above all, remember that school is only part of your child's life so make the most of the time out of school by exploring the local environment and having fun together.

The National Curriculum and the "Key Stages"

At primary level the material covered in the state sector encompasses Key Stages 1 and 2:

• Core subjects English, maths, science
• Design and Technology, geography, history, art and design, music and physical education are non-core foundation subjects
• IT skills to be developed

Key Stage 1 covers ages five to seven and is tested at the end of Year 2 (age 7).

Key Stage 2 covers from seven to eleven and is tested at the end of Year 6 (age 11).

This material is not compulsory in the private education sector, although most do follow it and selective schools will often aim to go beyond it.

So much for the bare facts. The most important thing is to visit the schools in your area to get a feel for them. Call their office (within school hours) for a brochure and to make an appointment. Even the closest of friends can disagree fundamentally about the same school, so don't just rely on word of mouth - valuable though that is. Remember that league tables and Ofsteds provide a mere snapshot on a certain day - as does your visit! If you don't get a place or just don't hear - call. However strict the entry criteria in theory, gentle persuasion from a committed parent can be effective.

Oh and one last thing. Be aware that the fairly widespread practice of giving false addresses does constitute fraud. And authorities have been known to prosecute. Baseline Assessment
By Sarah St John

So this is it – your child’s last summer before she starts ‘big school’. You’re beginning to prepare her for September by talking about all the new things she’ll be doing and you’re almost as excited as she is by the prospect. There’s just one thing making you a bit uneasy – this Baseline Assessment you’ve heard other parents speaking about. What exactly is it? When and how is it carried out? Is it fair to put your fragile four-year old to the test? And how are the results used anyway?

What is Baseline Assessment and when is it carried out?

Baseline Assessment judges the stage of development that each child is at when they first enter full time education. The assessments are completed in the first seven weeks and as such are not a result of what has been taught but of a child’s knowledge before entering the school.

The assessments are not standardised and different formats may be used in different schools. Some, but not all of the formats recommend reassessing the children at the end of the reception class to determine the level of progress that has been made.

Why do Baseline Assessment?

Before Baseline Assessment was implemented teachers carried out their own assessments on children as they entered full time education. The main difference between then and now is that now the results are registered officially. The results form part of the child’s school records and as she passes through the education system, they are added to with information on SATs etc. In this way, schools can measure their standard of teaching. For example, a child can be tracked at the end of year 2 to see whether progress is in line with the Baseline Assessment, or whether it is greater or lower than expected. In effect, Baseline Assessment measures the quality of education that the school is providing.

What is assessed and how is Baseline carried out?

Baseline measures a child’s English Language, Mathematical and Personal and Social Development. The assessments take place within a normal classroom situation so that they reflect what a child can do independently, rather than on a one to one basis. They are also designed to be as much a part of the on-going classroom activities as possible, so that the children do not feel as if they are under any pressure. Any other relevant information, for example from nursery records is also used to gain as full as picture of the individual as possible.

The following areas are assessed:

English

Reading, writing, speaking and listening are assessed. The reading section looks at a range of skills including whether a child is able to hold a book appropriately, talk about what is happening in the book and recognise a few simple key words, for example, her name.

In the writing section such things as whether a child knows the difference between print and pictures and whether she can write words unaided (e.g. her name) are looked at.

The speaking and listening assessment considers the level of used when recounting events and retelling stories.

Maths

This assessment covers whether a child is able to count in a practical situation, sort objects by given criteria such as the number of sides of a shape, use appropriate mathematical language, such as longer and longest, and name regular shapes.

Personal and Social Development

Assessments are based on whether a child can play collaboratively with peers and express her thoughts and opinions to children and adults alike.

Will my child be streamed as a result of the assessments?

As with all assessments, the results help identify both the strengths and weaknesses of individual children within the class and teachers refer to the information when planning a child’s next steps. However, the results are treated with a degree of caution, after all it’s very early days and some children take longer to get used to the new environment than others.

