Help us come up with a bluffer's guide to the World Cup (please!)

(93 Posts)
CatherineHMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 25-May-10 09:42:01

Knowledge is power, and as the start of the World Cup edges ever closer, we'd like to create a Mumsnet powerbase of phrases/facts to come out with whenever there's a match on. The kind that'll amply demonstrate our clear understanding of the game.

So who'll get the ball rolling <fails to resist urge to pun>

WilfShelf Tue 25-May-10 21:01:24

That's a bloody good name Eleanor grin. Who are you then?

Thanks Wilf. I'm me. The awesome-tastic one.

(Mad SIL, getting married, walking 100k)

missorinoco Tue 25-May-10 21:13:32

Also loved the shoe analogy for the offside rule, although you lost me with the store detective bit.

As far as I can tell, there's lots of men falling around on the floor doing BAFTA award winning impressions of serious injury for a little knock your toddler wouldn't even need a cuddle for.

notnowbernard Tue 25-May-10 21:23:28

BBC coverage always better than ITV - but Adrian Chiles at ITV now so might improve it a bit

BBC get better pundits

notnowbernard Tue 25-May-10 21:28:48

Commentators will discuss the heat/humidity/altitude at least 10 times in the run up to kick-off

notnowbernard Tue 25-May-10 21:29:50

So, asking the question "Is it really that likely that a Northern hemisphere team can win this World CUp? It's not been done before in the Southern hemisphere..." will get you bonus points grin

what are the formations then?

4 4 2 (M&S)

2 5 3 (maybe Zara?)

0 0 11 (Versatchi)

NorbertTheNutjob Tue 25-May-10 21:41:16

I can't actually say, I'm incognito atm, but I have a South Park FB profile picture.

MaryBS Tue 25-May-10 21:48:57

Whenever "we" dive say "That was a definite foul, come on ref!".

Whenever "they" dive say "Give the man an Oscar, what a blatant dive, book him ref!"

WilfShelf Tue 25-May-10 21:51:02

If you openly drool at Alan Hansen, your credibility as a football expert may be challenged.

Oh.

Just me then?

ShadeofViolet Tue 25-May-10 21:52:03

Never discuss the colours of the strip - such as 'Ooh I like the yellow of the Brazil strip'. Similarly hairstyles - I know most of the Italy team could do with a good trim, but dont say anything.

We will be okay as long as the commentators dont tempt fate by saying 'David Batty has never scored from the penalty spot' he then misses and England are out.

Thistledew Tue 25-May-10 21:53:06

A non-European team will win, as European teams only win when the World Cup is held in Europe.

NobleFrangipani Tue 25-May-10 21:54:14

Wilf, if you openly drool at Alan Hansen, your credibility as an android may be greatly enhanced.

A drooling android, that is.

ShadeofViolet Tue 25-May-10 22:00:35

If you want to be really clever, you could gloat that Ballack wont be fit to play for Germany, plus they are missing two other key players, Adler and Tasch.

You could also drop in Portugals goaless draw with the tiny Cape Verde side and you might get your DH's attention.

Ah <taps nose>

WilfShelf Tue 25-May-10 22:06:15

Me and Alan. We could have dirty robot sex.

ShadeofViolet Tue 25-May-10 22:07:24

You could, but the after-sex conversation would be very negative!

LeninGrad Tue 25-May-10 22:23:16

smile SoV

custy = Jose grin

You should also mention that King is unlikely to play a full game and Ballack is not fit to be on the plane ... And yawn

LeninGrad Tue 25-May-10 23:17:33

Ballack isn't fit to be on the plane though.

King and dodgy knees always go in the same sentence as do Rooney and temperament (although bonus points for saying 'less so this season' as though you know it to be true).

SomeGuy Tue 25-May-10 23:24:54

England already won the world cup!

Ok, it was 20/20 cricket, but still.

Won't be watching the footy version.

Just thought of another one:-

If Jamie Carragher is playing well:-

"Capello was right to bring him out of international retirement and Carragher was right to put his country before his club"

If he is not:-

(well just reverse that sentiment really)

ScreaminEagle Wed 26-May-10 10:21:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UnquietDad Wed 26-May-10 11:41:26

England are inconsistent.

They raise their game for the big opponents - e.g. Germany, Argentina - and struggle against more insipid opposition.

Several variations on that, plus a few player names, have helped me to bluff many a football conversation over the years.

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