Help us come up with a bluffer's guide to the World Cup (please!)

(93 Posts)
CatherineHMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 25-May-10 09:42:01

Knowledge is power, and as the start of the World Cup edges ever closer, we'd like to create a Mumsnet powerbase of phrases/facts to come out with whenever there's a match on. The kind that'll amply demonstrate our clear understanding of the game.

So who'll get the ball rolling <fails to resist urge to pun>

CatherineHMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 08-Jun-10 12:23:29

These are all brilliant - we've collected some of them together in our World Cup section www.mumsnet.com/sport/world-cup-2010

Mum2Luke Mon 07-Jun-10 13:35:50

Pray it doesn't go to penalties and hope that the camera pans often to David Beckham looking gorgeous in a suit.

-------------------------------------------

Nah David Beckham doesn't do anything for me, Joe Hart (one of our England goalies) is alot nicer looking. wink

Looks like we are cursed already with our England crocs going injured at last minute. Capello should have taken Adam Johnson and Walcott as they seem the only ones that are not injured but then what do I know, am only a Manchester City fan lol! :D

Heifer Sat 05-Jun-10 20:00:53

My advice would be to just shut up! It's not compulsory to talk utter b*llocks at the television during a match. Just because your bloke does doesn't mean you need to match it.

If you are trying to impress anyone watching the footie, just keep quiet.

AND this is most important..

If you go to a pub to watch with a load of men and you see a woman there, do not talk to her. Do not assume she also doesn't have a clue what is going on, and on no account comment on how good looking that player is or that you are wearing new shoes.

It could be me and all I want to do is watch the football in peace grin

rant over..

essexmummy99 Thu 03-Jun-10 18:07:38

Practice here...

"Penalty Shootout Competition"

England need all the penalty practice they can get!!!

It's a great little game, go on give it a go!

Jux Fri 28-May-10 23:02:25

If you see one of the runny-abouty-men running backwards, shout "get back in that space-time vortex and SCORE"

crunchbag Fri 28-May-10 21:37:14

England v USA is in the Royal Bafokeng Stadium, try saying that aloud in front of the kids

UnquietDad Fri 28-May-10 20:58:06

Odds of 33-1 on Ivory Coast - they look pretty good for the quarter-finals...

Sven Goran Errikson is managing Ivory Coast [useless fact]

New Zealaand are making their world cup debut (previously only one team from that part of the world could qualify, it changed to two this time round)

munchkinland Fri 28-May-10 09:34:25

Ledley King is such an amazing player that he doesn't have to train (unfortunately his knee is so F*ed that if he did train, he would be too injured to play that weekend)
He has such a natural talent though that they would be silly not to take him.

Ballack (Germany's captain) is a casualty in the similar vein to Beckham, in that he won't be playing in the world cup due to injury.

I start maternity leave to coincide with the world cup - what timing! (Just a shme I can't enjoy a beer or two in the pub gardens alongside it grin

Jaquelinehyde Thu 27-May-10 23:51:56

Nobody should have to pretend to like football trinity I agree with you. I hate cricket and would never pretend to like it even if we became the best team in the world, it is a boring, stupid game and I would rather peel my own eyes than watch it.

However, I am lucky enough to love, love, love football. I am so excited by it I can't even begin to explain it.

TrinityMeemaRhino Thu 27-May-10 23:29:41

I haven't read the whole thread but I do feel a little but icky at the thought that we have to pretend we care, like, know about football

I'm not stupid, I understand the offside rule

I just dont enjoy football and I'm not going to pretend I do

notnowbernard Thu 27-May-10 21:47:04

Am amazed he is still alive shock

He is God in Argentina though..

amothersplaceisinthewrong Thu 27-May-10 21:45:20

So Argentina have the hand of God on their side, hmmmm.

PenelopePitstops Thu 27-May-10 21:32:12

Spain are not going to go far, despite their lucky draw/easy ride.

Brazil will probably win

Argentina being managed by Maradonna is NOT a good thing for them

France have a shocking ly bad team

Mention Huddlestone as potential for the England squad

Random fact of the day: Any team can replace an injured player upto 24hours before the World Cup's opening match and this player does not have to be in the original 30 man squad.

Cammelia Thu 27-May-10 14:54:06

The Argentinians are the worst foulers

notnowbernard Thu 27-May-10 14:20:35

Prepare yourself for a wealth of cheating amateur dramatics fouling players

It is unbelievable to watch. The English players do it the least, though

Latino blooded teams are pretty awful at it

Though the Germans have bad form

Cammelia Thu 27-May-10 11:57:08

Remember that Germany have never won the World Cup, it was West Germany that have won it twice grin

bunjies Wed 26-May-10 21:03:46

Remeber whenever a player fluffs a kick/goal etc they are officially known as a donkey or a muppet and must be referred to as such as in the following example:

"Oh ffs, what a donkey/muppet".

UnquietDad Wed 26-May-10 11:41:26

England are inconsistent.

They raise their game for the big opponents - e.g. Germany, Argentina - and struggle against more insipid opposition.

Several variations on that, plus a few player names, have helped me to bluff many a football conversation over the years.

ScreaminEagle Wed 26-May-10 10:21:06

The Offside rule doesn't need a girly shoe-shopping analogy [catbumface]

Its not that difficult to understand.

In simple terms, there must be two players from the opposing team between you and the goal when the ball is passed to you.

There are more complicated things about being in active and whatnot, but thats the basic ground rule.

Just thought of another one:-

If Jamie Carragher is playing well:-

"Capello was right to bring him out of international retirement and Carragher was right to put his country before his club"

If he is not:-

(well just reverse that sentiment really)

SomeGuy Tue 25-May-10 23:24:54

England already won the world cup!

Ok, it was 20/20 cricket, but still.

Won't be watching the footy version.

LeninGrad Tue 25-May-10 23:17:33

Ballack isn't fit to be on the plane though.

King and dodgy knees always go in the same sentence as do Rooney and temperament (although bonus points for saying 'less so this season' as though you know it to be true).

You should also mention that King is unlikely to play a full game and Ballack is not fit to be on the plane ... And yawn

custy = Jose grin

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