In all classes, teachers are assessing daily and children do progress at different rates - at times they appear to be forging ahead at others they seem to be making little progress. To allow for this, groupings that are made with young children in mind must be flexible and provision is made for children to move groups if necessary.

Will I be told my child’s results?

Information on your child’s Baseline Assessment is usually communicated at a parents’ evening in the autumn term, rather than as a written report, as to give parents the raw scores is usually of little relevance. Instead, most teachers tell parents how their children have performed in terms of what they are able to do, targets that have been set for the child and the ways in which the parents can support this at home.

What can I do to prepare my child for Baseline Assessment?

Try not to think about preparing your child for Baseline Assessment. Instead, spend the summer getting her ready for life in the reception class by developing her independence, so that she will enter her new class with confidence.

Some ideas of how to prepare a child for reception

• Focus on her social skills, e.g. invite friends around so she feels happy when mixing and sharing with her peers.
• Encourage her to talk about books and stories that you read together.
• Play counting games, e.g. snakes and ladders.
• Encourage her to dress herself so she can do this after PE lessons.
• Take her on walks so that she can explore the environment and encourage her to share these experiences with others.
• Help her learn to read and write her name.
• Encourage her to talk about any worries or concerns she may have, so that she is confident when discussing her emotions at school.

Above all, remember, this is your child’s last summer before she starts a new, exciting phase of her life. Don’t spend the summer succumbing to the pressure and worries of Baseline Assessment. Get out and enjoy exploring the environment around you both instead.

Sarah St John is a fully qualified primary school teacher with seven years teaching experience. She is also one of mumsnet’s education experts. If you’d like to ask Sarah a question about Baseline Assessment or any other issue relating to Primary schooling, click here. Dyslexia in Primary School Children
By Sarah St John

Having a dyslexic child can be a worrying and frustrating experience. They can be sensitive children who lack confidence and suffer from low self-esteem, particularly at school when they begin to see the gap between themselves and their peers widen. Without appropriate support, they can become increasingly frustrated, withdrawn and disruptive. This can affect the whole family and parents in particular experience a whole range of emotions. There is the worry that your child isn’t making academic progress, the frustration when instructions aren’t followed and often feelings that maybe it’s your fault.

Once the problem is finally identified there may well be a great sense of relief, often followed by anger that it wasn’t spotted earlier.

But it’s worth remembering that dyslexia is often referred to as ‘the gift of dyslexia’ because, alongside literacy or numerical difficulties, dyslexics often have a special talent. They may be extremely articulate, have a high IQ, excel in practical situations, be artistic, musical or good at individual sports. In fact such notable people as Albert Einstein and Winston Churchill amongst their ranks

What are the signs?

While dyslexia affects a great many people - the Dyslexia Institute assesses over 7,000 children and adults each year – it’s important to realise that early identification can be difficult.

Although there are some obvious signs associated with the condition, not all dyslexics have the same abilities or difficulties. For example, there is sometimes a link between a delay in crawling, walking and speech and dyslexia, but this isn’t always the case.

Most people with dyslexia have a very good pictorial memory and can be both very imaginative and sensitive, but find sequencing information and remembering facts difficult. A dyslexic’s attention span is usually poor and they need support when following instructions and organising themselves.

The main symptoms of a dyslexic child at primary school are:

A child may have many or just a few of the following symptoms when learning to read and write letters and numbers.

Reading

A dyslexic child is unlikely to consider reading to be a pleasurable experience. She may see non-existent movement and complain that the words "dance", thus giving her a headache. Alternatively, she may read aloud very well, but not be able to recall any of the facts or details in the book.

Writing and Spelling

Letters and numbers can become confused. The approach to spelling can rely heavily on phonetics, or the correct letters may be there, but in a jumbled order. Dyslexics find it hard to remember what words look like and may not realise that a spelling is incorrect. They can be ambidextrous and often confuse left and right. Handwriting may also be poor.

