Support and counselling for the health professionals who have to support and help us when we have a MC, as I know it is probably a distressing part of the job - my last MW was so kind when she helped me deliver my little boy @ 18+5 (IUD) and I would think it must be quite tricky sometimes dealing with people who are so vulnerable.

First, it is fantastic to have the ability to contribute to what is sadly a much needed Code. Thanks for starting this MN.

Second, for all those who have contributed to this discussion, so sorry for your losses.

I have had my first mc 2 weeks ago. The nurse at our EPU said to me "miscarriage is much underestimated and misunderstood". I think this summarises things very well. I was, on the whole treated pretty well but have been moved to tears by some horrific experiences of others on this thread. It is clear something needs to be done asap.

Apols for any repetition but here are my contributions:-

I agree re the provision of more info - especially around your body still (very cruelly) acting as if pg. This is something I was completely unprepared for. I am still testing BFP 2 weeks on, still nauseous, sore breasts and today have that tingling "milk coming in" feeling. Bloody awful and an added burden on top of the emotional rollercoaster.

Also agree re medical jargon. Ok so every profession has acronyms and jargon but other jobs are not dealing with such a sensitive subject. I was in the gynae ward yesterday hearing things like "have you booked in that evac for tomorrow". I think erpc is bad enough given what is stands for but an "evac" is so much worse and made me feel so sad for those involved plus made me mad at their flippant use of terminology around me and others. Maybe revert to D&C as has been suggested already?

The central holding of info is absolutely necessary. I had to ring around cancelling midwife appointments, hosp appointments etc.. dreading making the calls then ending up in tears both times. An unnecessary burden for those who have mc'd and easily fixed administratively I would have thought.

Re time off work. What helped me was the nurse in EPU stating that " Your body has undergone a trauma both physically and emotionally and this will take time to heal. It is not uncommon for ladies to take 4 - 6 weeks off. Just go to your gp for a note and take it day by day". To hear that really helped me. I also wonder whether employers' absence and compassionate leave policies should include miscarriage. After all, there is X amount of leave for bereavement of partner/child/parent etc. After all mc is the loss of a child/bereavement. I wonder whether this type of leave would help women to feel more of an acknowledgement for their loss? Sick leave can then be added on if necessary? I accept this can only really be relevant to larger employers but just a thought. Legally, an employer cannot (or at least should not) take this leave into account when looking at absence stats, reduction in performance etc or subject the woman to any detriment linked to her absence due to sex discrimination laws.

Just a thought

ONE central contact number for any additional complications, to save having to keep telling your medical and personal story time and time and time again eg someone/something to contact if you have additional problems like suspected infection who knows what has happened / has access t this information - maybe an EPU? To oversee the care.

Hello

I had a miscarriage just over a week ago and I whole heartedly support the mumsnet proposed code of practice. I was offered no support or helpline numbers from my hospital after being given the bad news and I felt like I was being processed.

I did email the hospital the next day to complain and the head nurse from that ward rang me back to apologise for how I'd been treated but I think this code of practice should definitely be given to all hospitals.

In the meantime, I would recommend complaining if you feel you haven't been treated well - it made me feel better to vent a little bit!!

I had a miscarriage 3 weeks ago, and yesterday had a helpful text from my GP confimring my ante-natel appt with the midwife.
During a very traumatic MC in A&E not only was i todl how common it was, over and over, I lost so much blood I passed out and ended up in the recuss part with all the machines bleeping. No one explained what was happening or what the options where. They even refused to give me a doctors note to sign me off work! (until my husband got a bit angry . . )The use of language like "products" is particulary distressing and unhelpful - one of the doctors spoke to me in pure medical gargon which did'nt help. I said its not products its my baby.

I vividly remember crying in some poxy day room or similar, and a nurse coming in and finding me. Instead of any word of comfort, she bustled off and brought my notes in, now adorned with a special 'sticker' showing a big fat tear, and explained to me that any staff who saw it would know I was feeling 'sensitive'.

This, I feel, is not the way forward.

I have had 3 miscarriages and on the whole my care was handled very sensitively - A & E staff very sympathetic and patient and I was admitted to a gynae ward not an antenatal unit - however all 3 MCs started on a Friday night and hence could not be confirmed by scan until EPU opened again on the following Monday. On 2 of the occasions the MCs had completed by this time and so I had to go through, was I now believe was labour (I am now proud mum), with very little pain relief. EPUs open 7 days would have spared me this.

Also, despite the kindness that all the staff showed me, my one overriding memory is of the arrogant and patronising A&E consultant who breeezed in and announced that he understood I was having a spontaneous abortion....and despite the obvious pain I was in was prepared to argue the semantics with me when I pointed out that what I was actually doing was having a miscarriage....he then, having witnessed a contraction, begrudgingly offered me morphine, however loudly requested that the lovely nurse looking after me stay in the cubicle whilst he administered it as it might cause a cardiac arrest ! I'm sure he could have exercised some judgement here, after all it wasn't the 1st time he had given a morphine injection - it did feel like point scoring because I had dared to point out that I really didn't care about his medical terminology (I may have used more colourful language at the time!).

I hope he was just having a very long Friday night in casualty, but had he shown a little thought to my situation he wouldn't have needlessly made a devastating situation considerably more traumatic.....I still seeth when I think about it.

I think there should be some follow up emotional care and also advice as to what to expect during a miscarriage.
I had 3 miscarriages, at the EPU during the first the staff were so unfeeling as it is so common for women to have a single miscarriage, by the time of the 3rd one the same staff were giving me the care that I expected to have during the first one. Yes for them it is an everyday experience, but for us it is something overwhelming. I felt like I had missed out on some aspects of emotional care.
I did attend an independent support group, but found this quite maudlin as I am a person who likes to focus on actions and a way forward. I ended up researching as much as I could on the internet and seeing a private consultant to carry out tests after my second miscarriage.
Talking helped, but on a one to one basis rather than in a group setting.
I remember sitting waiting for my early scan at the epu, a year to the minute that my first miscarriage had been confirmed, in the same room. This time I had a happy outcome, but felt so upset for the women I saw walking past me, who I knew were being told the same news that I had been a year before.

I think it would really be something to be proud of if this code of practice was adopted. For me, particularly the first 3 points are so very important.

I had no idea what was happening to me when my miscarriage started and the communication between the GP's/hospital staff was not very good. No one explained anything to me and worse than that I felt that in hospital they were actually avoiding me as I was convincing myself that everything was going to be ok and no-one explained that it was pretty definite that I was in the process of miscarrying and what I should expect.

It took about 3 days before it was over and if only I could have had a scan as soon as I started bleeding I would not have lived with false hope for what felt like a long time and I think it would have helped me to come to terms with everything a lot quicker. So I think better access to scans is vital.

I also wholeheartedly agree with the point about keeping women who are going through a miscarriage separate from antenatal patients as I will never forget sitting in the waiting room for my scan, in a wheelchair, bleeding heavily and trying not to cry (and failing) with everyone staring at me and it must have been pretty horrific for those patients when I started to miscarry in the waiting room toilets .

I also agree that there needs to be some sort of follow up/counselling as it takes some getting over. Even writing this now (3 years on) I feel very emotional so it shows how deeply miscarriage affects us.

Just wanted to say well done MUMSNET on getting the recommendations together. On a personal level, it feels empowering to be consulted and to know that my contribution may help others in that awful situation. At least some good may come out of our sad and otherwise helpless experiences of MC. Thanks for providing the forum for us to be represented and doing it so well.