Speaking

Some dyslexics are highly articulate, while others find it hard to put their thoughts into words, preferring to express themselves creatively. They may also stutter or mispronounce more complex words.

What can you do if you have concerns?

If you are worried about your child go and talk to the class teacher – no one knows her like you do. Make an appointment, rather than just popping in, that way she will be able to set aside time when you won’t be interrupted. Tell her what it’s about so she can have examples of work, past reports and records to hand when you meet. Prepare for the meeting so you can paint a full a picture as possible, including her medical history and specific examples that support your concerns, e.g. "at home I find that…." etc. Mention anyone else in the family with similar traits.

What will the school do?

The 1996 Education Act outlines the Code of Practice all schools must follow when putting a child on the Special Needs Register in terms of correct procedure, from an initial concern to a referral for a statutory assessment (statement). If a teacher is concerned about a pupil, she will collect evidence on the specific difficulties, meet with the parents and speak to the school’s Special Needs Coordinator (SENCO). The school would need to build up a full picture of the child including any health matters, past educational issues and relevant family history.

An Individual Education Plan (IEP) will then be drawn up and a copy given to the parents. It outlines specific teaching strategies and may suggest tasks that can be carried out at home. The IEP is reviewed after a set period of time. If progress is made, the child will be kept at this stage and a new set of targets drawn up. However, the child can be moved up to the next stage if necessary and individual or group teaching support allocated. For many children, this extra support is enough and they are kept at this stage. If, after a period of time, progress is poor, experts within the Local Education Authority will be called in to carry out further assessments. These experts, and not the school, make the decision as to whether a child can be referred for a statement.

It is important to remember that this will be a lengthy process, mainly because it is imperative to gather enough evidence to make an accurate diagnosis of both your child’s difficulties and future needs. Try not to get too frustrated with the school - after all it is not they who make the decision about referrals for statements. You can get a private assessment carried out on your child, but while this may allay your fears and reassure you of the nature of the problem, unfortunately it will not speed up the referral process. LEAs carry out their own assessments.

What can you do at home?

The following strategies are used at school and can also be adopted in the home.

• Exploit her strengths – if she is good at athletics, art or music, enrol her in a club.
• Explain things slowly and in a range of ways to allow the message to be absorbed.
• Adopt multi sensory-methods that use a combination of senses at the one time; e.g. take advantage of her good visual memory with visual cues, or when practising spellings, encourage her to say the spellings aloud so she can hear the sound the word makes.
• Over learning – don’t be surprised if something taught one day is forgotten the next. Teach it again and again adding small new steps each time. For example when working on spellings, limit the number of new spellings to 2 or 3 a week and go over those learned the previous week too.
• Help her to develop coping mechanisms. Dyslexic children find organising themselves difficult. Show her how to tidy up, pack a school bag. Help her develop a routine for getting ready things for school. You may need to go over the same routine several times before she can carry out the task independently.
• Focus on the positive; praise her work, regardless of any mistakes. Perhaps focus on one or two of the spellings she has learned.
• Good software, including programs written for dyslexic children, is available. Your child’s school will be able to advise.

Most importantly – watch out for:

• Signs of falling confidence. Dyslexic children are easily discouraged; praise as much as possible.
• Signs of tiredness – dyslexic children have to try harder than other children. Don’t expect her to work for lengthy periods as dyslexics make more mistakes when under pressure; short bursts with a rest in between are preferable.

There is no doubt that having a dyslexic child can be frustrating. But try and stay positive - it isn’t called ‘the gift of dyslexia’ for nothing. If your child is dyslexic, she will have something to special offer, find it, exploit it and she’ll go far.

For more information, advice and support:

1. The Dyslexia Institute – tel: 01784 463851 or visit their website – www.dyslexia-inst.org.uk
2. The Dyslexia Parent Group – www.dyslexia-parent.com
3. Dyslexia – The Gift - www.dyslexia.com

Sarah St John is a fully qualified primary school teacher with seven years teaching experience.

  Surviving SATs in the Primary School
By Sarah St John

If you have a child in either year 2 or year 6 of a state primary school, parental talk in the playground at the moment will probably be all about SATs. By now many schools will have held a SATs meeting to explain what is involved and how parents can help their children at home. But for those of you who may not have attended such a meeting, the following is a guide to help both you and your child survive SATs.

What are SATs?

SATs, or Standard Assessment Tasks and Tests, which take place in May, are national tests that children sit at the end of each key stage in primary school and at the end of Key Stage 3 in secondary school. Almost all children are entered for the tests; only in rare cases can they be withdrawn. As such, they are an indicator of the progress that your child has made at school in the three core curriculum subjects. In addition the Key Stage 2 SATs, (published in league tables nationally), are used to measure a school’s performance. It is these results that many parents refer to when deciding which school to send their child to.

Bear in mind, though, that league tables don’t always give the full picture. For example, they only outline the percentage of children who achieve a level 4 or above and don’t take into account the number of special needs children who may have sat the test and achieved a level 3 (a good achievement for them), or those who may have changed schools a number of times, perhaps due to re-housing. An alternative way of measuring a school’s progress would be to look at the achievements of pupils who have been in the school since reception.

SATs at Key Stage 1 and 2

SATs test a child’s knowledge and understanding of English, Maths and Science and each child is graded terms of a level. Reception class children are working towards attaining a level 1 and by the time they have taken their Key Stage 1 SATs (year 2), the majority of pupils will be achieving a level 2b; the expected score for the majority at Key Stage 2 SATs is level 4. Once the tests have been completed you will receive notification of your child’s results.

SATs at Key Stage 1

Your child’s progress is continually assessed throughout the year. The final decision as to which task and tests your child will be entered for is made in the final weeks prior to the SATs taking place. The tasks and tests are organised as follows:

Maths

• A practical task paper administered by the teacher for children working towards level 1
• A maths test paper for those assessed as possible level 2s and above. Teachers are able to help with reading the questions if necessary

English

SATs for English involve on-going assessment and formal tests depending on ability. They are divided into:

• Reading and answering questions verbally from a passage taken from a set text
• Comprehension
• Writing
• Spelling

Science

• Assessments are made throughout the year as each science topic is completed. Children are assessed on both their investigative skills and their scientific understanding.

What's happening to Year 2 SATs?

After a long May in which all 7 and 11 year olds around the country completed their SATs, word came from the DfES that there were plans to rethink key stage 1 SATs. But before all parents of year 2 children start cheering, let's take a closer look at the details.

Up until now, Key Stage 1 SATs have been supported by teacher assessment. What this means is that teachers assess progress throughout the year in English, Maths and Science and award a level based on achievement. Alongside this, pupils also take SATs tests in Reading, Writing and Maths. This means that only Science is levelled purely on the basis of teacher assessment.

But in May, Education Secretary Charles Clarke announced that although testing is here to stay, the previous method of testing seven year olds was particularly harsh. As a result, the DfES is now proposing to replace key stage 1 SATs with a more "flexible approach to testing" (www.qca.org.uk).

To this end the DfES is currently devising an alternative way of assessing progress that is both less stressful and more indicative of a child's level of achievement over the year. The actual mechanics of the new proposals are as yet unknown, but teacher assessment is certain to play a central role with, possibly, additional statutory tasks and tests. In future it will be teacher assessment levels, rather than SATs' scores that are published nationally.

By placing the emphasis on teacher assessment, the DfES has acknowledged it to be an accurate way of measuring progress and future plans mean that the published results will reflect levels of achievement gained throughout the year, rather than relying on less accurate results achieved through one-off testing. But more importantly, this change will hopefully mean that less emphasis is placed on testing and so less stress and pressure for year 2 children.

The new assessment procedure will not be implemented on a national level immediately. The first step will be to pilot the new format in 25% of LEAs throughout the country. These LEAs will be determined to constitute a nationally representative sample. Each school within the LEA will trial the new assessment procedures and, if successful, they will probably be introduced nationally the following year.

Whether or not your child will undergo the existing assessment procedure or be part of the new trial will depend on your LEA. The LEAs involved will be publicised on the QCA website (www.qca.org.uk) before the beginning of the autumn term.

(August 2003)

SATs at Key Stage 2

All SATs at key stage 2 are administered as a formal test involving the following:

Maths

• 2 written papers, one that allows the use of a calculator and another which relies on mental strategies
• An additional mental maths paper

English

• Reading comprehension
• Writing
• Spelling
• Handwriting

Science

• 2 papers which cover both scientific knowledge and understanding and experimental skills.
  

How can you help your child at home?

For many children the unfamiliarity of the test papers and the conditions under which the tests are administered can cause difficulties.

Schools spend time preparing the children for their SATs by running through old papers looking at the type of language used in the questions and how specific questions can be approached. You can also help your child at home in the following ways:

• Talk to her about SATs and tell her not worry about them. The school will be doing this too, but it will be much more meaningful coming from you

• Develop ideas for stories both verbally and in written form

• Daily reading is a must. Ask questions about the book, its characters etc. and encourage her to formulate her own opinions

• Spend time on mental maths activities. Turn it into a game to play on the way home, in the car etc.

• Encourage her to make predictions and draw conclusions about situations, giving reasons. Developing these skills is useful for all areas of the curriculum, in particular scientific investigation

• Test papers are available to buy but don’t put too much emphasis on these, especially after a hard day at school. Some children like doing these exercises, but it’s best to try one or two questions a day, rather than the whole paper

• SATs can cause unnecessary pressure, keep this to a minimum by trying to retain her normal routine and keep up her out-of-school activities

What are the implications of SATs on your child’s school career?

Don’t worry unnecessarily about SATs. Whilst they are an indicator of your child’s progress at a given time, children develop at different rates and your child’s teacher knows this. To this end, she is continually carrying out both formal and informal assessments. These on-going assessments are just as important when measuring achievement and it is these assessments, rather than the SATs results, which will determine the work set for your child on a daily basis.

Sarah St John is a fully qualified primary school teacher with seven years teaching experience.

 

Getting your finances in order

You've gone through labour and come out the other side with a gurgling bundle of wonder. The champagne is on ice, the flowers are piling up in your living room, and apart from permanent exhaustion all's well with the world. Hopefully the last thing on your mind is money yet all the experts say now is the time to take a long hard look at your finances. Being a parent means you can no longer remain blissfully oblivious to all that frightfully boring stuff like wills, pensions and insurance. Or can you? Below, we've rounded up the things to think about (and the things not to bother with) once you've caught your breath.

Insurance
In an ideal world you would take out every single type of insurance cover and would never need any of it. Statistically there will be some of us who need the lot, but the chances are it won't be you. So don't get too depressed if you cannot afford to cover yourself for everything, more than likely you won't need to.

Life Assurance
Most financial advisors agree that if there's one time to take out life insurance it is when you have kids. You and your partner might be lucky and be covered by a scheme run by your employers, but if one of you is giving up work to care for your child, then obviously that person will no longer be covered. If you have a mortgage, the chances are you had to take out cover for the outstanding amount in the event of your death, so the house at least will be paid for. But running costs and day to day living are another matter. Make sure your mortgage will be paid off in the event of your, or your partner's death, and then calculate what kind of lump sum payment you could manage to live on if one of you were left to raise the children alone.

A joint lives policy for a 20-year term, if both of you are early 30's and don't smoke, could cost you as little as £30 per month to assure a lump sum of £235,000. The catch is that you only get the money if one of you dies, but you can take out more expensive policies which also build up a sum to be paid at the end of the term. Few of us can insure ourselves to provide an income for life, but it is affordable to provide a sum that will tide you, or the carer of your children, over for the first few months after a death.

Verdict?
If you change one thing about your finances, this is the one. You need life insurance cover.

Permanent Health Insurance or Income Protection
Looking on the bright side, at least if you die, then there is one less mouth to feed. If you or your partner simply become too ill to work, then you will not just have to cope with the lack of income, you have the added cost of caring for the sick party as well. Cheery stuff this, not helped by the fact that income protection plans are pretty expensive. Most aim to pay you a percentage (half, two thirds etc.) of your salary in the event of serious illness (check the policy carefully to see what exactly is covered). If you are employed, work schemes may be provided. If however, you are self-employed or a short term contract worker, you should consider whether you can afford this type of cover. Only around 9.3% of the working population have it, if that makes you feel better.

Verdict?
Expensive, but if you can afford it, worthwhile.

Critical illness
Differs from the above in that it simply pays out a lump sum if you succumb to one of the nasties listed on the policy - cancer and heart disease being the most commonly cited. Lump sums vary. It aims to provide a 'cushion' at a difficult time for the family.

Verdict?
Less important than PHI. Helpful rather than essential.

Medical Insurance
We all know about this one. Whether you take it out now will depend on your experience of the NHS and your politics, as well as your bank balance. What you should do is look carefully at the cover provided, and the speed of response to policyholders. The cover may sound great but if it takes an age to pay up, it is of no great use. According to The Independent money magazine, the cheapest comprehensive medical insurance policy for parents aged 35 with 2 children is currently from Permanent Health at £87.36 per month, and the lowest cost budget cover costs £44.09 per month from Legal and General.

Verdict?
Probably not at the top of your list right now.

Holiday Insurance
Here is the good news. If you can still afford to go abroad more than once a year, annual insurance policies for families are cheaper than taking out individual policies each time. This is probably even true if you don't have children. If you have the energy to include skiing in your itinerary, and require worldwide cover for the rest of your holidays, policies for a family of 4 range from £90 to £200 per year. European cover only is less. Don't forget that form E111 and a Green card provide medical and motor insurance respectively in many European countries (forms available from your post office). They are free/ around £10 respectively.

Verdict?
Get that annual family cover now, and spend a boring 20 minutes to fill out the forms at the GPO.

Pensions
Surprise, surprise, it turns out we should all have been paying into a pension fund since our first paper round and should have raised our contributions to the maximum allowable at each age. If you're one of the few who's done that, go get a life. If you're not, read on.

If you have stopped working you should consider two things:
First, until the arrival of the new stakeholder pension next year, you can only invest a percentage of earned income in a pension. Thus if you had set up a monthly payment into a private pension fund, be careful that you are not going over the limit. There are mechanisms for back payment of pensions, to allow you to use up previous years allowances (assuming you have not paid up to the hilt each year) but you should check what your allowance is.

Back payment does not mean that you should ignore pensions when you stop working. Even a gap of 6 months payment can lead to a loss of several thousand once your pension is drawn. If you have any money spare, you should consider investing what would have gone on pensions into ISAs or other forms of investment. ISAs have the advantage of being tax free on payment (although, unlike pensions, the monthly payments are not tax deductible). Talk to your financial advisor.

Verdict?
If your income is reduced or nil, you will be struggling to find anything to spare. But if you can manage to invest something (anything), use up all your pension allowance, including back payments, and invest the rest in alternative funds (ideally hanging onto them for retirement).

Saving for your children
Let's forget about illness and death. On the assumption that you all live your allotted span, what you are really going to need is some extra cash for those hidden and not so hidden expenses. Given the latest plans to charge tuition fees at University, the chances are that by the time your little Einstein packs his or her bags, you will be footing the entire bill. What's the best way to prepare?

Baby bonds
No doubt you have been inundated with fliers for various bonds. They look tempting because they are for such affordable amounts - the maximum you can invest in a friendly society baby bond is £25 per month or £270 per year. But are you better off simply sticking the child benefit in a building society? Look carefully at the charges. A good performance of 7-8% might be brought down to 3 or 4% once charges have been deducted. Bearing in mind that you can currently get 6% (albeit not tax free) in various supermarket or online accounts, this is not the great deal you might have thought. However, if you pay the premiums for the full term (minimum is usually 10 years, maximum 30 years) the savings build up tax free and give a tax free payout at maturity.

Verdict?
Look at the charges, but if you can find a good one and you're confident of meeting the premiums over the full term, it's an easy way for parents or grandparents to invest.

Other investments
It might not seem so from the volume of ads you are showered with but there are a whole range of investments available to parents. ISAs, National Savings, Offshore building societies, even stakeholder pensions (from April 2001) are all ways to save. There are also many children's bank accounts which offer enhanced rates.

As well as ordinary unit trusts many companies have specific packages for children - don't let the free teddy bears deflect you from looking at how they perform. It is worth remembering that parental investments for children incur tax on any income over £100. This is not true of investments made by grandparents, friends or other relatives, where the investment is treated as the child's and the whole child's personal tax free allowance of £4,335 is available.

Verdict?
It's horses for courses. Don't be paralysed by the variety of investments or the differing tax positions. Simply plump for one that you like the look of. It is better to save that £20 per month in a children's bank account than do nothing at all. The baby bonds are easy, and are tax free, but the answer is simply to do something, then sit back and feel smug about it.

Wills
Enough about taxes, back to death. Two thirds of the population die without a will, and we are constantly being nagged to make one. Jill Dando apparently never got round to it, which meant that her fiancée received nothing, and her father ended up paying around £200,000 in tax. But given the number of people who don't bother, should you?

The answer probably depends on how much your estate would be worth. If you are single, all your money will be divided equally between your children. If you are married, and your estate is worth more than £125,000, your partner will get the first £125,000 and a life interest in half the remainder, the other half going to your children. If you have less than £125,000 your spouse gets the lot. This might be alright by you, but the more cynically minded might want to tie the money up more firmly for children, in the event that their partner remarried, then died themselves, in which case all your money may end up with the new partner.

If both parents died, all your estate would pass to your children. However, making a will can minimise the amount of inheritance tax your children would have to pay, and in it you can appoint a guardian to your children. Various firms of solicitors operate on the web - it's hard to know how good they are without knowing the firm. There are also a few sites run by members of the Society of Will Writers, who charge from £45 for a single will. Currently these are quite cumbersome to operate online, and, to be honest, when qualified solicitors do not charge much more, you might be as well off consulting one of them.

Verdict?
If the above rules of distribution are fine by you, and you are not worried about your partner's activities after your death, maybe you don't need to bother. But given the chance to minimise inheritance tax and choose a guardian, plus the fact that an average will costs around £45 (or £80 for a mirror image will for two of you) why not sort it all out rather than leave your relatives to sort it for you? A legal guardian is particularly important if you feel there is the potential for family fights over who should take on your children's care, as a court case is the only final arbiter.

Conclusion
Just when you are at your poorest, you are beleaguered with thoughts of how to insure and save for those you love. First, do not let this get you down. Second, do something, anything you can. Forgo a couple of toys or new outfits, (which can easily cost £25 a time), and invest it in life insurance and some kind of saving. If you can afford more, do something about your pension/retirement saving, and increase your general investments. Other insurance policies would be great, but the majority of us cannot afford them, so do what you can and do not worry about the rest. Oh, and spend some of those savings on a good holiday, just to remind yourself of the joys of living.

Mumsnet would like to thank financial advisors, Gordon Leighton, for their assistance in writing this piece. If you would like personal advice you can contact them at tel. 020 7935 5737 or e-mail gl@gordonl.com. Or alternatively visit their website at www.gordonl.co.uk